Forgiveness
by Fiiaa
Summary: Gabriella Cross knew the minute she laid eyes upon him that he was trouble. He won't let her escape because it was God's plan for her to come to Hope County. It was the will of the father to make her choose the right path. He'd make sure even a sinner such as her would be forgiven.
1. Tempted

**Chapter one – Tempted**

* * *

Quickly making my way through the echoing hall of the sad looking office, I nearly ran into a big bear of a man known as Matthew. He stepped aside easily, letting me pass while his chuckle followed after me.

"Burke is losing his patience, Cross." He let me know.

"Yeah, I know!"

He'd lose it knowing I was late due to a coffee run. I couldn't be without it today though, I needed it to fuel me. The long hours at my desk trying to get as much information as possible about the Seed family made me lose sleep. Not because there was so much material to go through but because there was hardly anything I could find. Without the briefing from the sheriff of Hope County, we'd be lost lambs out there, trying to extract a man who was like a ghost to us. The way we always managed to extract our target successfully was by getting inside their head. Yet all we knew about the Seed family now was basic information. Age, gender, their purpose within the cult, it really was nothing to go by. So I wasn't looking forward to this mission but Burke seemed riled up. Could be since it was the first assignment he got in weeks. The higher-ups didn't trust him anymore, said his personal life was a fucking mess and it bled into his professional life. I didn't like to judge so I had no opinion about it. Instead, I focused on the assignment rather than the man leading it.

"You're late," Burke growled as I walked through the door.

I held up a paper cup filled with delicious smelling coffee, "I brought you coffee." I smiled at him.

He looked at me with exasperation on his face, "That doesn't excuse your tardiness, Cross." Yet he still took the cup and smiled when he took a sip.

Thinking I was forgiven for my tardiness I took a seat at the clinical looking table and watched as Burke stepped to the screen which showed me the map of Hope County. He was prepping me with the information received by sheriff Whitehorse.

"The cult's compound appears to be at the center of Hope County." Burke grumbled, "When we take the chopper to retrieve that son of a bitch we'll be exposed to external threats. I want you to keep an eye out at all times. The sheriff insisted that it's not the right time to charge in and grab Joseph Seed but it's now or never, Cross."

It didn't sit well with me that we were exposed like that, in the center of chaos. It made me jumpy and anxiety crept up in me. I knew I couldn't show any of it, not wanting to lose this assignment. Just out of college and finishing the training program made me a rookie. This assignment could make my career. I needed this as much as Burke needed it.

"I'll be cautious," I assured him.

"I'm counting on you, Cross."

I held his gaze, "I won't let you down, Burke."

We prepped for our departure to Missoula, there a deputy named Pratt would be awaiting us. He'd take us to the chopper so we could extract Joseph Seed from his compound. I collected my papers and headed to my desk in the open plan office. Seated at my desk I stared at the pictures we had of the Seed family. At first glance, they all looked like the average family, but the statement against Joseph Seed was heartbreaking. He couldn't be a good man, not when he tried to take someone away from their home by force. That poor girl didn't deserve to go through any of that. While I was putting away all the papers on my desk, I received an envelope. The package was kind of heavy, glancing at the label my heart raced. Opening it quickly I let the flash drive fall into the palm of my hand. I placed it my computer and called Burke to let him know I received a file from Missoula. Sent to us by the sheriff's order. Burke approached my desk and leaned in close while I pressed play on the clip.

"My God," Burke whispered.

There was no reaction from me mainly because I couldn't believe what I was seeing. The man known as Joseph was preaching to his people, approaching a man who was kneeling before him with his hands tied behind his back. Joseph pushed in the man's eyes, his confident posture never faltering as the man screamed out in pain. The man who called himself the father continued his preaching like nothing happened at all. Holding my breath I hoped I hid my fear.

"We need to take him in, Cross." Burke kept pointing at the screen, "That crazy bastard needs to be brought to justice."

"I'm handing this in, this could be used in court."

"I'll leave it to you."

Burke walked away, annoyed by the clip we just watched. My breathing hitched in my throat as I glanced at the image of Joseph. I couldn't underestimate this man and there was no telling what his family was capable of. Inhaling deeply and breathing out I tried to get rid of the nerves which wrecked through my body. The coffee I drank earlier wasn't helping either. My heart was beating so fast I feared I'd faint. Not being able to sit still because fear would consume me I got to my feet and left my desk, heading to the indoor gym. It wasn't much, but going for a run on the treadmill would do me some good. If it could help me take my mind off the clip I had just seen I'd be happy.

* * *

I was getting into my gear which consisted out of a bulletproof vest and a holster strapped to my side I glanced over at Burke who was prepped and ready to go. I slipped on my black leather gloves, smiling weakly at Burke who approached me. He placed his hand on my shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze.

"You can do this, Cross. The program is hard and not many get through it but you did. It means you're capable, you are ready for this."

I nodded, my eyes on my feet which made him squeeze tighter, "It was a lot to take in, that's all."

"It's always hard, but we'll make sure that man doesn't hurt anybody else. He'll be brought to justice."

Looking up I met the confident blue gaze of my superior, "I got this."

He gave my shoulder a firm tap and then moved away, "Let's head out."

We headed out, taking a plane to Missoula. I prepared myself mentally during the flight, catching myself sending out a little prayer to God. It had been a while since I did that, but after seeing what that man was capable of I felt like I needed to believe in something bigger.

"What do you know about the sheriff and his team?" I asked.

"The sheriff couldn't get back with us most of the time, you should have noticed that. Apparently, that bastard and his family cut off all communication with the outside world. They could only reach us through Missoula county."

"It made things very difficult."

"Exactly, we could have been prepared better for this assignment if we were able to get in touch with Whitehorse."

"I never talked to the sheriff, what does he think about this situation?"

Burke looked irritated while he let out a huff, "The sheriff sounded confused. Afraid even. If they did their damn jobs we wouldn't have to come in and take charge. This is on them so don't let them tell you otherwise. They let it come this far, they let this shit get out of hands. Now, all we are doing is cleaning up their fucking mess."

The sheriff was afraid which was not a good sign What were we getting ourselves into?

"We're here," Burke announced which snapped me out of my thoughts.

While we collected our things we met up with a guy who looked around my age, mid-twenties or maybe early thirties. His dark hair mid-length while his hazel eyes looked kind. He shook hands with Burke and then shifted his attention to me.

"Hello, name's Staci Pratt."

"Gabriella Cross." I shook hands with him.

"I'm your ride to the chopper. You can put your things in the trunk."

I walked to the car when Pratt caught up with me and took my weekend bag from me, "Let me."

Burke who caught up with us chuckled, "A gentleman huh."

I gave Burke a look which told him to shut up, "Thanks, deputy."

Burke took shotgun while I sat in the back, quietly observing the area. Burke and Pratt were talking about Hope county, Pratt sharing with Burke how things started out with the cult. Innocent preaching at first, people joining their cult by choice when all of the sudden they became more radical. Buying land and forcing people to sell their property to expand their control. Thing got this far because they never expected the Seed family to become so radical about their beliefs. I didn't have to look at Burke to know how he felt about this.

"Who is coming along with us on your side, deputy?" I asked.

"The sheriff and deputy Hudson. Deputy Nancy is on standby at the office."

"Who is flying the chopper then?"

He glanced over his shoulder, meeting my gaze with a massive grin, "That would be me."

"I see." I nodded.

While Burke took over the conversation I made a side braid, getting my dark long locks out of the way. I wasn't planning on getting physical but you never knew. Arriving at the destination Pratt took care of our luggage, Burke and I walked to an older man who was definitely the sheriff. A dark-haired woman stood beside him, her green eyes landing on me for a second before she introduced herself to Burke.

"Joey Hudson."

"Cameron Burke and this is my partner, Gabriella Cross." He pointed at me.

"Marshal Burke." She greeted and then looked at me, "Marshal Cross."

"Good to make your acquaintance." The sheriff spoke up, "You got the material I sent to you?"

"I did, thanks a lot for your help, sheriff," I said politely, wanting to keep things friendly between his team and ours. Without their help we'd be lost, it was best to stay on their good side, "I know it couldn't have been easy for you to provide us with the materials we needed."

As Pratt and Hudson were prepping the chopper the sheriff turned to look at me. It seemed he was more comfortable speaking to me than Burke. Then again, Burke did look ready to tackle someone to the ground while screaming their rights to them. He was all about enforcing the law, a stickler for the rules. Maybe the sheriff found it easier to address me.

"I hoped the materials I sent would have changed your minds about this."

"Huh?"

He didn't respond to me, he climbed into the chopper while Burke glanced over his shoulder. Yeah, they were definitely not going to get along. The sheriff looked tired, I couldn't blame him for not being as pumped up about this arrest as Burke. None of us looked eager to approach Joseph Seed except for Burke.

"Be cautious, Cross." He warned me.

"Yes, sir."

We climbed into the chopper, Pratt and Hudson sat in the front while the sheriff and Burke sat side by side, facing me. We all put on our communication gear, massive headphones which never felt comfortable to me. But it was the only way to communicate over the loud noises of the chopper.

"We'll be flying over Faith's region." The sheriff informed us.

"The little sister?"

He looked at me, "Don't get fooled by her soft appearance. She's manipulative, enforcing Joseph words through drugs known as the bliss."

I glanced at Burke, it wasn't too late to head back and rethink our strategy, maybe come back with more people to ensure our safety and of those around us. Burke, however, seemed lost in the warrant of Joseph Seed.

"We're crossing over the Henbane now," Pratt informed us.

We both looked out the window, completely taken by the massive statue of Joseph Seed. It was surreal, something which would only be seen in the movies.

"Joseph Seed." Hudson sighed, dislike clear in her voice.

"Crazy Fucker," Pratt added.

Burke and I shared a look, he then glanced at the sheriff, "How much longer?" He asked.

The sheriff sighed tiredly, it was like his like his soul was escaping, "Long enough for you to change your mind, marshal Burke."

Burke didn't like that, but it shouldn't have surprised anyone on the chopper. Burke never hid the fact how straight as a board he was. Despite all the signs being there, telling us to turn the chopper around and rethink our strategy he'd move forward with our original plan.

Burke held up the warrant for Joseph's arrest, "You want me to ignore this?" He asked accusingly, "It's a federal warrant, sheriff." He reminded the older man.

"Burke," I said quietly, wanting to defuse the situation.

He held his hand up to me, letting me know that it was okay. The sheriff ignored our little exchange and continued in his tired voice, fear very clear in his eyes now.

"No sir, I don't want you to neglect your duties but I do want you to understand the reality of this situation." His voice grew colder, "Joseph Seed is a man who shouldn't be fucked with. Let's just say the run-ins we had with him never worked in our favor."

I noticed Hudson glancing over her shoulder, throwing the sheriff a look of pity. Her colleague looked frustrated though, his jaw clenching at the mention of their previous encounters with Joseph Seed.

"Joseph Seed needs to learn there are laws for a reason," Burke spoke out mechanically.

The sheriff listened like a patient man he was, he wasn't pushing Burke not to go through with this. He was simply giving advice and I could respect that. That being said I couldn't speak up even though I wanted to. All I could do was having Burke's back and hoping things wouldn't go south.

"Sometimes the best thing to do is leaving things as they are." The sheriff ended the conversation with that.

The unwavering look of Burke told the sheriff the stubborn man would not change his mind. The sheriff looked at me, maybe hoping I'd say something to change the man's mind instead. There wasn't anything I could say which would change Burke's mind though. He wanted to take Joseph Seed in so that was what he was going to do.

"Burke, maybe we should consider what the sheriff is telling us."

He narrowed his eyes at me, "Cross, I did not just hear you suggesting to me to ignore a federal warrant because that's not how a marshal would behave under these circumstances."

The sheriff got the hint then, "Pratt, open a call to dispatch."

Deputy Pratt did immediately what was told and while the sheriff was communicating with a woman named Nancy who Pratt mentioned to us before I took the warrant from Burke, glancing over it once more. I had seen it many times, I remembered it word for word yet right now I couldn't remember why we were arresting Joseph Seed.

"He tried to kidnap someone with the intent to harm." Burke said in a clear voice, "He killed someone by gouging their eyes out." He lowered his voice, "Do you want that to happen to anyone else?" He asked me.

I shook my head, I didn't wish for anyone to go through that. He nodded, looking pleased with the result of his words. The sheriff's words then brought me back to reality.

"Convincing them to let us turn this bird around isn't happening, Nancy. Over."

"I should have been there." Nancy said almost jokingly, "If you run into any trouble, just let me know. Over."

"Ten-four over and out."

"Nancy should have been here." Pratt spoke up, "These peggies would think twice about fucking with us with her around." He joked.

"Peggies?" Burke asked.

"Project at Eden's Gate. It's what we call those who follow Joseph." The sheriff informed us.

The chopper slowly started to descend while Pratt informed us that we were there. The compound was just below us, it not looking very inviting, to say the least. As I took in the surroundings I could understand why the sheriff wasn't looking forward to this. A lot of trucks were parked near the location of Joseph Seed. If it was true what the sheriff and his deputies told us then we could expect the peggies as they called them to be armed and dangerous. Burke told me to be cautious, keeping an eye out on our surroundings so I'd do that.

"Last chance, marshal we can still turn this bird around." The sheriff insisted.

Burke and I stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. I glanced away knowing what his answer would be. The sheriff got it too and sighed, shaking his head in disapproval.

"We're going in." The marshal clarified.

"Set her down, Pratt." The sheriff ordered.

Pratt glanced over his shoulder, meeting my gaze. He couldn't disobey his superior's order either we felt a connection to each other, knowing this was a bad idea yet there wasn't anything we could do about it. I think he pitied me too. Great, just what I needed getting pitied by these deputies.

"Roger that," Pratt said focusing on circling around to compound and slowly descending down.

By now the peggies as the locals called them and Joseph Seed himself must know the authorities were going to barge in. I inhaled deeply and then exhaled wanting to get rid of my nerves. I encouraged myself, telling myself that if we caught this guy I'd definitely get a promotion.

"You were trained for this." Burke reminded me, probably sensing my discomfort.

"I know."

As Pratt landed the chopper I got a good look at my surroundings, we were in a dire situation. We were with five while there were armed peggies walking around the compound, all their gazes upon the chopper. None of them looked very happy to see us. The hostility almost unbearable.

The sheriff spoke up to dispatch again, "Nancy, if you don't hear from us within fifteen minutes send help. Send the national guard if you have to. Over."

"Yes sir, I'll be praying for you. Over."

That sounded ominous but I had no time to process Nancy's words. The sheriff started giving us orders about this extraction. Both Hudson and Pratt looking over their shoulders to focus on their superior.

"Rule number one." The sheriff spoke up, taking off his headphones, "Stay close to each other. We don't want you wandering off. Rule number two." He narrowed his eye on Burke which made me press my lips together to hold back my laughter, "Keep your guns in your holsters." He paused for a bit and then continued, "And finally let me do the talking."

"Yes, sir." I quickly said, knowing Burke would grumble at the sheriff's rules. I for one thought it was a great idea if the sheriff who was more familiar with the Seed family took charge.

"You want a job at Hope County, marshal Cross?"

I laughed, shaking my head at him, "No offense but it doesn't sound appealing to work here. So I'd have to decline."

"That's a shame, we could use more abled people." He muttered, then jumped off the chopper.

Burke and I jumped out as well, I fixed my hair a little after it being squashed down by my headphones. Burke smirked at me.

"So you got recruited without them knowing what you're actually capable of."

Laughter was clear in his blue eyes, I was glad Burke wasn't so uptight anymore. A minute ago he looked ready to tackle someone to the ground so this was progress.

"I'm just that good." I joked.

He laughed out loud this time, giving me a playful shove against the shoulder, "Don't get cocky now, Cross." He smiled at me.

We carefully walked away from the chopper and then followed after Hudson and the sheriff. The dark-haired woman was carrying a shotgun, which seemed insane to me. But then again the people around us were all heavily armed so maybe Burke and I bought the wrong type of guns to this rodeo. It was nerve wrecking having all their eyes on us as we walked past them, heading to the charge where Joseph was currently at. I stayed close to Burke, making sure not to reach for my holster despite feeling a little trigger happy by all these people surrounding us with their shotguns and I'm pretty sure saw someone carrying a sniper rifle. The sheriff tried to calm down the people who were watching us intently, but none of them seemed interested in what he had to say as we walked past them.

"I don't like this one bit," Hudson muttered.

"Agreed," I whispered.

"You are wearing badges, aren't you?" Burke sarcasm wasn't appreciated by the sheriff.

"You'll soon realize that it means very little to these people." He told the sheriff calmly yet firmly.

"And that's why you're carrying guns." Burke smartly retorted.

He was either in a good mood or he was done with the reluctance of the sheriff.

"Not everything can be solved with a bullet, marshal." The sheriff pointed out.

As we approached the church the sound of people singing drowned out the sound of a dog going crazy in the background. I didn't know which I preferred, the dog's loud barking or the ominous singing in the off looking church. The fact that it was quite dark out and only fires in barrels were lighting up the place made me lean toward the dog rather than the singing. Standing before the door of the church the sheriff gave out orders once again.

"Hudson, make sure no one gets in while we're retrieving Joseph Seed." He ordered, "And you, try not to screw things up." He eyed Burke suspiciously. He then glanced over his shoulder, his tired looking eyes meeting mine, "Stay close and keep your hand off the holster."

"Got it," I told the sheriff.

"Relax." Burke placed his hand on the sheriff's shoulder, giving it a squeeze, "You're about to get your name in the paper, sheriff."

At this point, no one cared about getting public recognition. Burke didn't seem to get it though. The sheriff and Burke opened the doors to the church and slowly entered. I followed quietly behind them. Taking in my surroundings I noticed how no one was sitting in the pews, they were quietly standing on the sidelines, watching the man who stood at the front of the church quietly preaching to them. I could only see his silhouette. His voice was quiet and calm, actually very nice to listen to.

"There will be a reckoning."

I shifted my eyes to his silhouette, feeling uncomfortable with his words. He remained calm as he continued his preaching while his people slowly closed on us, watching quietly but their hostility very clear. The closer we got the clearer his image became. It was pretty odd to me that he was preaching without a shirt on. He was athletically built, sunglasses propped on his nose while it seemed he was dangling a chain, maybe a cross on his hand as he viewed us calmly. My eyes trailed to the man standing at his left, hiding in the shadows. His built was much more intimidating, he looked like a bear of a guy. Bear man had his arms crossed in front of his chest, almost daring us to make a move and see what would happen. As I looked back at Joseph Seed it startled me to see a bearded man with sunglasses on top of his head standing behind him at one of the screens which were propped up and showed what I assumed was a reciting of their holy book. I couldn't see the man's expression that well due to the lighting in the church but his loose posture indicated that he wasn't worried.

"They're here to take our freedom, our faith but we will not let them." Now Joseph was clearly trying to hype up the people around us. His words would provoke both parties to make a move, it was manipulative.

As we stood before Joseph Seed his voice became much clearer to me. I held my breath when his eyes landed on me for a second. He then shifted his gaze to Burke and continued

"We won't let their greed, their immorality, and their depravity hurt us anymore!"

He was definitely riling up his followers with those words, there was no doubt about it.

"Come on, sheriff." Burke quietly growled.

The sheriff didn't want to make a move though, he wanted to approach this as calm as possible. Considering the people around us were riled up I figured the sheriff was right about approaching this calmly.

"Joseph Seed!" Burke called loudly, causing the man to finally quiet down and listen, "I have a warrant issued for your arrest." He informed the preacher, "With the suspicion of kidnapping with the intent to harm-" While Burke explained the warrant to Joseph I shifted uncomfortably on my feet as I felt someone's intense stare burning into me.

I glanced at the left side of Joseph, bear man was still lurking in the shadow and it felt like his attention was fully on Joseph so it wasn't him. I then glanced to my right, finally noticing a woman who wore a white dress which flowed around her knees. It honestly looked like a wedding dress to me which fitted right in with everything being weird at this church right now. Yet girl in the wedding dress wasn't trying to burn holes into me either so I finally looked up. Joseph calmly listened to Burke as he stood on his stage. His dark jeans fitting nicely around his legs and thighs. His chest was covered in tattoos, I wondered if that was the reason why he was preaching without a shirt on. Maybe he was displaying his ink. My eyes trailed to the man standing behind Joseph and lost my breath. He was the one who tried to incinerate me to a pile of ashes with his look. His dark appearance did make my heart race which shouldn't have happened at that time. It was out of line of my body to react to that man physically. I tried to completely ignore him by focusing on the preacher.

"I need you to step forward and keep your hands where I can see him."

Probably a good idea since he had a holster strapped to his side just like us. When Burke said those words people around us started closing in faster though. I did a quick glance around the room, if things got out of hand we were fucked. We needed to remain calm.

"They've come to take me, to destroy everything that we've built!" Joseph loudly expressed.

If he kept his words to himself his people would not have formed a line between Joseph Seed and us. But here they were, standing before us while trying to stop us from arresting Joseph. I glared daggers at the man who manipulated those around him. Knowing that things were escalating I did something drastic. The sheriff would probably frown upon me for it. I formed a U shape with my thumb and index finger and placed my gloved fingers partially in my mouth closing my lips tightly around it. I then blew, a loud whistle echoing through the church. It got me the result I wanted, everyone quieted down and looked at me. There was no time to regret my actions while I carefully stepped forward.

"Alright, could everyone just calm down?" I asked them, keeping my voice quiet, "We're not here to harm anyone." I grabbed the warrant from Burke and held it up to Joseph, "We're merely doing our jobs and want to get this over with as smoothly as possible. So could you please step forward, Joseph Seed and cooperate? Then everyone can get back to their own lives."

Especially me, I wanted to get the fuck out of there as soon as possible. I didn't like the way the now visible siblings of Joseph Seed were looking at me. It felt like they were scrutinizing me, seizing me up. Maybe I should have stayed quiet and let the sheriff talk just like he suggested earlier. It was too late now though. I still had everyone's attention which was definitely not a good thing.  
A shiver ran down my spine when I met Joseph Seed's gaze, his eyes behind his yellow glasses looking quite amused with me. He stepped forward just as I asked of him but then placed his hands on the backs of the peggies who stood close to him.

"We knew this would happen, we've have prepared for this."

For this arrest? I doubted he knew law enforcement was building a case on him and then gave us the assignment to bring the man in. There was no way he could have seen that coming. Yet those around him seem to understand what he was saying. Not being the smartest person in the room right now sucked, a lot.

"Go, go." He quietly told his people, his voice back to gentle and smooth, "God will not let them take me."

His people slowly started to trail out of the church, but they didn't leave the church without glaring at us. My fingers trailed to the cuffs which were strapped on my belt on my back. I cautiously viewed Joseph who started to preach dramatically at us about a seal being broken throwing his arms in the air. Ignoring his dramatic preaching I took in his siblings who stood behind him. The bear man who I now recognized as Jacob Seed took a confident stance with his arms crossed in front of his chest. He didn't seem to listen to his brother's preaching and glanced at his younger brother instead. The younger brother had his arms behind his back, his eyes still intense as he viewed me. He was known as John Seed. The air around him seemed to be sucked in by him, it was like he dominated the room without using his words. Beside him stood the woman known as Faith Seed, her flowy white dress glittering in the dim lighting while she quietly viewed Joseph Seed's dramatic preaching. The siblings remaining so calm worried me.

"Sheriff," I whispered.

"Marshal Cross." He glanced at me.

"Is it too late to turn back around?" I asked him quietly.

Burke did not like that, probably because everyone in the room overheard my quiet conversation with the sheriff and finding it amusing. My words didn't help to make them fear the people wearing a badge. Burke turned to look at him.

"Do your job marshal and cuff that son of a bitch," Burke ordered.

Joseph turned his attention to me and stepped forward, holding out his hands like he was inviting me to come closer. I'd be lying I said I wasn't tempted by this man. There was something about his posture and his calm yet dominating words which reached something deep within me.

"Hell followed with him."

"Cross!" Burke called.

I glanced back at Joseph who still had his hands out to me, his sibling standing right behind him daring me with their eyes to make a move. I should never have whistled. That was the biggest mistake of my life.

"God will not let you take me." He informed me.

At least it felt like he was talking to me since he was looking straight at me. It was also the second time he mentioned that God would not let us take him. He seemed pretty confident about it. The fact that his siblings remained calm despite there being talk about them being horrible people made me think something big was going to happen if I did indeed cuff this son of a bitch like Burke asked.

"Cross, cuff the man." Burke said tightly, "That's an order!" He then spat out.

Something then snapped inside me, "Yes sir!"

Grabbing my cuffs I closed the distance between Joseph and I and cuffed him, making sure to tighten it up since I didn't trust the situation. My movements were mechanical, much like the sheriff didn't want to be here or do any of this shit. But an order was an order.

"Should have taken up my offer, marshal Cross."

Gently wrapping my hand around Joseph's arm I glanced at the sheriff beside me, "Told you Hope County doesn't sound appealing to me at all." I stepped forward and narrowed my eyes to blue eyes who intently looked at me, it was like he was trying to look into my soul. I shrugged the feeling off and moved behind Joseph, my hand never leaving his arm.

"Let's go," Burke ordered.

"Then let's get you out of here as soon as possible." The sheriff told me, the both of us ignoring Burke.

"I like the sound of that," I whispered and then stepped forward which made Joseph move as well.

"You're here for a reason, marshal." He quietly spoke to me, definitely addressing me this time as we walked out of the church, Burke and the sheriff walking in front of us to clear a path which made them oblivious to the quiet conversation I was having with Joseph, "It was all by design, because God has a plan for all of us."

"It was God's plan for me to come to Hope County?" I asked him, taking the bait because talking to him distracted me from the people surrounding us.

Maybe if they realized Joseph wasn't uncomfortable around me they'd stop looking at me as if they wanted to rip me apart. I didn't have enough bullets if they did decide to attack. All I could rely on now was Joseph being my human shield.

"Yes, you will be given a choice and it's up to you to decide if you want to walk the path or not."

"Where does that path lead, exactly? Heaven?" I asked him, skeptical about his words, "That sounds like me dying in the near future and I'm only twenty-five so that sounds even less appealing to me than moving to Hope County."

He chuckled, the sound was pleasing to the ears. His chuckle deep and resonated through his body which I felt due to my hand wrapped around his arm. He was definitely a distraction and I didn't mind it at all.

"The path to Eden, it does not require you to die in the near future. All it requires is for you to believe."

I squeezed his arm as I processed what he just told me, "So I will live if I choose to believe in project Eden's Gate which is basically believing in your words or I will die if I choose to stand against you. Is that it?"

He glanced over his shoulder, his eyes hidden behind his sunglasses searching mine, "I have faith you will make the right decision, marshal." He spoke quietly and then looked ahead again, "I will offer my help if you feel lost and I will always be willing to forgive if you do stray. I love all my children very deeply after all."

I had to remind myself that this man killed someone by gouging their eyes out because right now his words were seducing me to cross sides. It was so very tempting.


	2. The Bunker

**Chapter two – The Bunker**

* * *

"Hurry up, Cross!" Burke called over his shoulder.

Shaking off Joseph's words I gently pushed him forward, trying to make him pick up the pace. We reached the chopper despite his people being riled up, running after us. It was frightening how they were behaving. We might not be able to leave the compound. Hudson hopped on the chopper and reached for Joseph, pulling him in and pushing him into his seat. She then sat across him. Peggies were running up to the chopper, ready to get Joseph out.

"Let's go," Burke ordered, climbing in and sitting beside Joseph.

I quickly settled in as well and sat across Burke.

Joseph started singing amazing grace, still behaving like he was going on a stroll. The man had confidence in his own words which was something to admire. He clearly believed God would somehow stop us from taking him into custody.

"Let go!" Burke yelled trying to push off a peggie.

They were everywhere now, jumping on the chopper while we were slowly getting up in the air. Pratt tried to keep her steady but it was a difficult task when random people started to jump on. The entire time the alarm kept blaring and red lights were flashing Joseph remained calm and kept singing.

"You're not leaving Hope County anytime soon." The sheriff grumbled.

We held on knowing what was going to happen. The chopper crashed, loudly and with a lot of force. It wasn't God who interfered, his followers were the ones who crashed our freaking chopper. Fuck, I was not leaving Hope County anytime soon. My vision blurred while the sounds around me were drowned out by Nancy's voice calling. I tried to focus on it but the white pain which shot through my body only made me groan out in pain. Her voice kept calling though, sounding anxious maybe she was worried about us. Reaching for my safety belt I tried to undo it but my vision was so blurred I couldn't see what I was doing. Instead, I started to reach for the headphones, inching forward as much as I could to grab it. I pulled away realizing Joseph wasn't in his seat. Sudden movement beside me caused me to jump, my heart beating out of my chest. My breath hitched in my throat when he grabbed my wrist and gently settled in down.

"I told you." He quietly spoke up, "God wouldn't let you take me." While he took me in I reached for my seatbelt again, struggling to undo it, "Soon you'll have a choice to make, marshal." He then reached for the headphones and quietly spoke to Nancy.

"Dispatch, everything is just fine here." He told Nancy, realizing what he was doing I tried to reach for the headphones.

"Nancy!" I called out.

Joseph grabbed my wrist and gently pushed me back, "No need to call anyone."

"Yes, father." Nancy called out, my blood running cold hearing those words, "Praise be to you."

He released the headphones, his eyes searching mine, "No matter what you'll do after this, I will always forgive if you just believe." He then turned his back to me and climbed out of the chopper on Hudson's side of the bird.

With a lot more strength I started pulling on my safety belt, sighing in relief when it finally let me go. Reaching for Burke's safety belt I started to undo it when Joseph's preaching reached my ears. Was he still at it? I glanced at my right noticing he was standing on top of a car and spoke to his people about a collapse and taking what they needed. It worried me.

"And kill all those who stand in our way."

"What?" I grabbed Burke by the shoulders, "Wake up!" I whispered harshly, slapping him on the cheek, "We're going to die out here." At least I presumed we would considering Joseph's words.

I felt a hand on my arm and glanced aside, noticing Hudson woke up as well. She looked at me with pleading eyes. Since Burke's safety belt was undone I reached for hers, tugging on it with harsh movements.

"Begin the reaping!" Joseph yelled.

"Fuck no." Hudson and I both started to harshly tug on her safety belt as the peggies started to approach the chopper

"Go!" She yelled at me, "Run!"

"No, I'm not leaving you here." With one last harsh tug, it came undone.

I started to climb out of the chopper on my side when Hudson started to scream. Glancing over my shoulder I felt a little sob creep up on me when I noticed her being dragged out by several men. This was horrible.

"Burke, move!" I kicked his boot a few times hoping he'd react, "We need to go, now!" I jumped out and ran together with Burke. We had no idea where to go, we weren't familiar with this place.

"They're getting away." We heard behind us.

"This is fucked up!" Burke whispered harshly.

"I want to fuck up Nancy," I growled.

"You and me both." He muttered

We quieted down and tried to blend in with the surroundings, making sure our steps were as quiet as possible as we slowly moved forward. There were only trees and bushes up ahead, the path being so dark I had no idea where we were headed.

"I see a trailer up ahead," Burke whispered.

"Should we approach it?"

He nodded, "It's our best option, let's move in soft."

"Got it."

We made our way to the cabin, thankfully not running into anyone. Their voices were surrounding us though, the peggies loudly communicating with each other about their search. They were definitely hunting us and they had the advantage considering they were familiar with these parts.

"Burke," I called.

He glanced over his shoulder, "Cross, what's wrong?" He placed his hand on my shoulder, "You hurt?"

My heart was racing and it still felt like someone hit me with a bat against the head but I couldn't explain why I called out to him. Maybe the fear of dying here. He squeezed my shoulder.

"We're getting out of here, Cross. Then we'll come back with the fucking national guard and grab that son of a bitch. No, you know what, we're putting them all away. The whole fucking insane family."

I shook my head, "I left her there."

"What?" He stopped his rant and looked at me.

"Hudson." I felt tears stinging my eyes, "I should have gotten her out, I unbuckled her safety belt. If I stopped for one second I could have helped her."

"No, you couldn't." He firmly told me, "They already took her by the time you realized what was happening. Don't beat yourself up on it, focus on what you can do right now."

"Okay," I whispered, relying on Burke to take charge of the situation because I had no fucking clue what to do right now.

We moved into the trailer, he pointed at his right, "Check that room."

Doing as told I cautiously entered the room, no one was there. There were also no supplies we could use. I did see a mirror and quickly checked my appearance. My dark hair escaped my hair tie, it now cascaded over my shoulders hitting my back. It was going to be in the way but I had no spare hair tie. I ran my fingers through it, trying to fix the mess. Wide blue eyes stared back at me, those were my eyes filled with fear. I lightly tapped my cheeks, trying to wake up and focus on the task at hand. Reaching for my holster I sighed in relief when I noticed my gun was still there.

"Cross?"

"All clear," I called back.

Burke was moving from window to window, probably looking for a way to escape.

"There's a road out there." He announced, "We're going to head that way and drive to Missoula."

"They're in there!" We heard someone yell.

I stared up the ceiling in exasperation, these people were relentless. There was a car out in the back but no way we'd make it. Burke and I both had our handguns and from what I've seen at the compound these people were armed a lot heavier than us. We'd die. I couldn't save Hudson but I could make sure Burke would make it to Missoula County and send help.

"Head to the car." I told him with newfound courage, "Drive straight to Missoula and come back with the national guard." I stood up and reached for my gun.

"We're leaving together, Cross." Burke firmly told me.

"We won't make it out together, I'll distract them while you will get help."

"Cross-"

"Go!" I told him and then moved to the window, jumping when someone threw a rock through it

"I'll come back for you." Burke promised me, "Hold out until then."

"Yes, sir!"

Inhaling deeply I then moved to the window and jumped out, those peggies definitely didn't expect that. I shot the guy on my left in the knee, watching him fall down with a loud growl. Heading toward him I grabbed the shotgun, slipping my handgun back its holster Shotgun was so much better than a handgun right now.

"We found her." I heard a woman call.

The static of a radio making me realize she was informing someone. One of the Seed siblings?

"We won't harm her." The woman promised.

Following her voice I pointed my shotgun at her face, watching her communicate through her radio, "You won't?" I asked her, "Can't say I can make the same promise." I then slammed the gun across her head, knocking her out cold.

Grabbing her radio I placed it on my belt, hoping it could guide me through this by listening to their communication. I needed to take out as many peggies as I could so they'd forget about Burke. I noticed two of them heading my way and decided it was best to shoot since it would make a loud noise. I shot one of them in the shoulder and the other who started charging in while yelling in the side.

"I repeat do not harm her, the father wants her alive."

It was a voice I didn't hear before, it was smooth and pleasant to listen to while his words left no room for argument. He was giving out orders so he might be one of the siblings.

"Use bliss bullets if you have to and bring her to me."

The sheriff mentioned it before, the bliss was bad news. I doubted I wanted to get shot with a bliss bullet. I quickly got down when I noticed two men in different attire moving around the area. They were checking on the two guys I just shot. The air around them was different, they were calmer more efficient with their movement.

"They're alive." One in a leather jacket which reached his knees announced, turning around to face my way which showed me he was wearing a bulletproof vest and had two guns strapped to his hips, "She shot them at a close range." He pointed at my direction which he figured out pretty fast, "Go check over there." He ordered and then kneeled down, reaching for his radio.

Realizing they'd find out where I was if he used his radio I reached for the device wanting to throw it away but reacted too late.

"We need help out here, two men down-" I held my breath when his gaze was focused on my hiding spot, "Brother John, I'm taking her in."

I got to my feet realizing he knew where I was, turning around thinking I had time to run I ran smack into a large man who reacted faster than I did. He grabbed my wrist tightly and spun me around, the shotgun dropping in the process. I made a quick turn ready to kick him in the chest when I felt something cold press against my temple. The sound of a click making me freeze.

"Don't move, little girl." He warned me.

I held up my hands, the one who had been in the process of tying my hands behind my back moved in again and succeeded this time. He tightened the cuffs to the point they bit in my skin. It hurt and it must have shown on my face because the man who still had his gun pointed at me laughed.

"You'll go through much worse than that when brother John takes you in for confession."

"Confess what exactly?" I spat at him, "I haven't done anything wrong-"

He grabbed my arm and started to guide me to the lights up ahead, "Look around you." The man gestured with his free hand, "Is this not a sin you committed?"

I glared at him but the man remained calm, much like Joseph when we were trying to arrest him. His behavior was different from those other peggies. He moved with precise steps, the way his eyes scanned the area and his rather intimidating tone made me think he was trained. A trained peggie who was ordered to bring me in by John Seed.

"Ah, marshal Cross." I swallowed as my eyes landed on John Seed, a well-groomed man who also had a pair of shades on top of his head despite it being the middle of the night, he held his hands out toward me, inviting me closer, "So glad you could join us."

I struggled against the grip of the trained peggie and broke free, only a second later his gun was pointed at me which made me glare at the amused looking John, "I didn't have much of a choice."

He pushed away from the truck and walked toward me, grabbing onto my arms he pulled me in closer. I could smell his fresh cologne and when I nearly pressed against his body a more earthy scent caught my nose. Despite his appearance, he did smell like a fresh morning spring, like he spends a lot of time outside.

"The father wants you to atone." He whispered in my ear, his breath hitting the side of my neck which made a shiver run down my spine, "So you will confess." His hands trailed down my arms, his eyes meeting mine, "Only then you may stand in the light of God."

His hand pressed against my lower back which made me fall forward, my head leaning against his shoulder. My cheeks heated as I felt his hard chest pressed against me. He placed his hand on the back of my head and for a minute it seemed like a gentle gesture but then he tangled his fingers in my hair and pulled me away from him.

"We'll wash away your past, it will be painful but in the end, you'll be saved."

He pushed me away from him and trailed his eyes to the guy who captured me, "Get her to the bunker."

I jerked away when I noticed a white cloth closing in on my face, "No!"

John grabbed my neck, tightening his hold which kept me in place as he whispered, "Don't fight it, it's just a little bliss. I promise it won't turn you into an angel." He seemed amused by his own words but I had no clue what he was talking about.

Struggling to breathe distracted me from the cloth which covered my nose and mouth, John then lets go of my neck and I couldn't help but inhale deeply. My eyes widened realized he got me to inhale the bliss.

He then chuckled, his fingers barely brushing through my locks, "See you soon, marshal. Confession will be beautiful, I'll make sure you atone." He then turned around and walked away his back being the last thing I saw as I collapsed.

* * *

When I woke up again it took me a while to focus, the bliss whatever that was made me feel like I was floating. Floating in a sea of clouds and then falling down hard before I woke up. I then noticed I was strapped to a chair, my eyes scanning the dark lit room. Fear washed over me when I realized this was probably confession. I struggled against the restraints around my wrist, the rope biting into my skin, breaking it. I struggled harder when I heard footsteps approach, the echoing steps causing my heart race. I groaned in pain, my wrists feeling wet probably because my skin broke due to my obsessive struggling. The sound of a door opening and closing made me shift to whoever wandered in. I swallowed meeting the intense gaze of John Seed who strolled in with a toolbox in hand. He placed his toolbox on the empty wooden table at my right, humming a song which I was not familiar with. He opened his toolbox and started to take equipment out of it, making a show of slamming a screwdriver down on the table.

I hissed in pain when I jerked back in my chair. John noticed and moved closer to me, his fingers brushing over my tied wrist, "Stop struggling, marshal, you're only going to hurt yourself." He reached for the lamp beside me, made it face me and turned it on. The bright yellow light hitting me in the face which blurred my vision for a second, "My parents were the first ones to teach me about the power of yes." He started talking about his past. It was a tactic to make me talk as well, I wasn't going to spill every dirty little secret though.

"And I experienced pain after pain after pain." He was getting worked up, his hand slamming down on the table as he then reached into his toolbox, "And when I didn't think I could take any more, I did." He revealed a tattoo gun to me, holding it almost lovingly in his hands like it was his prized possession. He approached me and started to ensemble the gun which made me struggle again, shaking my head and sobbing as I realized what awaited me.

He placed the tattoo gun down on the table and closed in on me, brushing his hands over my arms in a way to soothe me. He then cupped my face, shushing me, "It's okay, marshal." He spoke to me in a hushed tone as if he was addressing a child, "You can take much more too. I know you can."

His thumbs caressed my cheeks as his eyes wandered over my face down to my neck and lingering around my chest. No! I tried to move forward, hoping to head bump him. Doing something which could break me free from this man.

"Burke," I whispered, tears streaming down my face.

John brushed his fingers over my hair, pushing it out of my face while his eyes almost lovingly looked into mine. He caressed my hair and tangled his fingers in my locks when I tried to look away from him, forcing me to meet his intense gaze.

"No one is coming to save you, they're all atoning in their own way, Gabriella."

I stopped moving and stared at his face in shock, I never introduced myself to him. Did he get to Burke and tortured it out of him? I was pretty sure the peggies forgot about Burke when I started to shoot them back at the trailer. Surely Burke must have left John's region, John was just trying to scare me.

"You're lying." I breathed, not believing anything that came from the man who had a torture room in his bunker and called it the confession room instead. He was delusional so I couldn't take him seriously.

He chuckled his hands which now rested on my shoulders, tightly holding on, "I do not tell lies, but I shall humor you and let you see for yourself." He pulled away from me and almost cheerfully approached the heavy metal door, firmly knocking on it.

The door opened and a peggie who was heavily armed rolled in a woman strapped to a chair. It took me two seconds to realize it was deputy Hudson. Like me she kept fighting against her restraints, her eyes landing on mine which made her call out. Her words were muffled by tape, her mascara staining her cheeks from crying. I assumed I looked quite similar to her but unlike her, my mouth wasn't taped shut. John stood in the middle of the room and pointed to Hudson.

"Hudson over there hasn't confessed either." He started to pace, looking like a predator as he started preaching to us, "We need to expose our sins for us to move forward. You need to have the courage to own your sin and wear it on your skin for everyone to see." He stopped at the table and grabbed the screwdriver, pointing it from Hudson to me, "So who is going to confess first. Who has the courage to own up to their sins, hm?"

I trailed my eyes to Hudson, it looked like the woman had taken a beating. She had a black eye, dirt covering parts of her face while she kept struggling against her restraints, kept fighting in hope to break free. The pain I experienced so far was inflicted by myself mostly, I could take more, unlike Hudson. I could do it.

"Who is going to say yes?" He asked.

Though Hudson was also in the room and much more present than I was due to her sobs and muffled screams, John only focused on me. As if he knew as if he could sense who'd say yes first.

"Someone has to go first, ladies." He pushed away from the table, pointing the screwdriver at me, "All you have to do is say yes."

"I'll go first," I told him in a small voice.

He stopped in his tracks and faced me, "What was that?"

He wanted me to say the damn word? Glaring daggers at him I clenched my jaw, trying to bite back some colorful curses which were threatening to come out.

"Yes!" I told him loud and clear, "Yes, I'll go first."

He seemed ecstatic about that, moved forward to the table and slammed the screwdriver down with such force I feared the table would collapse. The sound echoed through the room and it made Hudson more anxious.

"You won't regret this." I held my breath when I noticed him taking out a hunting knife from his toolbox, he then slowly approached me and pointed the knife at me, "I promise." He lowered his voice, his eyes trailing to my chest, "Now, let's get you out of this vest first." He cut up the sides and easily slipped the material away from my body, tossing it carelessly to the side. A sob left my lips when the cool metal of the knife pressed gently against my neck and slowly trailed down over my chest and to my stomach, a sob leaving my lips.

"We need to expose your sin." He murmured, setting the knife on the table next to his tattoo gun. He brushed his fingers over my neck, lowering them to my right collarbone. His eyes wandered to different places on my body, he was probably figuring out where to tattoo my sins. He then grabbed my arm and brushed his fingers over the inside of it, "Yes, this will do-"

We both snapped our attention to the heavy metal door when a knock echoed through the dark torture room. He pulled away from me and walked to the door. I lowered my gaze to the hunting knife. Gently I leaned toward the table and stopped breathing when I managed to lean against it with my shoulder. Across me Hudson became very quiet, she probably noticed what I was doing. I leaned my weight against the table and moved slowly back to my chair, the table rolling with me. When it was close enough I strained to brush my fingertips over the handle of the knife. I managed to touch it. Slowly, biting against the pain of pulling against the ropes I pulled the knife toward me. I exhaled when the knife fell next to me on my seat. Managing to take hold of the handle I had to make a very awkward angle to slowly saw through the ropes on my left wrist to break free. I had to hurry but the angle my wrist was in hurt a lot. Sawing through the material very slowly I pulled my hand up forcefully which broke my left wrist free. Blood was trailing down my arm as I cut through the rope on my right wrist and freed my legs. I glanced at the door which was still closed and quickly ran up to Hudson freeing her from the chair. We stared at each other, feeling hopeful about this escape. Hudson reached for the tape across her mouth and slowly pulled it away.

"He's one crazy fucker." Hudson hissed, "We need to get out of here now." She stepped to me, her eyes full of concern, "You okay?"

I glanced down at my bleeding wrists, "I will be once we get out of here." I whispered back.

She nodded, "Keep your eyes on the door, I'll search this place." Hudson ordered.

I moved to the metal door, my eyes widening when it suddenly opened, revealing John who had a massive grin on his face because of me greeting him to his torture room.

"Someone has been resourceful." He grabbed my hands and raised them, his eyes trailing over my wounds, "What a shame." He whispered, "We could have done better, Gabriella." The way my name rolled off his tongue made me shiver. Hopefully, he thought it was because of the wounds on my wrists.

I trailed my eyes over his shoulder, noticing the heavily armed peggies who were now going to guard his torture room. We couldn't leave through this door, you didn't bring a knife to a gunfight after all. One as in singular knife. We'd be overpowered and then John would probably use that knife to skin us alive. Taking my chances I turned around, quickly scanning the room to see Hudson hovering in the far corner of the room, John didn't spot her yet. She nodded toward her right, obviously, she found something. She could make it out here alive. She should make a run for it.

"Go!" I said and then grabbed onto John's arm when he moved into his torture room.

"Ah, deputy Hudson is making a run for it." He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer, pressing my front against his side while he turned to look at the guards who were ready to move, "Leave it, she won't be free for long. Let's let her think she can enjoy her freedom for now."

John then lowered his arm and wrapped his hand around my wrist, apparently not caring about the blood and if I didn't know any better it seemed like he enjoyed it when I screamed out in pain. He dragged me with him, pushing me back in the chair, his eyes flickering to the table where he left his knife. It was gone now though, I was relieved Hudson took it with her.

"We have a little thief on our hands." He sounded amused, "Leave us." He ordered the guards, "Confessions are meant to be private after all." He grinned at me.

He walked to his toolbox and revealed duct tape to me, he moved to my chair and taped my wrist to the chair, he left my feet free. He tossed the tape on the table and walked to the rolling chair which Hudson occupied before. He rolled it to the table beside me and sat down, reaching for his tattoo gun. He pointed it at me.

"Let's relieve you from your sins, Gabriella."

I glared at him, "I haven't done anything which I regret. Unlike your family, I try to live by the rules of society, John." I spat his name out, he seemed to like to use my name so I imitated him, hoping to get under his skin, hoping he'd slip up.

He chuckled, "Those who say that usually have a lot of secrets. Hiding their true selves, pretending to be someone they're not. But it's a lie, they're lying to those around them and they're lying to themselves." He triggered the gun and then moved closer, hooking a finger around the collar of my plain black tee and slightly pulled it down, I tried to move away but he ignored it. The needle of the gun brushing over the skin just above my breast, "Since this is your first time I'll help you out." He met my gaze, his lips curling up to a smirk, "Pride." He said the word slowly yet firmly as if he wanted me to really think about it.

I tried to move up on the chair by pressing my booted feet to the chair but nothing happened. Well, John laughed at me, obviously enjoying this a bit too much.

"You're wrong," I told him.

"Am I?" He asked, "Why are you here, marshal?"

It confused me that he addressed me as a marshal when he had been using my given name freely.

"I am here because you told your followers to bring me to you." I reminded him.

He pointed the tattoo gun at me, "Not here, here." With his free hand, he gestured around his torture room, "But as in Hope County here. Why are you here when you made it clear that you don't want to be here?"

Did he suffer from memory loss? Was he not paying attention when we barged through the church, wanting to arrest Joseph Seed?

"I'm here to do my job as a federal marshal, John," I said tightly.

He suddenly got up from his seat, the chair rolling back and hitting the wall. He seemed excited as he leaned in, "Exactly. You are here because you put your own desire before others." He told me, grabbing my face in his hand, his hand stained with my blood which was no doubt smeared cross my cheeks now, "You are here to make a name for yourself!" His eyes glittered, his voice getting a cheerful hint to it, "Therefore your sin is pride, dear marshal." He spat out my title to really push it.

"No!" I screeched when he suddenly grabbed the collar of my tee and pulled it down forcefully, revealing a lot more skin than before while he pressed the needle to the center of my chest.

"Hold still, otherwise it will hurt a lot more." He grinned at me, "I don't mind either way."

I kept fighting though and he needed to grab my thigh and push my leg down so he could reach me. When settled closely to me I took the opportunity and kicked him. I hit his side, making him stumble back and hit the table. He looked annoyed with me, unrestrained anger glittering in his blue eyes. I just fucked up. Without warning he got on top of me, using his weight to press me down on the chair. He held my shirt down and pressed the needle against my skin again.

"Fight, struggle a lot." He goaded me, "Let it hurt so we can scrub you clean."

He then started with the tattoo, the needle puncturing my skin which hurt so much I couldn't help but scream out. He seemed to enjoy it, his breathing picking up while a smile played on his lip. Hudson was right, he was one crazy fucker.


	3. The Promise

**Chapter three – The Promise**

* * *

Pain consumed me. My chest felt like it was burning, dried blood and sweat covering my body which made me feel disgusting. I didn't want to look in the mirror right now, no doubt I looked hideous. A chuckle left my lips, John was fucking right. I was a little prideful girl. I tried to move my head when I felt the Baptist grab my chin, making me look at him.

"You losing your mind, marshal?" His eyes trailed to the bloody mess, "It's beautiful."

"Only you'd say that," I muttered.

His eyes trailed up, meeting my gaze, "You found your voice again." He sounded amused.

My vision was blurry, but John was so close to me I could see him perfectly fine. He looked excited and I could be wrong but one minute I even thought I felt him getting hard. It must have been in my head though because all he looked like to me right now was a man high on sugar. A childish big grin spread across his stupidly handsome face.

"I'll give you a break, you've done so well today." He was cleaning his tools, putting them away in his toolbox to end our little session, "Since you've been so good I'll even let you sleep in a bed."

I let my head fall to the side, no strength left in me to actually move around, "Shower?" I asked.

He glanced over his shoulder, "Marshal, you can hardly talk right now. You think you're able to shower?" He moved to my chair with quick strides, his hand brushing my damp hair away from my face, "Tell you what, if you promise to behave I will ask one of my followers to clean you up." His fingers brushed over my ugly wounds on my wrists, "Patch you up a little. Then we'll continue things tomorrow."

I think I preferred the chopper crashing down over getting forcefully tattooed. It was horrible not to mention mutilating my skin.

"The pain is a good thing, marshal, it will cleanse your soul."

I glared at him, "My soul didn't need any cleansing."

He shook his head at me, "Are we back to the start?" He asked, "If so you'd need a little time in here to reflect on your actions. No bed and no clean clothes for you."

"No." I whispered, "Please."

He chuckled, "Since you asked so politely." He moved to the wooden table and put away his equipment, closing his toolbox and facing me while he leaned against the table, "If you behave great plans will be awaiting you tomorrow. Look forward to that, marshal."

He didn't want me to cause trouble for his followers who were going to patch me up and help me to a bed. I honestly had no strength in my left to do much. I wouldn't tell him that, if he believed that I could still cause trouble it would work in my favor.

"It's been fun." He grabbed his toolbox and moved to the metal door not paying me much attention anymore, "I'll see you tomorrow." He started whistling as he left the torture room, clearly very pleased with himself.

He was a son of a bitch. I wasn't looking forward to more tattoos tomorrow so I needed to focus on getting some rest and getting my strength back then I needed to find a way to get out of this hell hole. Not giving in to people like the Seed family was the first thing you learned at the program. I couldn't give into their weird cult. Becoming a mindless follower was as appealing to me as moving to this fucking County.

"Girly, brother John asked us to patch you up." A brown haired male follower approached me, a med kit in his hand while he had a shotgun at his side. He handed the gun to the man who accompanied him to point a gun at my head and opened the med kit on the table next to me, "Don't cause trouble." He warned me.

I suppose they all thought I was Super Woman or something. There was no strength left in me after John violated me. It wasn't comfortable having a gun pointed at my head while I was getting patched up but at least they were cleaning up my wounds and wrapping it up so I couldn't complain. Hudson didn't receive the same treatment, it could be because John assumed I was ready to join their little cult.

"I'm going to untie your wrists." He announced.

"I have a gun pointed at me, I won't do anything stupid," I told him, noticing he hesitated.

He searched my face, trying to decide if I was lying or not. He reached into his combat boot and took out a knife from its holster, cutting up the duct tape around my wrists. The pain hit me hard when there was no pressure around my wrists anymore. It made tears stream down my face.

"Confession without pain is no confession at all." The dark haired male who pointed a gun at me said.

"I know." I muttered, "John already explained things to me."

"After I patch you up we'll take you to a cell, brother John will allow you to use a bed today." The brown haired male who was cleaning my wounds on my wrists with care informed me, "He'll see you tomorrow morning before the sermon."

"Great," I whispered.

They both looked at me, not appreciating the sarcasm in my voice.

"I'm done with your wrists." The brown haired male announced, "I'm going to clean your tattoo now." He looked uncomfortable but when he noticed I made no move to stop him or hurt him he moved to his task.

I had no time to feel shame, I just wanted him to clean up my wounds so it wouldn't become a scar so ugly I'd hate looking at myself in the mirror. Pride was definitely a tricky thing. I trailed my eyes to the dark haired male who had lowered his gun, he obviously got the hint. A glint in the corner of my eyes caught my attention, browned haired male left the knife he used to cut up the duct tape around my wrists on the table beside me. If I caused a distraction I might be able to grab it and stuff it in my own boot to hold onto it. You just never knew.

"I don't feel so good." I groaned, pushing the brown haired male away and leaning to the side of my chair, pretending I needed to throw up. I grabbed onto the table for support and knocked down the med kit, the bandages and other supplies rolling down on the floor.

"If you throw up you'll clean your mess up yourself." The dark haired male growled.

I leaned over my chair, my hair hiding my face as I made a gagging sound. Both men jumped back, clearly disgusted with the thought of me throwing up in John's torture room.

"Get her some water." The brown haired male ordered.

"You're going to be okay in here?" The more aggressive dark haired male seemed worried for his partner, it was almost cute.

"It's fine, Ben, hurry up."

While the man known as Ben left the room brown haired male started to clean up the supplies which were scattered across the floor. While he was busy with that I quickly grabbed the knife and carefully shoved it in my right boot. Leaning back in the chair, I pushed the hair out of my face and settled in.

"You're causing a lot of trouble for us, girl."

"I have a name, you know," I told him.

He looked at me, his eyes glittering with amusement. Dropping the supplies back in the med kit he glanced at the wound on my chest.

"That's going to heal up if you leave it alone, you're lucky you know."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "Why is that?"

"Brother John usually cuts out your sin and displays it for everyone to see."

Imagining a wall filled with pieces of tattooed skin made me want to throw up for real. That was disgusting and evidence of John Seed having some personal issues he was dealing with.

"Guess I am lucky."

"Guess so." He murmured, "Let's get you to your cell."

I smiled at him, "We're not waiting up for Ben?" I asked.

"The sooner we can lock you up the better." He grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the chair, he grabbed his radio and let Ben know he was moving me to a cell, "Ben will hand you your water there. I suggest you go to sleep right away, you have a long day ahead of you tomorrow."

We walked down the hallway, every twist and turn confusing me since I couldn't think clearly. To be honest, everything looked the fucking same to me. It was so confusing. I did notice there were guards patrolling, their eyes following me and my friend whenever we passed a patrolling follower. Brown haired male pushed me into a tiny cell and locked up.

"Don't cause trouble." He warned me.

I seriously made an impression to these guys and I hadn't done much. I mean, I kicked John but I doubted he was spreading that news around. Were they upset I whistled in Joseph's church? Was that like a big thing? I knew I made a mistake by catching everyone's attention there. It would probably haunt me forever.

I held up my hands, "I won't."

He narrowed his eyes at me, he probably didn't believe me. Ben came walking by and handed me a water bottle, glaring daggers at me.

"Don't-"

"Cause trouble." I sighed, "I got it."

They shared a look, brown-haired male reached for his radio and informed John about my situation. I had to admit that these guys were quite organized. John was aware of everything happening in his territory, it was kind of frightening knowing he had ears and eyes everywhere. The guys left my cell once they were out of sight I turned around and observed the dull looking room. It was small, only a cot present. There wasn't anything I could do but rest up. So I moved to the cot and laid down, raising my hands in the air to observe the work of my friend. It felt a lot better, no burning pain shooting up my body which was good. Sitting up I scanned the hallway outside my cell, the patrolling guy just walked passed my cell so I quickly grabbed the knife in my boot and placed it under my pillow. I then laid back down and rolled to my side, trying to come up with a plan for tomorrow. Another confession session with John I couldn't do. Maybe I could threaten him with the knife and demand to be released. The thought scared me but it was my only option.

* * *

Hearing rustling and muffled voices in the distance I rolled to my side, blinking my eyes to adjust to the lighting. My body ached, a burning ache spreading across my chest. My eyes landed on John who stood before the iron bars, smiling at me.

"Good morning, marshal."

Menacing Ben was standing beside John, holding his gun out to me. That guy really believed I'd be the cause of their downfall or at least burn this place down to the ground. He didn't like me nor did he trust my word. Sitting up I looked up at John in expectation, no doubt he had a speech prepared for me. He surprised me by pushing Ben's gun down. He then gestured to the cell.

"Unlock it." He ordered.

Ben hesitated, but he then reached for the lever and pulled it. John stayed where he was, folding his arms across his chest while he observed me quietly.

"I'm happy to hear you decided to play by the rules last night." He stepped aside, his eyes on the female cultist who stepped inside the cell, "So to reward you for good behavior I'll permit you that shower you've been asking for." He kept my gaze, "I'll see you in the confession room when you're done."

He turned his back to me and walked away. I glanced at my pillow, knowing I had no opportunity to grab my knife. I needed it if I was going to be taken to the confession room, it would be my insurance. If John tried to tattoo me again he'd get a knife in the gut. I moved to my cot, my back to the cultist female.

"Let's move, girl, John as a sermon planned in a few hours. We can't waste time.

Yeah, the knife wasn't going to happen. I faced the woman and slowly approached her, holding my hands up to Ben who eyed me suspiciously.

"You're so uptight Ben."

He didn't respond, his look just got colder. He definitely didn't like me. I followed after the female cultist, she remained silent while we headed to the shower room. Ben who walked behind me probably pointed his gun at me just to make sure I wouldn't do anything. We reached the room I assumed because the female cultist stepped inside.

"Follow me." She ordered her voice firm and leaving no room for argument.

I stepped inside, glancing over my shoulder to see Ben standing in front of the door, blocking the exit. The female cultist closed the door and gestured to me to follow her. She grabbed a towel from a beaten up locker and nodded toward the cubicles.

"You got five minutes."

That was not a lot of time but since I was granted a shower I wouldn't complain. I stared at her and she got the hint, turning her back to me so I could get out of my clothes. I tossed them all on the table beside the beaten up locker and wrapped the towel around my body, carefully stepping into the cubicle. I turned the faucet on, testing the water with my hand. It wasn't exactly warm but it had to do. I tossed my towel over the door to the cubicle and stood underneath the lukewarm water. I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to get rid of the dirt and sweat. When I was really getting into it the female cultist cleared her throat.

"Time to get out." She ordered.

Turning the faucet off I grabbed my towel and dried my body, wrapping it tightly around me to cover myself up. I stepped out and headed back to the dressing room if you even could call it that. The woman tossed me a loose grey shirt, her eyes stern yet she showed compassion for a cultist.

"Thanks," I muttered.

She shrugged and turned around again, "Just hurry up."

I slipped on my pair of jeans and tucked my grey shirt into it. I quickly put on my socks and boots as well and pulled my wet hair to the side. I had no hair tie with me so my hair would drench my shirt.

"Ready," I told her.

She eyed me up and down, "Good, then let's head to the confession room."

I was so looking forward to that. She opened the door, letting our friendly Ben know I was ready to move to the confession room. The female cultist took point while I followed after her, Ben walking behind me and no doubt keeping his gun pointed at me. Good 'ol Ben. A few twist and turns later we arrived at a hallway which did look familiar to me. The female cultist glanced over her shoulder, her eyes meeting mine. She then knocked on the metal door and entered carefully.

"The marshal is here to see you." She announced.

The female cultist stepped aside so I could walk past her. I didn't move though which made her nod with her chin for me to step inside. I then felt Ben tap his gun against my back, more or less forcing me to enter. I stepped inside the torture room cautiously, greeted by the sight of John's massive grin. I swallowed, trying to play off the little flutter of my heart.

"Welcome marshal." He greeted, "Come, take a seat." He gestured to the chair which I occupied last night to be welcomed to a world full of pain. John then looked at his followers, "You can leave us now."

They left the room without hesitation, closing the metal door behind them. It made my heart race being alone with John in his torture room, this time not because I felt attracted to his handsome grin. Not wanting him to lose his shit over me standing by the door I moved to the chair, taking a seat.

"You see, things are so much better around here if you don't fight it."

"Barely treating me like a human being is not something to be grateful for, John."

Last time I noticed that saying his name made him react. I noticed how he stopped moving, his eyes searching mine while he clenched his jaw. Maybe he didn't want me to acknowledge him as someone on equal footing as me or maybe it just reminded him that I was indeed a breathing human being and that made this uncomfortable for him.

"Spoiled." He muttered, "Is your greed showing, marshal?"

"Is wanting to be treated like a human me showing my greed, John?" I retorted.

He was getting annoyed, I could tell by him pacing the room. He stopped moving and faced me, taking a deep breath which calmed him down.

"I'm giving a sermon this morning." He informed me.

"I've been informed."

He nodded, "The father thinks it's a good idea if you attend it." He didn't sound happy about it, he didn't look it either which told me that Joseph Seed was more or less pressuring his little brother. I wondered if Joseph had more reach than we first assumed, "He thinks it will help you believe."

I sat up straight in my chair, remembering Joseph's words. He was convinced I came to Hope County because it was God's plan. He mentioned that I had a choice to make, I had no idea what he meant by it but I couldn't ask him back then either. Burke was jumpy and the sheriff just wanted to get the fuck out of the compound, very much like me.

"Is Joseph attending it as well?" I asked quietly.

His clear blue eyes narrowed on me, "He'll arrive a little later, yes." He moved to my chair, resting his hands on the armrests while he leaned in close. I could smell his clean cologne again, this time he didn't smell like a spring morning though, "You'll attend the sermon quietly." He warned me.

His heat radiated off him, surrounding me and making it feel like a hug which suffocated me. I moved my head, not having the confidence to look him in the eyes. I gasped when his hand wrapped around my chin, forcing me to look him in the eyes anyway.

"If you cause problems for me I'll make sure you can't even remember your own name when you atone for your mistakes." He threatened me in a quiet voice.

I grabbed his wrist, the sudden physical contact from my part surprised him, "I won't do anything." I promised him, "I know when to pick my battles."

"Good." His eyes were narrowed on my hand which was still gripping his wrist, he then trailed those blue eyes to my face, "Then let's attend the sermon." He pulled away from me and moved to the metal door, giving it a firm knock which alerted his followers, "Cuff her." He ordered.

I got cuffed and then led out of the bunker. The minute I stepped outside I got blinded by the light, I felt a hand on my shoulder, one of the cultists pushing me to keep walking. When he was about to push me to get in the white van awaiting us John interfered.

"She's riding with me."

"What?" The cultist dared to question John which made the youngest Seed brother step in close, pull the man in for a hug which looked more menacing than kind and whisper something in the man's ear. Fear washed over the man's face, he nodded and stepped back his eyes on the ground.

"Come on, marshal." John grabbed my arm, it reminded me of me leading Joseph out of his church. Similar situation. Different ending. John chuckled, the man was a mind reader, he had to be, "I can tell you this, God isn't going to help you right now."

"Well, God didn't help Joseph either." I muttered, "Your people did all of that."

His grip on my arm tightened, he pushed me to the passenger seat and ripped the door open, almost hitting me in the face. This man had a temper, a burning rage within him which couldn't be extinguished.

"Get in." He barked.

I climbed in which was pretty difficult with my hands cuffed in front of me. Once I was settled in John slammed the door shut and walked around the car, climbing into the driver's seat. His anger hadn't simmered down. He stepped on the gas and drove us to the location. I was not familiar with the land and since there were farms everywhere and everything looking similar I couldn't make a mental map of the place. It was too confusing. I held my breath when John started tapping the steering wheel with his fingers, the hostility radiating from him making me lean away from him and push myself into the door.

"A pumpkin farm," I whispered, noticing the car was slowing down.

A big white tent was set up in the middle of the farm, a lot of people were already gathered. I also noticed cameras being set up and flowers decorating the place. I didn't recognize them, they looked beautiful though.

"Stay close," John told me.

"Aren't you giving a sermon?"

He looked at me, "Doesn't mean you can't stay close to me." He wrapped his hand around my neck, his eyes lowering to my chest, "I think it's the perfect time to send out a message. Letting your friend Hudson know you're still alive." He let go of me, his lips curled up to a smirk, "We're not monsters after all."

The way he said it made me hesitate though. It didn't feel like he was doing it to be friendly. John hopped out of the truck and helped me climb out, his arm wrapped around my waist while he helped me down. As he pulled me down my front slid down his firm chest, my cheeks heating. The glittering in his blue eyes told me he did it on purpose. His hand wrapped around the back of my neck, he then walked up to the white tent, my steps matching his. His cologne wrapped all around me, it made me dizzy or at least I thought it was his cologne. Somehow I couldn't think clearly anymore which was odd but I didn't question it. We reached the tent and it was remarkable how people moved out of the way for John to move forward. He walked up to the stage, letting go of me. I moved to the side, keeping out of his way as he was getting a little microphone pinned to the front of his shirt. They were testing the lighting as he moved around the stage. He looked more like a performer than a man of God. I had so many questions but John wouldn't appreciate them.

"Stay close, marshal." He warned me when I kept inching away from him, "Don't be shy now."

It was a rather warm day so John didn't wear his leather jacket. His blue shirt was opened at the chest, displaying his crossed out tattoo. It was more of an angry looking scar, looking painful as hell. I was sure my tattoo looked similar to that. Something dangled just above the opening of his shirt. It was held by a rope but I couldn't tell what it was.

"We're ready." The cultist at the camera let John know.

"Great." John sounded excited, his eyes trailing to me, "You'll get a chance at forgiveness," He pointed at me, "You'll have to decide if you embrace it with open arms or fight it and end up at the confession room again."

I stared at him open-mouthed, wondering if this is the choice Joseph mentioned I had to make. John chuckled at my confusion. He then faced the camera and started his sermon with a clear, smooth tone which was firm enough to grab everyone's attention.

"No one is void of sin." He became a personality as he moved in front of the camera, "I've said it many times, but I'll say it again, there is a way to free yourself from sin. Freedom from your sin can come from the power of saying just one word." He stopped moving, a charming a smile spread across his face, "The power of saying yes." My heart tightened painfully when John stepped to me, wrapping his hands on my arms as he pushed me in front of the camera, "Yes, I'm a sinner. Yes, I wish to be unburdened from my sin." His hand pulled down my shirt a little to reveal the angry looking tattoo on my chest, "Yes, I will redeem myself. By just saying this one word you'll reach atonement. It's as simple as that."

He released me and walked up to a cultist who held out a white book with a familiar symbol on the cover to John. He grabbed the book and with smooth steps walked up to me again, holding out the book to me, "Our devoted." He called, addressing all the cultists present in the room, "We're gathered here today to bear witness the atonement of Gabriella Cross." He was making a big show out of this, he wasn't informing Hudson about my wellbeing, he was making a statement loud and clear. I served the purpose of promoting their cult. My eyes wandered through the big tent, noticing Joseph Seed standing in the back with heavily armed cultists standing around him to protect their leader.

I unconsciously stepped back, feeling overwhelmed with so many people around, watching us. The camera pointed at me while the lights blinded my sight. This lightheaded feeling wasn't going away either. I felt like I was floating, but it wasn't a good feeling. I felt sick and all I wanted to do was lay down and close my eyes.

"Will you Gabriella Cross place your hand upon the word of Joseph?"

My eyes trailed from the book to John, I swallowed when I noticed the sinister gleam in his eyes. He was enjoying this. I had the urge to kick him in his private place, but I doubted I'd survive it. If I wanted to make it out alive, I had to go along with this charade for now. It wasn't like I'd embrace the stupid ideas of this insane family. I jumped when I felt a cultist grab my hand, thinking they were going to force me to make a move, but he merely took the cuffs off me and then stepped off the stage. Slowly I reached for the book and placed my hand on top of it.

"Do you promise to embrace the father into your heart and accept your new family?"

My eyes trailed to Joseph, looking for answers yet his face was void of any emotion. He was merely observing. I was probably staring a bit too long at Joseph Seed because everyone around me started to notice me being distracted. John followed my gaze and gestured to his brother.

"You want to make the promise to the father himself?" He asked me, John got all giddy handing the white colored book back to his follower and gestured for his brother to come on stage, "Such initiative." He shared a hug with his brother and then stood at Joseph's right as they both looked at me, "Go ahead." John gestured, "No need to be shy."

My heart was beating loudly, I feared they could both hear it. Joseph noticed my hesitation and placed his hand on my shoulders.

"It's okay my child, I've told you that I am always willing to forgive you. I'll welcome you to my family with open arms if you are ready to accept us into your heart."

This was worse than that time my mother pressured me into going on a blind date with a lovely boy from her work. The outcome of that was awful and so I had no hope for this to end well. My eyes trailed to John again, his presence much more dominating than Joseph's. He challenged me with his eyes, daring me to make the wrong move. It brought me back to Joseph's church, he looked at me the same way back then. I needed to remind myself that playing along with would keep me alive. That was all that mattered to me. I wasn't ready to die yet nor did I want to end up back in John's torture room.

"I promise." I breathed, it barely loud enough for anyone to hear.

So John nodded at me, expecting me to continue.

"I promise to embrace the father into my heart and accept my new family."

Joseph pressed his forehead against mine, making my breath hitch in my throat, "You are free of your sin, my child." He then pulled away from me, his hands never leaving my shoulders, "Eden's Garden will also be within your reach." He quietly told me.

John moved around us, wrapping up this stupid charade, "Releasing yourself of your sin is as simple as that. All you need to do is say yes."

The camera stopped rolling and John turned to look at us, his eyes on Joseph's hands which were still on my shoulders.

"Take good care of her, brother." Joseph then released me and looked at his brother, "It's easy to stray from the path when there are snakes in our garden." He then grabbed his younger brother by the shoulders and pressed his forehead against John's the same way he had done to me, "You've done well." He whispered and then pulled away, "We'll talk soon."

"Joseph!" I called when the man was about to walk away.

I ignored the surprise which flashed through John's eyes and focused on Joseph who turned to look at me.

"Was that the choice I had to make?" I asked curiously.

He smiled at me, his smile warm and inviting, "No, you'll know when the moment has come for you to make a life-changing decision. You'll feel it in your heart."

It was like he was mocking me, telling me he knew I was just playing along with their little show to appease their followers and send out a message to those who were against them. Without a word he left the tent and left me in the hands of his brother.

I glared at John, "That was not a sermon."

He grinned at me, "It was so much better than my usual reciting of the book of Joseph." He placed his arm around my shoulders and pressed me up against his side, "Well, shall we go home, marshal?"

Fuck, I was still stuck with this guy who was like a ticking time bomb waiting to go off.


	4. Corrupt Lawyer

**Chapter four – Corrupt Lawyer**

* * *

The ride to the bunker was silent, John's energy was overwhelming though, suffocating me. Eden's Gate music was playing in the background, the hymns not very comforting either right now. I felt his eyes on me, but I refused to look at him. I refused to show him my fear.

"The bunker is your home?" I asked, noticing we were slowing down, "So you people actually believe the world is ending?"

He stepped on the brakes, the pick-up truck coming to a halt. He then trailed his blue eyes to me, "You're one of us now, remember." His lips curled up to a smirk, "You made a promise, marshal. Those who break their promises should be dealt with accordingly."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "You enjoy punishing people, don't you?" I muttered.

The humor left his eyes, maybe I went too far with that one. I held my breath fearing for the worst. John, however, inhaled deeply and forced a charming smile on his face. He pulled himself together awfully fast.

"Every action you took until now has been predicted by the father." He told me quietly, "So ask yourself is Joseph just a confused man sharing lies to mislead people or might he actually be talking to a higher power and trying to protect those who are chosen."

I couldn't deny the fact that whenever I was close to that man I felt like I was in the presence of someone who was wise, someone who predicted every action that I was going to take. It was unnerving being close to Joseph and it wasn't just because I knew the man could get violent when someone betrayed him.

"I'll admit that Joseph made me doubt a few things, but even if he might be right about the end of the world or whatever-"

"The Collapse." John corrected me.

"Even if he is right about that." I continued, "It doesn't excuse him for kidnapping people and executing those who tried to betray your cult."

John narrowed his eyes at me, his blue eyes trying to penetrate my soul. I wanted to look away but he grabbed my chin and forced me to look him in the eyes.

"What did you say?" He asked, his tone clear while his eyes scanned my face.

"You don't know?" I asked him, "We have hard evidence against Joseph Seed. If he is taken in by us he is definitely going to pay for his crimes." I smiled at him, "He must atone for his sins after all." I added, gasping for air when John's hand slid to my throat and squeezed tightly.

Tears stung my eyes, grabbing onto his wrist I tried to fight back, clawing at his skin to make him release me. He didn't seem bothered by the pain at all. He merely pushed me back in my seat and cursed under his breath. He climbed out of the truck, his eyes glaring daggers at me, warning me to stay put. I brushed my fingers over my sensitive skin around my neck, hissing in pain when they brushed over the broken skin due to John's anger issues. I observed him as he talked to his followers at the entrance of his bunker. He grabbed the key which dangled just above his shirt and shoved it in the panel, unlocking the door to his bunker. He then glanced at his truck, nodding toward me which made his followers approach me. They pulled me out of the truck forcefully and shoving me in the direction of John. I stopped in front of him, his hardened blue eyes piercing me.

"Put her back in her cell." He ordered.

"Yes, John."

I pissed him off, I wondered if he'd go see Joseph after hearing the office had evidence against his brother. One of the followers grabbed my arm and pulled me away from John. I could feel the man's eyes following me but I think I've already rattled him. The followers led me to my cell and locked me up, leaving me alone. It gave me the opportunity to grab the knife. I slid it inside my boot and sat down on my bed. The next time John was close I'd have to shove the knife in his gut, it was the only way to get out of here.

* * *

I was napping when someone kicked my bed, "Wake up girly, John wants to see you."

Fear washed over me which made the follower chuckle. He didn't indulge me though, he wanted the fear to consume me. It humored him.

"Hold your hands out."

That confused me, if we were going to the torture room they wouldn't cuff me. They were taking me somewhere. I slowly raised my hands, holding them out to him. He cuffed them tightly, the cuffs biting into my skin.

"Step out of the cell." The man ordered.

I did as told and stopped in front of an awaiting follower who looked different from the rest of them. His face hidden from me by a mask. He nearly glanced at me and then turned his back to me, taking point. The man who cuffed me pressed the butt of his gun against my body.

"Keep moving, girl." He ordered.

Stepping forward I followed after the man who looked like a serial killer who lived in the woods, quietly stalking his prey before he moved in for the kill, the chase is what excited him. We headed out of the bunker and approached a white colored van. The intimidating follower turned on his heels, facing me and holding up a blindfold.

"W-What?" I stepped back which made me walk into the follower who cuffed me.

"You're so jumpy, marshal." The man before me chuckled, "No need to be so scared, it's just a precaution." He teased me, "Step forward." He ordered.

I did as told, my breathing hitching in my throat when the blindfold slid over my eyes and darkened my vision. He then grabbed onto my arm and placed his other hand on the back of my head, forcing me into the vehicle.

"We'll take it from here." It was the voice of the intimidating follower.

The door slammed shut and then the van started moving. I had no idea where we were going, but I didn't have to fear death. They had many opportunities to kill me yet they kept me alive. It was the will of the father after all. It took a while for the car to slow down, the entire time I remained silent and listened to voices which were heard over the radios the heavy-armed followers carried. Sheriff Whitehorse escaped the grasp of Faith. That was a good thing, deputy Hudson and sheriff Whitehorse were both free. I wondered what happened to Burke. Did he leave the county? Was he coming back with the national guard?

"We're here, marshal." A hand clasped around my arm, I then got dragged out of the car, "Watch your step." The man chuckled when I stumbled forward when my feet hit the ground. The blindfold was then lowered revealing a big wooden house to me, "John will see you in his office."

They led me into the house which was well lit, I noticed two followers patrolling the front of the house, no doubt there were also followers at the back of the house patrolling the area. Inside there were more guards, all of them snapping their attention to me when I was led inside. The guys who were taking me to John ignored them all and moved to the second floor. They stopped in front of a door right next to the stairs, knocking and then announcing their presence.

"We've brought the marshal here to see you."

"Let her in." John's voice sounded muffled yet it didn't lose its bite. He was still pissed.

The man who had been teasing me from the start held the door open to the office and signaled for me to step inside. Once I entered the office the sound of a door shutting echoed through the dimly lit room. Before me, John sat behind a large mahogany desk. Papers scattered across the desktop. I slowly stepped closer to him, my eyes landing on the paper which laid before John, his name signed neatly on the document. What caught my eye was that he signed it John D, then corrected his mistake and written Seed after it. Was it because the man had been boiling in his anger which made him reckless? Something familiar caught the corner of my eye. My eyes landed on a file which John had pushed aside, my name written on it. His chuckle made me look at him.

"Curious?" He asked, grabbing the file and placing it on top of the document he signed, "It's how I learned your name." His fingers brushed over my name. The ink covering his fingers and hand distracting me, "Which college you went to and when you started your career as a marshal."

"H-How did you get it?"

He lifted his hand and shook his finger at me, "Don't you know that curiosity killed the cat, marshal." He then got to his feet, walked around his desk and stepped in front of it. He was so close to me I could smell his fresh cologne again. He leaned against his desk, his hands gripping the edge of the expensive wood, "Marshal Burke has been caught along the border, Jacob's men hunted him down and handed him off to Faith." He pushed away from his desk and closed the distance between us, his lips so close to my ear I closed my eyes and forced myself not to respond to him, "Faith will help him walk the path." He whispered, his fingers brushing over my arm while his hot breath tickled my ear and the side of my neck, "The bliss will guide him, welcome him to our family." John chuckled and pulled away from me, staring down at me with gleaming eyes.

I pushed against his chest, my violent act causing him to laugh, "What does that even mean?!" Tears were stinging my eyes as a million different scenarios flashed through my mind.

"Better yet I just made a call to your office." My eyes widened, knowing what it meant, "You see, marshal, justice and playing by the rules no longer apply to the world we're living in. Now it revolves around money." He chuckled, "One phone call made them bury this case deep." His eyes glittering with excitement, "No one will be coming for you, marshal." He rubbed it in, his voice taunting, "No one will be coming to save you."

I ignored his taunting, "What happened to Burke?!" I stepped to him gripping the collar of his silk blue shirt which made a ripping sound, "What did you do to Cameron?" I growled, anger gripping me and consuming me from within.

John's fingers tightened in my hair and pulled, making me hiss in pain and release his shirt, "This is what I've been wanting to see." He seemed so excited, laughter clear in his voice, "Don't worry, we'll put you back together when you fall apart." He let go of me.

When he released me I doubled over, my hair covering my face as I gave into the sobs which I had been keeping in. John enjoyed it, he reveled in my despair.

"What use does your evidence has now?" He asked, rubbing in his successful blackmailing, "You see, marshal, it is my job as Eden's Gate lawyer to keep people like you away from Joseph. Away from Eden's Gate." He leaned toward me, wanting to trample me with his taunting, "I am pretty good at what I do."

He was corrupt, a corrupt lawyer who knew how to play the game well. He preached about a life free from sin yet he was filled till the brim with sin. My breaths were shallow because my lungs weren't filling up with air. I could sense how close John was and as I looked down I stared at his nice leather shoes. He was so close it'd be easy. Quickly bending down further I grabbed the knife stuffed in my boot and with a squeal I moved forward, John backed up, he probably jumped back due to my squeal. The knife sunk into his right shoulder, blood seeping through his blue silk shirt, drenching the fabric. I pushed the knife in deeper, hatred taking over and making me see red. He grabbed my wrist with his left hand, trying to stop me from hurting him more. Despite the knife stuck in his shoulder he never made a sound. Did he not feel pain? Was he even human?

"What did you get yourself into, John?" The deep voice made me freeze, my hands dropping.

My eyes trailed to John's face, noticing him clenching his jaw, "The marshal and I were just talking."

A deep chuckle made a shiver run down my spine, "Joseph is convinced you'll die young, baby brother." I dropped my hands to the side, lifelessly standing before John when I felt a hand on my shoulder, "When you let your guard down like that his prediction might actually come true." The hand then squeezed my shoulder tightly, "Hand her to me. She'll be more useful at Whitetail Mountains."

John gripped the handle of the knife and pulled it out of his shoulder, blood pouring out, the copper scent making me sick to my stomach.

"We need a medic in here." The man standing behind me quietly spoke into his radio.

Loud footsteps were echoing through the hallways and then people poured into the room. They were fawning over John, getting to work to patch up him up. He didn't acknowledge any of them, his eyes were on the man behind me.

"Joseph entrusted her to me." He said between clenched teeth.

The man who still had a hand on my shoulder slowly turned me, making me face him. My eyes hit his chest first, taking in his grey shirt. Dog tags dangled in front of his chest. I slowly trailed my eyes up, my eyes landing on his very blue eyes.

"You want to see your friends, marshal?" The man asked him, his deep voice resonating through me.

I shook my head, wanting to step back, feeling saver around John who I stabbed with a knife than bear man known as Jacob Seed. There was just something unsettling about him.

"You're making your rounds?" John asked, changing the subject so casually it made me admire him.

"I came to check on you." I stepped aside when the older brother approached John, his eyes lingering on the wound which the medic was patching up.

"I'm fine," John responded quietly.

Jacob then trailed his eyes to me, "Don't let your guard down around her, next time she might not miss." He folded his arms across his chest, "If it were up to me you'd be dead by now." He warned me his voice quiet yet loaded with so much anger it wrapped around you like a tight fist.

"Joseph wants her alive." John pushed away from his desk when he was patched up, "I'll deal with her later." The threat in John's voice clear.

Jacob never looked away from me, he didn't trust me. He didn't speak up about it but I think I was now on his hit list for stabbing his little brother. He didn't ask John if he was okay but the man knew what his brother wanted to hear, he didn't touch John yet the love was clear in his eyes. The man didn't only have the size of a bear he also became protective like one.

"We're going to tighten security around you."

John didn't seem to like the idea, "Why?" He gestured to me, "She's practically harmless."

Jacob didn't back down, "I've seen the footage you're going to use, you think the resistance is going to accept what you did? There is also the matter of deputy Hudson's whereabouts being unknown. The woman isn't going sit quietly. The hatred she has for you makes her unpredictable."

The older brother turned on his heels, heading to the door since he apparently was done talking to John. He made a decision and John couldn't convince him otherwise. Interesting. John followed after his brother, giving me a warning glare.

"Stay where you are, I'm not done with you." He then left the office, quickly making his way out of his office to catch his brother.

When they were out of sight I moved to the window, searching for a way out. There was no way I could make my escape through the front door, but just maybe I could sneak out the window and make a run for it. I was opening the window, ready to look out when I felt the butt of a gun on tap against the back of my head.

"Stay put."

There'd be no escaping this place. Sighing I turned and looked at the guy who was pointing his gun at me. He looked like one of Jacob's men, menacing and emotionless. I unconsciously held my hands up, letting him know I wouldn't be a threat to him.

"Check her." He ordered, signaling to a female cultist to approach me, "Make sure she has no weapons on her."

When I was cleared the cultists and the threatening guy left the office, locking the door behind them. My situation wasn't looking great but there were many things I learned tonight. If I couldn't fight my way out I could turn the situation in my favor by playing along with them. Burke was in the hands of Faith, she was doing something to him which involved the bliss. I had no idea what it was but at least he was alive. Deputy Hudson was out there, Eden's Gate had no idea where she was. That was a good sign. Hopefully, she'd find a way to get me out of here.


	5. Eden's Gate

**Chapter five – Eden's Gate**

* * *

Waiting for John to deal with me was a nightmare. I stayed in his office for what felt like hours, the sun was already out by the time someone walked in. It wasn't John though, it was one of Jacob's men. He tossed me a bottle of water, I couldn't see his face because it was covered with a mask. His eyes were cold and emotionless. My throat was so dry I couldn't swallow so I drank the water. That lightheaded feeling came back when I drank half the bottle. I hadn't eaten for a few days so my body was probably warning me.

"Follow me." He ordered.

I did as told, following the man down the stairs. I didn't know John's place had a basement but apparently, it did. My heart beating out of my chest when the man led me into a room which looked the same as his torture room in the bunker.

"Get in the chair."

When I didn't move he barked his order at me, "Get in the chair."

I moved to the rolling chair, sitting down. The minute I sat down the man grabbed my wrists and tied them behind me, then he tied my ankles and got to his feet.

"John will be with you in a minute." He announced and then walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

John was going to make me pay for stabbing him, I had a feeling he'd be more vicious since his older brother mocked him. By now it was clear to me that the man had an anger problem, expressing himself through these vicious methods made him feel something other than anger. I tried to move in my chair, my feet scraping against the concrete floor. As I moved forward to the woodworking table I noticed dried up blood splattered across the floor. I had to fight back the urge to throw up. When I reached the woodworking table the door to the torture room opened and a tired sigh reached my ears.

"You're always up to something, aren't you?" John closed the door, walking to me with slow, deliberate steps, "Isn't it tiring, marshal?" He asked, "Always planning ahead, always trying to run and always failing." He walked around my chair, grabbed the back of it and rolled me back.

"Listen, I didn't mean to-"

John grabbed my chin, leaning in as his eyes blue eyes narrowed on me, "No lies, marshal. You meant to hurt me, just admit it."

He was right, there was no lying about my intentions, "Yes, I meant to hurt you."

He released me and walked to his woodworking table, "Good, trust can be built between us when we stop deceiving and lying."

"You're telling me you're not lying to me to get what you want?" I asked, "I can recall a certain sermon which was supposed to help me believe never happening."

He threw a look at me, "That was unavoidable, the father suggested it was the right time to welcome you to Eden's Gate. If it was up to me we'd still be in the confession room because it's clear your soul is not cleansed." He reached for the toolbox which was underneath the table and placed it on top of it with a loud bang which made my heart race, "But as you can see we're back where we left off and I'll make sure you leave your past behind and accept your new life."

He grabbed a screwdriver from his toolbox which made me shake my head at him. He couldn't be serious, there was no way. I tried to roll back but I was so anxious that my feet barely scraped against the concrete floor. John grabbed tightly onto my arm, keeping me in place. His grip so tight it made me squeal.

"Sh." He hushed me, "I've told you before, you think you won't be able to handle the pain but you can. When you push past it, you'll come out clean and will feel liberated. Let's liberate you from your sins, Gabriella." I screamed so loud it echoed through his torture room as he slammed the screwdriver through my thigh with brute force. His hands gently brushing my hair back as he made hushing noises, "It's okay." He whispered, "You're okay."

Tears streamed down my face, my body wanting to double over as the pain coursing through it was too much for it to bear. John cupping my face made me sit up though, his eyes taking in my face contorted with pain.

"Just breathe in slowly." His fingers brushing gently through my hair, fixing the mess. When I dared to look him in the eyes I saw warmth in his usual cold blue eyes, "That's it." He whispered, his hand then gripped the handle of the screwdriver, "Shall we start over, Gabriella?" He asked, "To build that trust we need to accept each other?"

I didn't want to answer him, I didn't want to give in merely because I was in pain. The pain was so bad though, the tears wouldn't stop streaming and though my sobs quieted down I couldn't help but breathe in and out deeply. Every breath reminding me of the screwdriver stuck in my thigh.

He pushed the screwdriver in deeper, a loud scream escaping from my lip, "Are you ready to live by your promise to the father?" He asked me quietly.

I nodded, leaning my head against his arm as I cried, wanting to be relieved from the intense pain coursing through my body. My vision blurred I didn't know if it was due to my tears or the fact that blood kept pouring down my jeans.

"You need to answer me." He released the handle of the screwdriver, his hand gently pressing against the back of my head, while he let me lean against his arm in some way of comfort, "You need to say it loud and clear."

"Yes." I voice sounding small and weak, "Yes." I repeated again.

He patted my head and then pulled away, taking his radio off his belt, "I need a medic in here." He ordered. He held onto his radio, folding his arms across his chest while his blue eyes took me in, "When you're patched up we'll make sure you'll never forget your promise to the father." He strapped his radio back to his belt and moved to the woodworking table. I had barely any strength left in me, I couldn't hold myself up and so I only saw his legs and nice dress shoes. I heard him move around the room, he then grabbed a rolling chair and sat down beside me, assembling a tattoo gun.

"No," I whispered, not wanting to do that again.

His eyes trailed to the door which opened, "Patch her up." He ordered, "Did Jacob give you the measurements?" John asked.

"We've prepared her a dose." A male voice answered John.

"Good." He put the tattoo gun down on the small table beside me and held his hand out. A glass of what looked like water was given to John. With his free hand he helped me sit up and pressed the glass to my lips, "Drink up, it will make you feel better."

My throat felt tight due to all the crying I had been doing, having something to drink would make me feel better. I didn't question it and slowly drank the water. I heard fabric rip and then felt cold air hit my thigh which made the wound sting. I cried out which made me choke in my water.

"The medic is going to clean your wound and wrap it up, bear with it." He placed the glass down on the table and reached for my right arm, pushing the fabric up and letting my arm rest on his lap. He smiled at me, his fingers brushing over my skin, "In a few seconds you'll be feeling a lot better. Everything will be okay." He then reached for the tattoo gun and tested it, "You'll wear the symbol of Eden's Gate." A soft chuckle leaving his lips, "The father wears it on his back, you might recall it since you're the one who guided him out of the church that night."

I moved my head to the side, looking away from John as a sudden sense of peace washed over me. I didn't feel the pain in my thigh anymore, it felt like I was floating. John's voice sounding so pleasant to me. I wanted him to keep talking, his words wrapping around me and comforting me.

"Did you give him that ink?" I asked.

"It's one of my hobbies you could say." He pressed the needle to my skin and started his little project. I honestly didn't feel a thing and that might be because I was slowly losing my mind. There was something in that water, it had to be. No way the blood loss was making me feel this way, "I also quite enjoy flying my plane around the valley."

"It must be pretty up there but let's be real I have no clue what this valley looks like."

"You've seen the farmland."

"So you're saying the farms look pretty up there?"

He chuckled, "It's something else up there, Gabriella. Maybe I'll show it to you one day."

I then trailed my eyes to him, noticing how peaceful he looked. He was focused on his work, a small smile playing on his lips. He looked so beautiful, so vibrant. I wanted to reach for him but John stopped his work and pushed me back.

"You need to stay still, you want your ink to look pretty, don't you?"

"You're beautiful," I whispered, leaning back in my chair.

His laughter filled the room, "Jacob messed up your dose. You're too susceptible." He went back to his work on my arm, "Well, it works in my favor I suppose."

"John, obviously he did it to protect you." I let him know, "He loves you after all." I sang.

He shook his head at me, I followed his gaze when he suddenly looked away from me and paused his work. I forgot about the medic working on my thigh, but apparently, he was done. There were also two followers in the room, both of them keeping quiet and merely observing.

"You can leave now." John ordered, "Prepare a room for Gabriella. Get her some clean clothes too."

He no longer referred to me as the marshal, I suppose I no longer was the marshal since I've agreed to be part of their cult. I was weak and broke too easily. Hudson shouldn't come back for me at all. I didn't deserve it and my clouded mind kept yelling at me to stay here forever. To be happy and be forever surrounded by this man with the beautiful voice and the vibrant colors which were so pleasing to the eyes.

* * *

I woke up to the bright light shining through the window, bathing the room in warmth. When I sat up in the nice bed which had nothing on the bed in my cell pain shot through me. I groaned, touching my thigh which was a bad idea because that hurt even more. Then a burning pain in my arm made me push up the sleeve of my black shirt to reveal a wrapped up tattoo, covering my forearm. My eyes hurt, feeling dry and irritated. My hair felt like it was an oily mess hanging limply down my back. I needed a shower to feel alive again. Pushing the sheets off my body I tried to sit up but I had no strength to keep myself up and bite through the pain. Falling forward I caught myself by pressing my hands to the floor and biting my lip to muffle my scream.

"Are you okay?" I female follower entered the room, reaching for me and helping me up, "My name is Holly. John asked me to see to you this morning."

"Gabriella." I introduced myself.

She smiled gently at me, "I know, I think everyone knows." She whispered the last part, "Let's get you back to bed." Laying back down I took in the girl who helped me.

She had soft features, light brown hair cascading down her back. She was pretty, didn't seem like the other followers who came to see me until now. Yet there was something in her eyes, something I couldn't describe.

"You'll heal up in no time, then you can leave this place and live your life in Eden's Gate."

I held my breath when John stepped in the room, looking freshly showered, wearing a white shirt tucked into his jeans, his signature brown leather belt with a big cross covered in studs catching my attention. His shirt was like always unbuttoned enough to show off his marking. He held a glass of water in his hand, approaching me and holding the glass to me. When I took it from him I noticed how Holly who stood behind John shook her head at me. Warning me not to take it. I couldn't refuse though and honestly, I needed it since it did help me forget about the pain flowing through me. John helped me sit up while he spoke to the woman behind him.

"They'll take you back to the compound." His eyes never left mine.

"You asked me to take care of her so-"

"I got it." John then turned to her, I couldn't see his expression but it made warmth fill up Holly's eyes as she subtly smiled at him.

"Okay." She whispered.

I watched them as I drank my water, knowing it was somehow drugged to make me apparently more susceptible to their beliefs. I did notice that after drinking it yesterday I liked listening to whatever John had to say. Holly was probably right about not drinking it but becoming oblivious to the obvious threat felt so much better than living in a world of pain. Always running and always failing. I was done with that. When John turned to me he grinned, looking like a little boy as he took the empty glass from me.

"Good girl." He praised me, "You'll see that things will be so much better around here now that you truly accepted your new family." He pointed at me, "The father will be pleased." He turned his back to me heading to the door, "Someone will bring you your food in a little while. Eat up and get your strength back."

Yeah, life in Eden's Gate couldn't be that bad. They took care of me and treated me like a human being again now that the struggling was over.


	6. The Resistance

**Chapter six – The Resistance**

* * *

It took a week to be fully mobile again, John kept giving me the drugged water so I was in a constant state of feeling like I was floating through the air. He started talking to me about the collapse, reading me passages from the book of Joseph. I understood now why he kept giving me the water because I was indeed falling for their beliefs. I couldn't help but love the father and I didn't even know the man. This wasn't me, yet I didn't want to fight the feeling either. I was standing in the bathroom, running my fingers through my dark locks, feeling anxious about today's plans. I glanced at the closed door when I heard John's voice call for me. Cautiously exiting the bathroom I met the man's blue gaze. He was leaning against the doorpost, his arms folded across his chest which made the sleeves of his blue silk shirt tighten around his arms. His eyes raked over my body, my cheeks heating up at how intimate this moment felt.

"The dress fits you."

"It does." I agreed, "Thank you."

He pushed away from the doorpost and walked to me, his eyes trailing to my arm with the tattoo which he put on me.

"Joseph can't wait to see you." He told me quietly. His fingers brushing over the words in cursive letters beneath the symbol of Eden's Gate. He felt me tremble and raised his eyes to meet my gaze, "Are you nervous?"

I nodded, "Yes." I whispered.

"You don't have to be, you've reached atonement. The gates to Eden are opened for you."

"It's not that."

The thing was I noticed that John was highly intelligent after spending so much time with him. It didn't make sense to me that he had this sadistic side to him which made him enjoy inflicting pain on others and sometimes I even dared to believe that he enjoyed receiving pain. I recalled the moment in his office when I stabbed him. He showed no sign of being in pain, he ripped the knife out of his shoulder, not caring about the damage it might do. In that slight moment, I had seen his eyes come to life. It could have been my imagination though.

"We've moved past what happened at the church that day, it's was the marshal who kept you from seeing what was right, but it won't happen again."

Cameron. What happened to him? Thinking about him made the warm feeling of the drugs wear off. John mentioned that Burke was welcomed to the bliss, it couldn't be good. I might enjoy my new life here that didn't mean Cameron was enjoying his. He might be a stubborn man and sometimes a bit exasperating, but he didn't deserve to be forced to do something he didn't want to. It might my heart squeeze painfully and my anxiety simmer in my belly.

John's radio made a noise and then a voice was heard, "The car is ready."

John grabbed his radio and answered them, "We're on our way." He put his radio back, his eyes locking with mine, "Let's go, we're heading to the compound."

He turned on his heels and left the room, I followed after him obeying him like a good girl which he always called me. It surprised me when John who now wore his long jacket got into the back seat together with me, a truck with the chosen driving before us and one behind us. Jacob didn't mess around when it came to security around his brothers.

"Isn't it a bit too much?" I asked, glancing behind me to see the men wearing masks looking menacing and indifferent like always.

"Don't mind them."

John didn't speak his mind which meant that it was necessary. The ride to the compound was rather long when we rode in silence. Beside me, I felt John losing his usual giddy personality and slowly getting grimmer. I didn't understand the change of mood but I didn't dare to question him either. I shivered which made John glance at me.

"You're cold?"

"I'll be fine."

Sighing he shrugged off his jacket and held it out to me. I stared at him which made him lose his patience, he wrapped the jacket around my shoulders and grumbled, "Do I need to help you put it on?" He asked, his tone mocking me.

"I'll manage." I quickly shrugged it on, the jacket providing me with warmth which I needed.

Arriving at the compound, we climbed out of the truck I watched as John approached me and grabbed my wrist. He dragged me with him to enter the church, not giving me time to give into my concerns. He was definitely not the guy who I had been spending time with at the Seed Ranch. Entering the church I scanned my surroundings, my cheeks heating up when I felt everyone watching us move to the front of the church. He stopped at the pew in front and gently pushed me down.

"Sit here."

"John?"

We both glanced at the woman who approached him, her eyes trailing from me to the man whose look didn't falter. He stood straight, watching her carefully as a small smile spread across her face.

"I haven't seen you in a while."

"I've been busy." He answered, "If you excuse me, Joseph wants to see me before the sermon starts."

I noticed the deflated look on her face, she tried to hide it with a smile though, "I'll keep Gabriella company then."

John narrowed his eyes at me, I couldn't read minds though so I had no idea what he was trying to tell me. Without a word, he left us in search of Joseph. As I glanced around the church I swallowed nervously. A lot of followers were around, chosen standing on the sidelines with their shotguns in hand. It didn't feel like a warm scene to be enjoyed. It felt threatening, the drugs had definitely worn off.

"Is he still giving you the bliss water?"

I glanced at Holly, "Excuse me?"

"Are you still drinking it?" She whispered to me, when I didn't answer her she leaned in closer, "That shit isn't good for young minds, it fucks us up. You shouldn't drink it." She warned me, using her words this time.

"I had no choice," I whispered back.

She narrowed her eyes at me, "You do have a choice now. Don't drink it anymore."

I thought she was part of the project because she believed in it. She joined them willingly, didn't she? It didn't make sense that she warned me about the water. I did notice how she looked at John, they were definitely in some kind of relationship. The day I woke up after he shoved a screwdriver in my thigh I noticed he treated her differently. Today, however, he wasn't gentle. Something changed. I felt her eyes wander over me and met her curious gaze.

"Isn't that his jacket?" She asked, her fingers brushing over the print on my right shoulder, "He loves it. He's obsessed with flying his plane, getting restless when he can't go up there and enjoy the thrill of being completely free."

I wouldn't tell her about the promise he made me, it would tear her apart no doubt. The longing in her eyes made me want to look away and pretend I didn't know anything about them. I looked up, hearing a childish giggle. The little sister held her hand out to me, inviting me over with a warm smile.

"Doesn't it feel liberating walking the path?" She asked, helping me to my feet. She surprised me when she suddenly grabbed both my hands and pulled me close, "When you have faith in the father he'll have faith in you and guide you to your purpose." She laughed her hands brushing over the sleeves of John's jacket, "It suits you quite well, doesn't it?" She asked and then let go of me, "Welcome to the family, Gabriella." She then moved to the front of the church and stood at the right much like the first time I entered this place.

I sat back down beside Holly, feeling the shift in her. I wanted to get out of here, I wanted to go home. When did the Seed Ranch become home though? Bad thoughts wrapping around me after a week full of enlightened moments made me feel like I was out of breath. The room fell silent which made me sit straight and force my gaze ahead. I couldn't let them see my discomfort, I couldn't let them see my doubt. It was just this moment when I went home together with John again everything would be okay. Joseph Seed moved to the front of the room, his eyes scanning the faces of the people who showed up for his sermon. His eyes lingered on me he then stepped forward and then began his dramatic preaching. It was quite entertaining but it wasn't the same as listening to John's gentle voice as he read from the book of Joseph. I glanced at John who stood by the big screen, my heart skipping a beat noticing he was staring at me. It was the same dark look he showed me when I walked in together with the marshal and sheriff, yet it felt different. It wasn't dark and sinister like he was challenging me. It was something else which made me feel embarrassed, pressing my thighs together while I wrapped his jacket tighter around me, trying to hide from the rest of the room. A deep chuckle made me blush deeper while John's eyes turn away from me and moved to the left. I followed his gaze, feeling like someone dumped a bucket of ice water over me when I noticed we had Jacob's attention. John and I refused to look at each other after being caught by the older brother, it only amused him more. When Joseph ended his sermon people started to surround him, wanting to have a chance to speak to the father. It gave me a little breather because Jacob kept his eyes on Joseph then. John turned the big screens off and moved past the pew, his eyes meeting mine as he then walked out of the church. He didn't ask me to follow him so we weren't going home yet.

"Gabriella."

I got up and moved forward, approaching Joseph carefully as he held his hands out to me. He placed his hands on my arms, his eyes gentle and full of warmth. Unlike the people who were surrounding us, I felt hesitant. His eyes trailed to Jacob who then told everyone to give us some space.

"John has told me you're very accepting of our beliefs."

"It made sense to me when he read to me from your book."

"I am glad you've accepted your new family." He leaned in pressing his forehead against mine. He then pulled away yet he didn't let go of me, "It gave John the chance to redeem himself." He lowered his voice, his hands trailing down and grabbing my hands the same way Faith had done, "He is not always good, helping you find your way to Eden's Gate was a good thing for you both." He smiled at me warmly and then let me go, "You'll make the right choice."

He kept saying that but didn't I already make my choice? How was choosing to put down my gun and stop fighting not the choice he kept talking about? I had so many questions and apparently, I wasn't good at hiding my confusion because he chuckled. It was soft yet deep.

"God will test you, your test will demand of you to make a sacrifice."

"Wasn't my test accepting this project?"

Behind his yellow glasses, his tired looking eyes gleamed at me. I haven't seen this kind of look in his eyes before. The few times I had seen him he was always expressionless or his eyes cold. He looked to be amused with me today though.

"It was never the question of you joining the project, it was the question of when you'd do that."

We both snapped our attention to the doors when we heard footsteps echo through the church. Joseph then looked at me again.

"John." Joseph's voice changed, it sounded more gentle.

John approached his brother, standing beside me. Joseph placed his hand on John's head, leaning in and pressed his forehead against his lightly.

"You've done good, brother." Joseph whispered, "Can you see the difference when you love them, John?" He asked, pulling away and giving John some space to make up his mind.

"I can, Joseph."

It was a lie, yet John didn't hesitate to answer his brother without blinking at his own lie. I remember John referring to Jacob being the one who made the measurements to the drugs they've been giving me. There was no way Joseph was oblivious to this. He must know what happened in John's personal torture chamber, he must know about the drugs yet he pretended my acceptance went peacefully. I thought I was the only one ignoring the situation but clearly, I wasn't alone in that department. John and Joseph were having a quiet conversation and I left them to it. I couldn't spot Holly anywhere, she made her escape sometime during my talk with Joseph. Walking out of the church I tried to catch my breath. I wrapped the jacket around me, watching the sun color the sky a deep orange and red.

"You're getting all comfortable at the ranch."

The voice low and deep, grumbling and resonating through your body as he spoke. It fitted the man. I glanced aside, the man kept his gaze straight ahead but I knew this guy was aware of everything around him. I didn't even dare to breathe the wrong way not knowing what he'd do to me. He made it clear last time we saw each other that he wanted me dead for hurting his brother. If Joseph didn't make it clear I was to stay alive I was pretty sure this guy would have killed me already.

"I'm getting acquainted with the project." I stared back at him, noticing his eyes were a clearer blue than his younger brothers. So bright the bright blue sky couldn't even compete with him.

"Let's call it that." The breathy chuckle which followed made me swallow nervously. He stepped closer to me, towering over me with his height. A woodsy scent surrounding me and even though I felt kind of intimidated right now I couldn't look away from him, "You do something to threaten John again and I will bring you with me to the mountains. We'll see then how worthy you are." He spoke quietly and then stepped back, his eyes narrowing on something or someone behind me, "I suggest you play along for your own sake." He turned on his heels and made his way to a truck, I suppose it was his.

"Let's head home."

John placed his hand on my back and guided me to the awaiting truck, the chosen surrounding it.

"Does Jacob still thinks I'll kill you in your sleep?" I asked, finding it ridiculous that he had this many chosen around to protect him.

"Just get in." John pushed me forward slightly, wanting me to climb inside the truck.

It was odd to me how he never answered my question concerning the chosen. I couldn't help but think that they weren't lingering around John because of me. Something was going on and John was keeping quiet about it. I stared at him and for a little while he ignored it but then he got annoyed with me and finally looked at me.

"It is nothing to concern yourself with." His voice was a lot firmer, the anger which I hadn't seen the last couple of days slowly getting ignited again.

We were staring at each other when the echo of voice came piercing through the radio. It was a message from the truck in front of us. Trouble was heading our way. I gasped when John suddenly placed his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to him.

"Head to the bunker and call in the planes to deal with them." He ordered, "Let Jacob know the resistance is making their move."

"Yes, John." The driver went off course letting the trucks before us and behind us deal with the resistance.

John kept me close to him, his grip got tighter around me when I tried to pull away. I was pressed against his body, bathing in his warmth. He placed his hand on the back of my head and let my head rest against his shoulder.

"You're still going to keep quiet?" I asked him.

He clenched his jaw, keeping his gaze ahead, "Your friend deputy Hudson joined the people at Fall's end and made it her mission to come to get you." He glanced down at me, "Deputy Hudson despite screaming out her pain and her begging for mercy never lost her fight. She's trouble and she's coming for you."

My eyes narrowed on the key which dangled so close to my face now. John noticed my staring and grabbed my chin, lifting my face so I looked at him again.

"The father had a dream about you and what you'll find out very soon is that whatever he predicts always comes true."

He kept me close to him the entire ride to the bunker. I think by now it was safe to say that he was afraid the resistance would take me away from them. Joseph trusted him to keep me with the project and he didn't want to disappoint his brother. Staying in the bunker to stay hidden from the resistance didn't sound appealing to me at all. I liked the ranch, though it was very big and a lot of peggies were always around it still felt homey. The bunker was just a depressing place. When we reached the bunker the chosen led us to a panel. It was then I found out what the key was for. John took it off and jammed it in the panel, unlocking the heavy door to the bunker. Even if the resistance found out I was in the bunker they wouldn't be able to enter it. At least I assumed no one else had a key. John took his key back and placed it back around his neck. He grabbed my hand instead of my wrist and dragged me with him into the bunker.

"We'll stay here for a while, they'll give up once we push back. They always do."


	7. Bait

**Chapter seven – Bait**

* * *

I was put back in my cell with the crappy bed, it made me want to go back to the ranch so I could sleep in the comfy bed with the amazing sheets. I was aware that John spoiled me, giving me those luxurious things which made my stay comfortable at his house. The only difference this time was that the peggies didn't lock my cell, I could roam around if I wanted to. John made it clear the control room and the armory were strictly forbidden and if I dared to enter one of those rooms he'd punish me. That was okay though, I had no intention to sneak around in either one of those rooms. I was sitting on my bed, being given the book of Joseph to entertain myself. It was torture. I was bored out of my mind and starting a conversation with the peggies who were patrolling outside my cell was a lost cause. I got to my feet and walked to the guy who was about to pass my cell.

"Is John around?"

The guy narrowed his eyes at me, holding his weapon in front of him to warn me, "He's in his office."

"He has an office in here?" When the guy was about to continue his route I stopped him again, "Where is his office exactly?" I asked.

He gave me directions despite the suspicious looks he threw my way. He wanted to distrust me but was conflicted about his feelings since news about me being part of Eden's Gate spread like wildfire. It was entertaining to see a rainbow of emotions spread across his eyes, but I rather talk to John. I made my way to John's office, standing before it as I tried to come up with an excuse to see him. I stood in front of the metal door for what felt like ten or fifteen minutes when the door opened and John leaned against the doorpost.

"Have you made up your mind yet?"

I glanced up noticing the cameras, he had eyes everywhere so it wasn't odd that he knew I was standing in front of his office having doubts about my decision to see him.

John smirked, apparently he knew what I was thinking, "They told me you were heading my way."

I stared at him, he seemed to be in a good mood today. Three days ago he was angry and scary and he went straight to the confession room better known as the torture room. I didn't question him, it was clear what he'd do to relieve some of that anger. Screams which echoed through the bunker couldn't be unheard. He could be as sadistic as he could be charming. The question was which side of him was the real John.

"Can I enter?" I asked, my eyes trailing over his shoulder to his office.

He pushed the door open and stepped aside. I assumed that was him inviting me in so I walked past him, entering his office. He had bookcases behind his desk, filled with several thick books with fancy looking spines. My heart skipped a beat when I heard the door close behind me. John's footsteps echoed through the office as he made his way to his chair and sat down.

"Have you studied the book of Joseph?" He asked.

I could hear a smile in his voice, it was for his own amusement that they only handed me the stupid book of his brother to entertain myself with. I did flip through it since I had nothing else to do and I'd admit that there were parts that I agreed with, but now the drugs wore off I wasn't charmed by it. It could also be that I was mostly charmed by it all due to John and his smooth voice. I bit my lip, slowly approaching his desk and taking a seat in the chair before it.

"I flipped through it," I admitted to him.

His blue eyes glimmered, "That won't do, Gabriella. You really need to commit, embrace the words into your heart. Only then you'll see the importance of the project."

I leaned back in my chair, bouncing my leg as I scanned the office. I was restless and I knew it was because I hadn't touched the drugged water for three days straight. I missed the feeling of floating, feeling at peace in my mind. Holly was clear about the bliss though, it was dangerous shit and I should stay clear of it.

"When can we go back to the ranch?" I asked.

Mentioning the Seed ranch made all humor leave his eyes. He clenched his jaw, trying to control his anger which was now burning in his blue eyes.

"The resistance has been trying to overtake it. They haven't succeeded, but Jacob made it clear I should stay away from the ranch for a while. So we'll be staying in the bunker for a while."

"Do they believe I'm at the ranch?" I asked.

"It appears so, deputy Hudson has been seen amongst them and she made it clear she's taking you back. Their actions are always so predictable." The chuckle which followed was ominous, echoing through the small office, "It won't be long before their spirit is crushed again and they'll hide out in that seedy bar of theirs."

"But it might take a while before they give up," I concluded.

"A few days. So you might as well try and get comfortable." He laced his fingers together, resting his elbows on his desk as he viewed me with calm blue eyes. He found peace again, he didn't even need to pay a visit to his torture chamber to get rid of it, "Pray and read the book of Joseph in the meantime."

"I'm done with the book of Joseph." I told him firmly, "You pray and read it if you're so obsessed with it." He raised an eyebrow at me at hearing the anger in my voice, "If you want your ranch back you shouldn't be hiding in this bunker, you'd be doing the same thing as them. You need to take action."

"Careful, Gabriella. One might think you're an unbeliever."

"Do you want your home back or not?" I asked him, getting to my feet and slamming my hands on his desk which made him chuckle, "You have what they want. Me. So why not use me to get what you want?"

He rolled his chair back, settling back in it while he rested his elbows on the armrests of his chair. He tilted his head to the side, his eyes scanning my face, "You always show initiative when it matters." He grinned at me, "I'm all ears, so do share your plan and maybe we'll go back home much sooner than planned."

I sat back down, guilt washing over me as I realized what I just did because I was sick and tired of sitting in my cell with nothing better to do. I didn't deserve the kindness of people I hadn't even met yet. It was probably because deputy Hudson couldn't sleep at night knowing I let her run while John had me in his torture chamber. I'd feel the same way as her, all I needed to do was make clear to her and her friends that I was part of Eden's Gate by choice. Hopefully, she'd accept it.

"The way I see it we have two options. We either use me as bait to lure them to the ranch to capture them or we send out another video message where I make clear to them that I am part of Eden's Gate by choice."

"They wouldn't buy that even if it's the truth." John brushed the peaceful approach off without even considering it, "Their hatred for the project runs so deep they don't accept anything else as the truth." He grabbed his radio, "Jacob might be able to work with your first suggestion." He pressed a button on his radio and spoke to his brother about our plan.

I wished he chose the second option but he didn't think it had a chance of succeeding and maybe he was right. I wouldn't trust the video either since it was more or less what Eden's Gate did to send out bullshit messages to brainwash people. The resistance wouldn't bother with it. While John spoke to his brother I trailed my eyes over the paperwork he had been going through. I noticed the same mistake he made on a contract in his office at the ranch the other day. He signed his name John D and scratched the D and then continued with Seed. It was a mistake he made often so it was a habit of his which he couldn't shake off. The scratched out D looked angry, it was something which annoyed him and he expressed it. John must have noticed me being nosy because he covered up the contract, reached across the desk and placed his finger under my chin to lift it up. His eyes warned me.

"We'll see you soon, brother." He then put his radio away and got to his feet, he walked around his desk and grabbed my arm, forcing me to stand up, "You should head back to your room, Jacob is on his way to the bunker. We'll get you when it's time to proceed with your plan." He made it a point to emphasize that it was my plan, he probably enjoyed that I betrayed the people who were trying to help me.

I had no choice to leave, John guided me back to my cell which he referred to as my room. It wasn't though, there was no privacy and it was so small it only fits in a bed. I sat down on the bed and glared at John who tossed me my copy of the book of Joseph.

"Get back to your reading."

I wanted to throw the book at his head but I gripped the edge of my bed tightly to make myself stay put.

"Top of your class, completing the program without any effort." John summarized my list of achievements from the file he had on me, "Yet only today you've shown me that side of you. It's quite dark, isn't it?"

In my head, I was hitting him with the book of Joseph, helping him commit it to heart by forcing it down his throat. I shook my head, trying to get rid of the violence which boiled within me.

"You're so easy to see through, you know that?" He asked me, stepping closer and placing his hand on the back of my head, "When this is over I might take you to my personal confession room again. I feel like you have a few things to confess to me."

He then released me and walked out of the cell, leaving me to it. I stared down at the white covered book, brushing my fingers over the symbol of Eden's Gate. If only I didn't accept this case to get acknowledged for my job, my pride is what got me here. My greed is what made me betray good people. I shouldn't fight it, confession with John is what I deserved.

* * *

A chosen guided me to John's office, whenever Jacob was around I had no freedom at all. I really got on his bad side when he caught me stabbing John. The Baptist himself was over it, he didn't hold it against me yet his older brother wasn't so forgiven. He liked to remind me of his power, liked to show me what would happen if I made the wrong move. His intimidation tactics were working because every time he was around I felt anxious and felt the need to hide.

"Ah, there you are." John stood in front of his desk, his ankles crossed while he had his arms folded across his chest, "Take a seat." He nodded to the chair right in front of him.

I didn't have to scan the room to know Jacob was standing beside the door, his eyes piercing my back. Swallowing the nerves I sat down in the chair, keeping my gaze on John.

"You think you're capable of acting like bait in this scenario?" Jacob spoke quietly yet it didn't make him less intimidating, "I have my doubts."

I glanced over my shoulder, meeting his clear blue eyes, "I'd do it if it means I can get out of here." I tore my gaze away keeping the words of dying of boredom due to reading the book of Joseph all day long to myself.

John chuckled when I looked up to meet his gaze I could tell he knew what I was thinking. The man always knew how people would react and what they'd do. He was good at reading people which were a skill which helped him out in his career as a lawyer. It made him dangerous as a Herald.

"If we're going through with this I need your cooperation." Jacob moved to me and held up a pair of cuffs in front of me, "If you even think about crossing us I'll hunt you down and make you regret breaking our trust."

I looked at John who didn't speak up at all, he merely viewed the situation. When it came to his brothers John rarely spoke up to them. I noticed that he didn't feel uncomfortable around Jacob though. When he was around Joseph his personality changed entirely, he kept more to himself. Trailing my eyes to Jacob I held my hands up. The man didn't hesitate to cuff me and then grabbed my arm, pulling me up.

"We'll move to the ranch with John's convoy. My hunters will surround the ranch when the resistance makes their move they'll head in." Fear washed over me, the gleam in Jacob's eyes told me he felt me tense up, "We won't kill them, they'll get captured because that's what Joseph wants."

"All I have to do is look like a prisoner?" I asked.

"Make it believable." Jacob then released my arm and stepped back, nodding to the chosen who had guided me to John's office, "We're heading out, prepare yourself."

The chosen guided me out of the bunker, I heard footsteps behind me so I knew John and Jacob were right on our trail. It was intimidating to see John's convoy parked in front of the bunker. The heavily armed peggies all looked our way. Jacob stepped forward, his hands folded behind his back as he briefed John's men. He paced back and forth, glancing at each one of them as he gave orders.

"Your first priority will be John's safety." Jacob stated loud and clear, "If the mission fails you'll focus on getting John out of there and bring him back to the bunker."

It was clear he wanted his brother safe, nothing else mattered. I didn't matter. It was clear then and it made me anxious. I could die tonight and no one would care. I felt a hand on my shoulder, John's cologne wrapping around me as he leaned in close.

"We won't fail." He sounded confident about it, "Jacob is good at what he does."

I didn't doubt that, but the anxious feeling is something I couldn't shake off. John placed his hand on my lower back and moved me to the awaiting truck. He held the door open while I climbed inside, he climbed in after me and closed the door. I inhaled deeply when he held up a blindfold, it got him all excited to see me so helpless.

"Do you trust me?"

Oddly enough I did, I didn't fear John as much as I should.

"I do."

Chuckling he reached for me, putting the blindfold on, "We're taking a detour, Jacob wants to make sure the resistance gets word of the move."

"Then why am I already blindfolded?" I asked him, turning my head in the direction of his voice.

"Because it's fun." He leaned in, I could feel his lips at my ear which made me tremble, "Are you now wishing you could be back in your room getting familiar with the words of the father?"

Leaning in I could hear him inhale sharply, "I'll take being cuffed and blindfolded." I felt my nose brush against the side of his cheek so I was getting closer to his ear, "It's very exciting, isn't it?" I whispered.

I gasped when I felt John's hand on my lower back and pull me closer to him. My front was pressed against his side I then felt his lips brush against my jaw and slowly trail up. My head moved, there were chosen sitting in the driver's seat and the passenger seat, this was highly inappropriate. I knew I started it by teasing him but I didn't mean to take it this far.

"It's not so fun now, is it?" He whispered.

I felt his hand trail down to my side and brush against my thigh, "John." I whispered, hoping he got the warning and the chosen didn't catch what we were doing.

He chuckled, pulling away from me and letting me settle in my seat again. He was definitely having a lot more fun than me. Maybe it wasn't so bad reading that stupid book over and over again. A little less excitement would be good.

* * *

We took the long way over to the Seed ranch, the drive took a while and the peggies were restless over the radio. Anxious about the vans which had been spotted, the resistance was on the move. Jacob was in a chopper a little away from the convoy, he kept everyone calm by giving orders without sounding worried. They were weak and we were strong is what he repeated. I was restless much like the men who were armed to protect us.

"They're making their move." John told me, "Just like you predicted." The smile clear in his voice, "Now we just need them to close in on us so Jacob's hunters can move in to capture them."

The car slowed down which meant that we were probably at the ranch. A door opened and I felt someone tuck on my arm, the grip was so tight it hurt so I tried to pull back.

"Get out of the truck, marshal," John ordered.

He did it on purpose. I realized then that I needed to trust him, he was provoking me to get the reaction he needed out of me.

"No!" I kicked which made him laugh and grab the front of my shirt

"This is not the right time to play." He helped me out of the truck and grabbed my chin, "Don't worry, there will be plenty of time to play around in the confession room later."

Jacob's voice was heard over the radio, "They're making their move, get ready."

John grabbed my wrist and spun me around, pushing me up against the truck. It knocked the air out of me but as he stood closer I realized he was shielding me. Jacob would do anything in his power to keep his little brother safe so if that meant John was shielding me it also meant that I'd be safe. Knowing that and knowing how it felt to be touched by this man made my blood boil. I wasn't supposed to feel this way about this guy, wasn't lust a sin?

"Head to the ranch, slowly," Jacob ordered.

John trailed his hand up and gripped my arm, dragging me with him to the ranch. He took his sweet time but that was the plan. As we walked up the steps loud bangs were heard around us, the sounds of gunshots. Then yelling and people throwing orders back and forth. The resistance was here.

"She's with that son of a bitch!" I recognized that voice, it was the deputy.

"If it isn't deputy Hudson." John turned so I turned, his grip on my arm tightening, "Are you ready to come back and confess your sins?" He asked, "The marshal and I are getting to know each other quite well." He pulled me to him and ran his hand over my head, the grip on my arm so tight it made me whimper, "It's liberating to let go of your sins, isn't that right, marshal?"

"Let go of her, you sick fuck!" She ordered I heard the safety of a gun being pulled back which meant the deputy was probably threatening John now, "Move away from her, slowly." The deputy ordered.

John laughed, probably stalling time so Jacob and his hunters had time to move in and capture those who were surrounding the ranch.

"My, my, you haven't lost your fight yet. If only the marshal hadn't come between us we would have had more time together to make you believe in the project and see the truth in the words of the father."

"You need to accept that we'll never believe in anything that fucking psychopath says!"

John released me, "I'll take off her cuffs, then I'll move away."

"Don't you move!" Hudson warned him.

"Relax, deputy, I'll only make things easier for you." He moved behind me and released me from my cuffs, I then felt his fingers brush against my hair, he took my blindfold off and stepped back, "You're free, marshal." I could hear the amusement in his voice. He was enjoying this a little too much.

I moved slowly to Hudson standing at her side, "You okay, marshal?" She asked.

"Yeah, I'm good." I breathed.

Deputy Hudson was pointing a shotgun at John's head and she looked ready to pull the trigger. She was angry, a deep hatred for the man wanting her to get this over with. She had no idea what they'd do to her if she did pull that trigger. Jacob and Joseph would show her no mercy. She was better off captured than killing John Seed. Footsteps coming closer made her lower her guard.

"What's that?" She asked.

Jacob's hunters were in the house, closing in on us.

"Your people still not giving up?" Hudson spat at him, "Let's just get this over-"

I grabbed the gun strapped to her side and pointed it at her, it surprised her so much she lowered her guard and regarded me with disbelief. She screamed out in pain when an arrow pierced right through her thigh making her stumble forward. I kicked the shotgun towards John, keeping the gun pointed at her head.

"Are you fucking serious, marshal?!" Tears were streaming down her cheeks, "You're making a mistake. Everything they're telling you is a lie!" She breathed in deeply, "They're messing with your head. Did you have too much bliss to separate the truth from lies?!"

I did consume a bit too much bliss water, that wasn't a lie. But I didn't feel different.

"Hush now, deputy Hudson." John placed his hand on my shoulder, "You shouldn't have come back here. You see, Jacob is going to take you all in and then the father will decide if you need to walk the pilgrimage or if it's best to be handed over to Jacob." He lowered himself and grabbed her face in his hand, making her look him in the eyes, "To be blessed or culled, those are your options now."

Hudson shifted her teary gaze to me, "Marshal." She begged.

It made me lower my gun, my heart squeezing tightly with guilt. I didn't have time to respond, the hunters collected her and dragged her out of the house only her blood was left. I gasped when John wrapped his hand around the gun and took it from me.

"You've done good, Gabriella." His voice gentle, my heart skipping a beat when his lips pressed against my temple, "The father will be proud of you."

He let go of me and walked away, probably meeting up with his brother. I couldn't move though, my body was frozen as I stared at Hudson's blood on the floor. I couldn't help but think I made the wrong choice.


	8. Punishment

**Chapter eight – Punishment**

* * *

A few days later I found myself sitting in John's living room, waiting for him to finish his work so we could leave and head to Joseph's compound. His followers tried to clean the mess up, but at some spots blood was still visible, dried up blood which reminded me of the mistake I made. I betrayed good people, people who tried to help me. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I remembered Hudon's pleading. She didn't deserve whatever fate awaited her, none of them did. I jumped when I felt a firm grip on my shoulder.

"There is no need to cry for them, they chose that fate."

I pulled away from him, angrily brushing the tears away, "I don't know what being blessed means but I do know what it means to be culled. They don't deserve that fate."

John chuckled, rolling the sleeves from his light grey shirt up. He loved showing his ink, took pride in it. I had to admit that it fitted him well. Yet I had no time to admire his ink since he moved closer and sat on the armrest beside me.

"Faith creates mindless followers by giving them too much bliss. They might as well be dead so being part of Jacob's training program is a blessing if you ask me." He grabbed my chin and forced me to look him in the eyes, "At least you'll be allowed to stay a human being until the end."

I pushed his hand away from me, "What about you? The father decided you weren't good enough to convert these people?" I knew I pushed him too much when he got to his feet and grabbed the front of my shirt, pulling me to my feet.

"We wouldn't be in this mess if you left deputy Hudson alone, she would have confessed because I nearly broke her. I had to let her go because I had a nosy little girl on my hands who didn't know her place." He leaned in close, his lips nearly brushing against mine, "Do you know your place now, Gabriella?"

I kneeled him in the crotch which made him release me instantly and cup his private part, he didn't groan out in pain not even making a sound when he doubled over. This man was not human, there was something seriously wrong with him.

"Do you know your place, John?" I asked, stepping back when I noticed him standing up and pointing at me threateningly.

"You're going to regret that." He warned me, "Leave her." He spat when a peggie made her way over to probably restrain me, "When we get back from the sermon you and I will spend some time in the confession room." He promised me, "I think deputy Hudson undid some of our hard work. We just need to remind you of the love of your family." He breathed in deeply once more and plastered a charming smile on his face again, "Now, let's head to the compound." He stepped to me and grabbed tightly onto my arms, "It's in your best interest to show the father you're committed to Eden's Gate."

I nodded, knowing that he was probably right. Joseph at first glance looked like a peaceful man who only preached to his people. To others, his siblings were the demons, but I was slowly starting to believe that the father was truly evil. He made all the decisions, he made his siblings do the things that they did. He was truly to be feared. It was in my best interest to let him believe I was on board with this Eden Gate Project. I didn't want to end up being blessed or culled.

"Are we clear?" John demanded to know, his voice gentle and soft but the threatening undertone made me gulp.

I nodded, but that wasn't good enough for him.

"Are we clear, Gabriella?" He asked me again, his voice a lot firmer now.

"Yes, John. We're clear."

He then placed his hand on my back and guided me to his beloved pick-up truck. Black with the symbol of Eden's Gate painted on the hood. He opened the door to the passenger seat and let me climb in and once I was settled he closed the door and walked around the hood, getting behind the wheel. He looked excited to be driving again.

"It's been a while." He grinned.

I stared at his excited looking face, "You don't need the chosen to follow you around anymore?"

He met my gaze, "You made Holland Valley safe for me again, so thank you."

The mocking clear in his voice. He was sadistic in every possible way. Tears were threatening to fall again, I hated feeling like this. Pushing the sleeve of my white shirt up I brushed my fingers over the tattoo John gave me. Did I give Eden's Gate free reign?

"What are you going to do now?" I asked John, "You can move freely through Holland Valley now, right? So what's the plan, converting everyone who is left?"

"We do need people working the land to provide food for our family."

I trailed my eyes over his calm posture, he looked completely at ease around me. It was easy to believe he forgot about my little outburst in his living room but I doubted he'd let it go. He made me a promise after all.

"What about me?" I asked quietly.

I inhaled sharply when I felt his hand on my thigh, "What about you?" He asked.

He knew what I was asking, John, proved to be an intelligent man. He wanted me to say it out loud though, wanted to torture me with my embarrassment.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, "What is going to happen to me?" I asked quietly, "Are you sending me to the compound like Holly suggested?"

When I trailed my eyes over him I noticed how he clenched his jaw, I didn't understand why my question would upset him. It was a serious question and it was the first thing they've told me when I woke up after my angry carving on my chest.

"You're with me until the father says otherwise."

So I could be sent to the compound when Joseph decided I could no longer stay beside John. Things between John and I were straightforward, we knew what we could expect from the other. We both had our outburst from time to time, but the other one could deal with it. It was familiar and I didn't want to let go of that. I couldn't tell John that though so I remained silent.

* * *

Climbing out of the pick-up truck I waited for John to walk around the car, it reassured me when he placed his hand on my back and walked with me to the church. Jacob stood outside, watching those who entered the church with a cautious eye. When we reached him John stepped to his brother, holding onto his arms as they quietly talked. I stepped back giving them some privacy. I stood on the other side of the entrance, wrapping my arms around myself while I glanced down at my feet.

"Are you okay?"

I looked up hearing Jacob's quiet voice. It surprised me that John was no longer around, I looked around and felt my heart drop to my stomach when I spotted him talking to Holly. There was no denying what those two were to each other.

"You regret your decision?"

I looked at the soldier, "What?"

He followed my gaze, a soft chuckle leaving his lips, "They are the least of your concern, don't you agree?" He stepped in front of me, "But if it bothers you, you could always come with me to the mountains."

I looked him straight in the eyes which seemed to humor him, "I don't trust you." I told him firmly.

It was the first time I heard an actual laugh coming from Jacob Seed and though it was quite charming I still didn't trust it. There was just something about this man. Even if he liked me enough to keep me around he'd kill me without a second thought when he believed I was a threat to his family. He made it very clear multiple times.

"You trust Johnny?"

It sounded affectionate, a side of him which was very rare to see. I knew he'd do anything to keep John safe, I've seen it with my own eyes. But actually hearing affection in his voice that was something else. It made him almost seem human.

"Oddly enough I do." The way Jacob looked at me made me anxious, it was like he wanted to see through my soul, "John never lies to me, things are real between us."

Jacob placed his hand on my shoulder, firmly gripping it as he turned me to look at John and Holly, "If that's true why not try and ask John about that." He nodded toward them, "A test to see if it's all in your head or not." He gave my shoulder a firm squeeze and then pulled away, "The offer to join me up in the mountain still stands."

I watched as John walked toward me, looking from Jacob to me. His eyes were questioning me but I didn't give anything away. Jacob's words were echoing through my head. He was like the devil on your shoulder, whispering in your ear. Testing John to see if he actually told me the truth, no more lies and no more deceiving to build trust between us. I wanted to know if whatever he promised me was bullshit, just a way for him to placate me.

"Let's head inside, the sermon is about to begin." We walked in side by side and to my surprise, John sat beside me in the front pew.

It was always frightening to watch as Joseph stepped onto the stage and everyone in the church fell silent. Everyone was completely charmed by him or maybe completely brainwashed was more accurate. As he began to preach I did notice that I recognized some of the things he was saying. It was because John forced me to read the damn book. I think I heard someone cry, everyone, getting so emotional just hearing him speak about the injustice in the world. To me, it was nothing compared to listening to John speak but to each their own I suppose. I inhaled sharply when I felt John's hand on my thigh. There was no way he was bold enough to play around right in front of Joseph. There was just no way. I glanced aside, subtly trying to incinerate him with my glare. It made his lips curl up to a smirk. When he didn't retrieve his hand I leaned in close.

"You really want to do this, John?" I whispered.

It didn't make sense that he was being this bold right now. He respected Joseph, it was clear to me that he believed in everything his brother told him. I didn't understand what was happening but I didn't want Joseph to think I was leading his brother astray. I grabbed his hand and tried to push it off my thigh, at that moment he grabbed my hand and laced our fingers together. My cheeks heated up, my eyes trailing from Joseph to John. The father didn't notice anything yet but he'd very soon. The man wasn't oblivious.

"Let go," I whispered.

My breathing hitched in my throat when he leaned in too, "Why?" He whispered back.

With my free hand, I pushed against his shoulder and sat up straight, letting him hold my hand while I focused entirely on Joseph before us. His eyes were narrowed on me for a second before he continued looking around the church, making sure to give everyone his attention. We were his children and he was our father is how he ended his preaching. If I was blissed up I wouldn't find that creepy but I hadn't consumed the bliss water for a while now and his preaching did scare me a little. I squeezed John's hand seeking his comfort. It was confusing when he squeezed my hand back in reassurance, giving me the comfort I needed. It almost made me forget that now this was over he'd drag me to his torture room to punish me.

"John." Joseph stepped off the stage, not giving his followers the time to approach him today. John finally let go of my hand and stood up, letting Joseph pull him in for a hug. The father then pulled away and patted his brother lightly on the back before giving me his attention, "Gabriella."

I took Joseph's outstretched hands, his hands gently squeezing mine.

"Jacob told me about the ranch, I always knew you were going to make the right choice."

My heart skipped a beat, "That was the choice I had to make."

He smiled at me, I hated how gentle his smile was. It made it hard for me to distrust this man who was talking to me quietly, holding my hands lovingly and smiling at me so warmly. Everything about him was inviting which was how he probably entrapped you.

"That was the sacrifice you had to make for your family." He pulled me in, placing his hand on my head as he spoke quietly in my ear, "I know it causes you a lot of pain but the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh. Now you'll find peace." He pulled away from me and turned to look at his brother, "Continue your work, help them reach atonement." Joseph pressed his forehead gently against John's and then walked off.

He did not comment on my little moment with John nor did he ask of me to come to live at the compound. It meant that for now I was still allowed to stay beside the man who I wanted to slap for provoking me in the middle of Joseph's sermon. I didn't know what he was thinking but I'd find out. The one who needed to confess was the Baptist himself.

* * *

John led me to his private torture room at the ranch, he was going to keep his dark promise. Too bad for him I was riled up. When the metal door closed behind us I moved to his woodworking table, standing at the side as he cautiously approached the table and opened his toolbox. He was confused with me standing beside him like that. He grabbed his tattoo gun, assembling it with ease. While he worked on that I grabbed his screwdriver, the one he probably used to immobilize me. He stepped aside, his eyes narrowed on me while he watched me hold it threateningly at him.

He laughed, "Marshal!" He called, "Were you looking forward to playing with me?"

I stepped closer to him, "What the hell were you doing back at the church?" I demanded to know.

He didn't seem threatened by me as he made his way over to the awaiting chair and placed his tattoo gun on the side table. He was setting his equipment up, not even bothering to answer me. When he started to whistle I lost my patience and stepped to him with determined steps, kicking the rolling chair which he took a seat in.

"You don't think the father noticed what you were doing?" I asked him, not realizing the change in his mood when he stood up and faced me, "It was a miracle he didn't say anything."

John grabbed my wrist tightly, making me drop the screwdriver. He spun us around and pushed me in the awaiting chair, hovering over me while he grabbed both my hands and kept me immobile in the chair.

"They all noticed what was happening." He spoke quietly yet his blue eyes were ablaze, "Since the father didn't say anything Jacob will back off because it's clear Joseph wants you to be in my custody."

My body slacked as realization dawned on me, "You were jealous?" I asked.

I felt his body tense, he composed himself quickly though. His amused chuckle echoing through the torture room which sends shivers down my spine.

"You're mine to play with." He told me, "Besides, do you really want to be handed over to someone who messes with your head?" He tapped a finger against my temple, "He'll get inside your head and from that moment on you'll never be the same." His voice low and threatening, "With me, you only have to confess to free yourself. You want to give that up to become a mindless follower?" He asked me.

Jacob already got inside my head, he didn't even need to do much to achieve it. John had lowered his guard which gave me the opportunity to grab the front of his shirt. His key to the bunker dangled in front of his chest, my eyes fixed on the carved out word 'sloth' on his chest.

"What's the deal with Holly?"

His grip on me loosened, "What do you mean?"

I hated when he asked a question when he obviously knew what I meant.

"Answer the question," I demanded of him.

He glared at me, "Envy doesn't suit you." He said between clenched teeth.

I chuckled, "Hypocrite." I whispered loud enough for him to hear.

John pulled away from me, he looked beyond himself. He started pacing the room, walking back and forth while he took deep breaths. He was about to lose his shit but clearly, he didn't want that to happen. I sat up and slowly got to my feet, I didn't like seeing him like this. He was like a cougar ready to jump me and sink his teeth into my neck to go for the kill. My heart was racing as I eyed the door. I couldn't remember if it was locked or not. I entered the room before him and was focused on his toolbox rather than the man himself so I wasn't sure if I could make a break for it. He was occupied with controlling his anger so I decided to take the risk and slowly walk to the door. When I was about to reach it I gasped when I felt a hand on my shoulder and was twisted around and slammed into the door, hard. My breath was knocked out of me and when I finally opened my eyes I was looking into deep pools of blue. I instantly reached for his shirt, holding onto it with everything I had.

"John." I pleaded, hoping I could reach out to him.

He wrapped his hand around my neck tightly and when I thought he'd choke me to death he startled me by crashing his lips hard against mine. The kiss was harsh and stole away my breath. His hand around my neck didn't loosen which made me struggle in the punishing kiss. He pushed his tongue in my mouth, his other hand grabbing my thigh as he pushed his erection against my crotch. As he moved his hips my body reacted, I got wet between the thighs even though my mind screamed at me not to react to him at all. When my lungs wouldn't fill up with air anymore John finally loosened his grip on my neck. While I was catching my breath John's hands gripped my waist and lifted me up, without a second thought I wrapped my legs around his waist and held on for dear life. My eyes were trying to focus on John again when I felt his hands work on my pants. I didn't think he'd take it this far, I figured he just wanted to relieve some of his anger but when the cold air hit me between the legs and I was about to protest I heard the sound of his belt buckle getting undone echo through the room. This wasn't supposed to happen, it was wrong.

"J-John!" My pleading turned into a scream when he suddenly thrust into me.

He kept me pressed against the wall with one hand wrapped around my neck while the other tightly held onto my thigh. He thrusted into me hard, his eyes clouded with lust. It burned at first, making pleading mews leave my lips. Slowly I started to get used to his rough thrusts and pleasure started to build up in the pit of my stomach. His eyes were locked on mine, though lust was there, the anger simmering within him was also present. This wasn't to chase an orgasm, he was punishing me in another way and all I could do was hold on and let it happen.


	9. The Reward

**Chapter nine – The Reward**

* * *

Testing the water I pulled the soft white towel away from my naked body, trying to ignore the ache between my thighs. A bath would have been better to soothe the ache but I didn't have the luxury to take a bath. A quick shower just had to do. As I stepped under the showerhead I felt an ache worse than the throbbing between my legs. I brushed my fingers over my left side, feeling indents similar to the angry looking word across my chest. I panicked, I couldn't remember John grabbing his tattoo gun and carving another sin into my skin. I wanted to rush out and inspect whatever he carved into me, but I actually needed to clean up. I scrubbed away the dried up mess between my thighs, whimpering when I touched my sensitive skin. I then washed my hair, wanting to get rid of all evidence of doing the dirty with John Seed. Once I felt clean again I turned the shower off and stepped out and dried my body with my towel, being careful of the carving at my left side. I peeked into my bedroom making sure no one was around. When I was certain I was alone I stepped in front of the tall mirror near the small closet and inspected my body. There were bruises forming around my neck and hips. I inspected my side and brushed my fingers over the word which made me want to march up to John and smack him but I could no longer predict his actions. My body still needed to calm down after the rough fucking in his torture room.

 _Lust_

I wasn't going to pretend I didn't enjoy what transpired between us, I think I needed those orgasms to help me calm down. It felt good to focus on pleasure, shutting off my brain and just focusing on everything John was doing to my body but apparently I was so out of it that I didn't even notice it when he marked me again. I calmly got dressed, choosing a loose-fitting grey tee and dark blue jeans. I pulled on some socks and then left the room, pulling my wet hair up in a bun and heading straight for John's office, knowing the lawyer was at work. I didn't bother to knock and invited myself in, throwing the door closed behind me as I angrily stared at the man who was calmly reading through some papers.

"I don't have time to play with you right now, darling."

I stalked to his desk and slammed my hands down, "What the hell, John?"

He leaned back in his chair, his eyes scanning over my face, "Don't you think it's a little too late to protest, sweetheart?"

He was calling me by cute little pet names, his teasing changing completely because he had been inside of me. It was confusing but this was not the time to be lured in by his boyish charm. I had an angry tattoo at my side which I didn't deserve.

"Lust?" I questioned him, "Really? You're the one who started it." I pointed out, "So where is yours?" I asked him, folding my arms across my chest and glaring at him with everything I had.

"You want me to show you mine?" He asked amused, "Honey, you think you can keep your hands off me when I undress in front of you?"

"Stop it!" I blushed a deep red, feeling naked merely because he was calling me these cute pet names. It felt off and he knew how it affected me.

He rose to his feet and started to unbutton his vest, my eyes widening as he started to undress in front of me. He pointed out he didn't have time to play with me yet he forgot about his work merely to torture me. Sloth was definitely his sin. The sin was scratched out but that wasn't accurate at all.

"John!" I warned him.

He walked around his desk, tossing his vest on the empty chair while he started to unbutton his grey shirt. His eyes were gleaming playfully. The excited look in his eyes making him look like a little kid on Christmas.

"You sure love screaming my name, don't you, darling?"

I buried my face in my hands, shaking my head, "You're impossible."

When his shirt was unbuttoned he grabbed my wrists and pulled my hands away from my face. He placed them on his firm chest, letting me feel the heated skin I couldn't explore last night. He trailed my right hand over his chest and down his stomach and then stopped my hand on the word carved into his skin right above the waistband of his dark jeans. The exact same place Joseph had this word carved into his skin.

"It's right there, I have the courage to own up to my sins. What about you, baby girl?"

My shoulders slumped, shaking my head repeatedly at his sudden change of tactic to torture me.

"Why?" I whined, wanting him to stop already.

He pulled me in, his arms wrapping around me while his lips brushed against my ear. It reminded me of the feel of his beard scratching against my skin while he fucked me into the door of his torture room. My body was shuddering and he felt it. It made him tighten his grip on me.

"Because it turns you weak, meek as a lamb." He whispered, "How effective this is." He chuckled and then released me, "Now be a good girl and let me get back to work. If you behave I'll reward you."

I glared at him, "I don't want it!" I spat at him and then left his office, making sure to slam the door shut behind me.

It was a lie, I anticipated his touch. Fucking lust and fucking John Seed. I wanted to crawl into bed and hide away but my stomach growled reminding me I hadn't eaten much yesterday and due to the exercise I had been through I needed to eat now. I went to the kitchen, trying to ignore the peggies who were patrolling. I prepared myself a cup of tea and some toast. It wasn't a filling breakfast but it was food. It also calmed me down enough to stop slamming doors shut to appease the anger within me.

* * *

I was lying in bed, flipping through a book which I had taken from one of the bookcases in John's living room. It was a philosophy book about the ignorance of mankind. It was intriguing but also boring at the same time. It was either this or the book of Joseph so I'd happily contemplate about life than to read another word of religious rambling of Joseph Seed. The parts about his family were interesting but I didn't want to read them. It felt private, it didn't feel right to read something so personal about people I didn't even know.

"So you've actually been a good girl."

I looked up from my book, noticing John leaning against the doorpost, "You finished your work?"

His lips curled up to a smirk, "Yes, you want your reward now?"

I sat up, dropping the heavy book beside me, "No!"

He stepped closer to me, the knowing look in his eyes making me scoot back a little. I hated how it always felt like John could see right through you whenever he looked you in the eyes.

"Then why are you blushing right now?" He asked me quietly, I held my breath when he placed his hand on my leg and slowly trailed it up, letting it rest on my thigh, "I have to leave in a bit, there will be a cleansing tonight."

That caught my attention. I sat up on my knees before him, noticing the gleam in his eyes. I didn't bother to tease him because I was actually curious about the cleansing. I read about it in the book of Joseph but didn't quite understand it. I hadn't been through it though it was supposed to be one of the first steps of atoning.

"Why haven't I been cleansed?" I asked, placing my hand on his stomach which made him inhale sharply, "Isn't that like the first or second step of atoning for your sins?"

He brushed his fingers through my hair, the gesture was so gentle it made me press my thighs together to force my body not to react to this man's touches.

"You were a special case." A soft chuckle left his lips which made me lean more into his touch, "Do you feel the need to be cleansed?" He laced his fingers into my hair and tightly held on, tilting my head back, "Is it because we fucked like animals last night?"

I pressed both my hands against his firm abdomen and pushed, creating some distance between us.

"It would take a while to scrub your soul, darling. Despite the father accepting you as part of the family, the truth is you're not a believer. You're pretending. We'd be in that lake the whole night and I'm not looking forward to that."

"If you know that why won't you tell Joseph the truth?" I asked curiously.

His fingers brushed over my cheek, my body shuddered. I hated how responsive I was to him, just doing the dirty once with him just made me so attuned to him. It was messed up. I closed my eyes when I felt his thumb brush over my lower lip.

"You might not trust in Eden's Gate but you trust in me, don't you?"

I opened my eyes staring into those deep blue eyes of his. Usually, I couldn't see through him because this man was skilled in hiding his emotions aside from his usual loss of control. I grabbed onto his wrist and tightly held on, my heart racing when I noticed his eyes were warmer than usual. He placed his other hand on the bed, slowly leaning in and brushing his lips against mine. I instantly wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back. He pushed me into the mattress and hovered over me, his kisses becoming more intense. I let my hands wander over his vest and slowly lowered them to his belt. The throbbing between my thighs was still there, reminding me of what we had done last night. I couldn't stop now that we started this though, my hands moved on their own accord. I undid his belt and unbuttoned his pants, reaching for the zipper to trail it down. I gasped when John suddenly pulled away from me. He straddled me on the bed and reached for the hem of my tee, pulling it over my head. He then moved to my socks and pants, getting rid of them so fast I hardly processed what was happening to me. When I was completely naked underneath him John grabbed my hand and pushed it inside his boxers, letting me feel his hardness. I gripped him tightly in my hand, tilting my head back when he pressed his lips against my neck and bit and kissed my sensitive skin. Sounds of pleasure came from him which made me wet between the thighs. Feeling his clothes rub against my naked skin made me lose my mind. He was still wearing all his clothes while I laid beneath him completely naked. I was sure he did this for a reason, either to make me feel helpless or show me that I trusted him completely.

"I'll cleanse you, Gabriella. It's fine if you put your trust in me, I'll guide you to the gates of Eden."

He brushed his lips against mine, pulling my hand away from his erection. He pulled his erection out of his boxers and brushed it against my slickened entrance. He teased me a little and then pushed in without warning. I tightened around him, wrapping my arms around his neck to hold on.

"John!"

He leaned up on his palms, looking down at me. He looked so smug on top of me, his hips moving slowly. It annoyed me how smug he looked right now. I reached for his shades and pulled it away from his slicked back hair, tossing them aside. It wasn't much but the little gesture made him thrust into me a little harder.

"Oh, God." I moaned, arching my back as a wave of pleasure hit me hard.

He chuckled, "You shouldn't bring him into this, we're committing a sin after all."

I brushed my fingers through his beard which was well kept compared to his brothers. I slowly reached his mouth and covered it with my hand.

"You get off on hearing yourself talk, don't you?" I asked teasingly, "You don't even need me right now."

I squealed when he suddenly grabbed my hips and turned me on my stomach. My hands clawed at the bed sheets as I tried to hold myself up with my remaining strength. He wrapped his hands around my waist and tightly held on while he slammed into me. He didn't hold back, it was rough and sometimes painful since I was still raw from last night. I still enjoyed it though. I was definitely committing a sin with this man.

* * *

John's hands wrapped around my shoulders as he slowly lowered me into the water, "It's okay." He assured me, You'll feel better once I pull you out of the water." I wrapped my hands around his wrists, holding on as my vision got blurred.

The water was cold, I could barely see John who held me down. I saw the barrels of bliss by the lake so I knew this cleansing wasn't just about being reborn, bliss made people more susceptible. Surely after almost drowning in bliss laced water people were charmed by Joseph's preaching. It was what happened to me when I consumed the bliss water and then listened to John reading from that book. He sounded like an angel to me then. When my lungs didn't fill up with air I needed I tightened my hold on John's wrists. I could feel my consciousness slipping away when he pulled me to my feet, coughing and trying to catch my breath I felt cold and alone when John didn't hold me. He stretched his hand out and took the book of Joseph from one of his followers. Opening the book he started to preach, I then realized others were being led into the water.

He reached out to me, placing his thumb against my forehead, "It's done." He whispered.

I stepped to him, not caring we were surrounded by people who respected the man, John the Baptist. My right hand tightened into the front of his shirt and I slowly leaned in, longing for his warmth to wrap around me. John continued his preaching, not even bothered by my presence. I wanted to snuggle into him when I heard a clear voice call out to me. I froze up and I felt John tense up hearing that voice as well.

"Gabriella, my child, come to me."

I held on tighter, fear washing over me.

"Go," John whispered.

Letting go of him I slowly turned to look at Joseph who stood by a truck. Swallowing away the nerves I slowly made my way out of the water and approached Joseph Seed. The grey shirt I was wearing belonged to John, he said I wanted to be comfortable while being cleansed so I wore his shirt over a pair of dark jeans. The shirt was too big on me, completely soaked and feeling heavy on my body. It was dragged down and when I reached Joseph I felt his eyes linger around my neck. Not only did John wrap his hand around my neck a bit too tightly, he also left scratches due to his beard. Then a little earlier he kept biting and kissing my sensitive skin so it wasn't looking pretty. Thankfully Joseph Seed wouldn't be able to tell what actually happened by looking at my bruised skin. The father looked up, meeting my gaze. His eyes behind his glasses looked warm and inviting. He reached for me, placing his hand on my head.

"You asked John to cleanse you?"

"It felt right to me." I quietly told the father.

He subtly smiled, "You care for John, don't you?"

I tensed up and the father could tell. He reassuringly placed his hand on my shoulder and gave it a tight squeeze.

"There is no need for you to be so cautious around me, my child."

I lowered my gaze, feeling embarrassed to be discussing this with the father who happened to be John's insane older brother.

"I don't know how I feel about John but I trust him," I admitted quietly.

Joseph pulled away from me and when I looked up I noticed how he became more serious. It felt intimidating to look him in the eyes, he didn't look like the father to me right now and more like a concerned older brother. It was worse.

"Giving into your desires won't help with the guilt you are feeling and it won't do John any good to feed the sins which he always struggles with. By now you must know you're not the first one he broke the rules with and you won't be the last."

I knew Holly was the woman he saw and maybe is still seeing, but it hurt hearing Joseph calling me a toy for John to use because lust was a sin he could not leave in the past. Tears stung my eyes but I refused to cry in front of this man.

"Jacob asked me to send you to the mountains."

I grabbed his arms, ignoring the concerned looks the peggies around us gave us, "Please, don't." I begged, "I won't do it anymore." I promised him.

Joseph gently pulled away from me and grabbed my hands in his, "If you were the one who would teach John how to love and be loved I wouldn't have a problem with it. But I know you two are using each other." He squeezed my hands gently, "So tomorrow morning Jacob will come for you and you'll leave with him quietly."

I shook my head, feeling the tears stream down my face. Things with John were confusing but fun. I could even call it happiness whilst living in chaos. The darkness hidden in Jacob's eyes made me anxious. John kept telling me that it was better to be in Jacob's care due to you remaining somewhat human but right now it felt better to just run along with Faith and drown in a river of pure bliss.

"Don't make me leave John," I whispered.

He let go of me, "It's for your own sake, my child." Footsteps came closer to us and when John stood beside me Joseph smiled at his little brother, pulling him in for a hug, "You're doing well, John. I'm proud of you."

I felt John's eyes on me but I couldn't look at him, I knew I'd lose it if I looked into those deep blue eyes of his.

"What's going on?" John asked when Joseph pulled away, his hand settling on my lower back which Joseph also seemed to notice, "Are you alright? Did I hurt you?"

"I'm fine." My voice broke and it worried John more.

"She just got a little emotional when I told her that her time with you is coming to an end." Joseph grabbed onto John's shoulders, making the Baptist pull away from me because he had no choice but to focus on his brother, "You've done well with her and I know you'll continue to do great work here."

John's eyes flickered to mine and when we locked eyes I noticed the fear which flashed through his expressive blue eyes.

"What does that mean, brother?"

"Tomorrow Jacob will come for her."

When I glanced down I noticed John's hand reaching for mine but Joseph was quick to pull his brother close to him, causing our hands to brush against each other. The man whispered something in John's ear which made John look like a little child who got reprimanded by their parents. I knew then that John wouldn't fight for me. I'd leave with Jacob tomorrow morning and he'd watch us go. I wrapped my arms around myself, my lungs not filling up with air though I wasn't being drowned in the lake anymore. Was it a panic attack? When my vision got blurry I heard voices call for me in the distance but I couldn't respond. It felt like I was falling but the pain never came. Giving into the darkness and letting go of all my concerns felt like a great way to escape reality so I drifted away.


	10. The Mountains

**Chapter ten – The Mountains**

* * *

John warned me that Jacob was an early riser, the Baptist was convinced his brother would arrive at the ranch at the crack of dawn. I asked John if it was a long trip and he simply nodded. I didn't want to know at what time the older brother would hop in his truck to come and get me. I was awake at five, taking a shower and getting dressed in clean clothes because I doubted Jacob would provide me with this kind of luxury. John sat on my bed, he helped me pack a small bag with clean clothes. We didn't speak much after my cleansing, the both of us were still trying to figure out what happened. Joseph clearly knew about us sleeping together, he took one glance at me and he knew. It was scary how observant the man was. John's obedience, his fear stopped him from sharing his opinion. I begged and John just stood there, keeping quiet. Then I lost consciousness, John stayed beside me until I woke up and let me know there was nothing he could do. It was the will of the father so we needed to obey. The will of the father, it felt like an excuse to me for Joseph to do whatever he wanted. Life in Eden's Gate wasn't all that cracked up to be but not obeying them most definitely resulted in death. So you obeyed.

John knocked on the door, "You've been in there a long time, are you okay?"

He sounded anxious, maybe he thought I fainted again. So I quickly responded.

"I'll be out in a second."

Finishing my fishtail side braid which I kept messy I walked out of the bathroom, meeting John's curious gaze. His hands grabbed my wrists, his eyes trailing over my arms. I wondered if he thought I'd hurt myself to get out of this. By now he should know I didn't want to die so I would do whatever they told me. His eyes lingered on the tattoo he gave me to remind me of the project. I didn't see the excitement in his blue eyes now. He tightened his grip on my wrists.

"Listen, don't talk back to Jacob the way you do to me. Don't give your opinion even though you want to. Just try to remain silent as much as possible." I had to press my lips together so I wouldn't laugh because those things sounded ridiculous to me, but I knew John was only trying to help me, "Jacob uses conditioning to build an army. If you prove to be useful to him you'll survive." His grip on me got so tight it hurt, my whimpering wasn't getting through him though, "You're a marshal, Gabriella. Take pride in your job and show him you were one of the few finishing the program with ease."

"Pride is a sin, John," I whispered, trying to lighten the mood between us.

It didn't make him laugh, "This." He gestured between us, finally letting go of me, "Will get you hurt. Don't do it when you're with him."

Joseph asked me if I cared for John and the answer was yes. He didn't ask John if his little brother cared for me. The answer would be, yes. Smiling I wrapped my arms around John, ignoring the way he tensed up by the sudden display of affection.

"Would you try and convince Joseph to let me come back to the ranch?" I asked quietly.

He slowly placed his hand on the back of my head, keeping me close to him, "While you're with Jacob I'll bring up the subject. You need to give me some time.""I'll wait." I whispered.

John pulled me away from him, his eyes scanning my face. I inhaled deeply when he leaned in, kissing me. I kissed him back, wanting to savor the feeling of his gentle touch. Slowly I wrapped my arms around his neck and stood on my toes, deepening the kiss. He made a noise of pleasure, his hands gripping my waist. I stepped forward, guiding John to the bed. When we reached it his legs hit the bed and he fell over. I grabbed the bag and tossed it on the floor, crawling on top of the surprised looking Seed and cupped his face while I slowly leaned in to kiss him again. John moved his head to the side, my kiss landing on his cheek.

"Jacob will be here any minute." He reminded me, his voice barely above a whisper because he sounded out of breath.

I pressed my lips against his neck, my fingers working on the buttons of his blue shirt, "John, please." I whispered, my fingers trailing over the exposed skin, "We can be quick about it."

He was hesitant, I could feel it in the way he responded to me. I could push him over though, it wasn't that hard since like me John also dealt with lust. He didn't move, he kept laying on his bed, letting me undress him. I made quick work of it. Undressing him first and then slowly getting rid of my clothes. I straddled him, his hands gently trailing up and down my thighs as he watched me.

"You need to speed things up." John warned me, "You don't want to be caught with your pants down by Jacob, do you?"

I slowly pushed him inside of me, moaning at the feeling of being stretched by him. Opening my eyes I met his amused blue eyes.

"Well, do you?" He asked me.

Pressing my hands against his firm chest I started moving, picking up the pace so I could finish before Jacob would arrive at the ranch. John kept his hands on my thighs, letting me decide the pace. He was vocal, letting me know how much enjoyed it. When I tightened around him, a groan left his lips which sounded like music to my ears, setting off my orgasm. My nails raked down his chest while immense pleasure raged through my heated body. John then grabbed me by the waist, pulled me off him and pushed me down on the mattress. He hovered over me, staring into my eyes as he pushed back inside of me. I was so sensitive he made me have another orgasm. He chuckled, but I had no strength in me to smack that smug look off his face.

"You're enjoying yourself quite a bit, hm?"

I wrapped my arms around his neck and wrapped my legs around his waist, holding on for dear life. Things between us were intimate. We stared into each other's eyes as John moved his hips slowly. I was so wet he could move inside of me at whatever pace he wanted. He tortured us both by setting such a slow pace. Whatever happened to rushing things because his brother was on his way? I would have taunted him if I wasn't a hot mess right now. Words just wouldn't form, all I could do was feel.

"Oh, John!" I moaned, losing it when he pushed deep inside of me.

He cupped my face, "You like that?" He asked as he rolled his hips.

"Yes!"

He leaned in and kissed me, "You'll come once more for me, darling?"

I shook my head, "I can't."

"Yes, you can." He whispered in my ear.

I wanted to laugh but I couldn't because John picked up the pace, his movement rough and fast. His breathing changed, when I met his gaze again I could tell his eyes were clouded. He was close. He moved his hand between my legs and rubbed my sensitive bud, pressing our lips together he muffled my screams. When I had my third orgasm I tightened around him which set him off and made him grip my hips tightly while he came inside of me. He pulled out of me and rolled next to me, both of us trying to catch our breath.

I glanced at John whose eyes were closed, grabbing his hand in mine snapped his eyes open to stare at me in confusion, "You better keep your promise." I warned him.

His lips twitched, "You're going to miss me?" He was only teasing me but I'd miss him.

I leaned my head against his shoulder, "I'll miss you and this ranch."

He wrapped his arm around my waist and pressed his lips against my hair, "I'm a man of my word."

I think we both drifted away, tired of our little session. I jumped awake when John shook me, my eyes focusing on his face to see a panicked look in his blue eyes.

"Go get cleaned up, Jacob is here."

I sat up, my body covered with the silk sheets of the bed I wouldn't be using anymore. John probably did that when he got dressed in a rush. I held the sheets tightly to my body and tried to wake up so I could start moving. Thankfully my bag was packed and all I had to do was quickly hop in the shower to wash away the evidence of John and I doing the dirty. Also, it sounded disgusting to me to sit beside Jacob for a very long ride to the mountains while being sticky and God knows what else.

"Come on, Gabriella." Though he sounded impatient, he brushed his hand over my hair and then walked to the door, "We'll be downstairs waiting for you."

When he closed the door behind him I started moving, hopping in the shower to get cleaned up. I didn't have time to wash my hair so I only fixed the braid. Throwing my clothes back on I grabbed my bag and met up with the Seed brothers in the living room. Jacob had his back toward me as he quietly spoke to his brother about upcoming Sunday. Joseph always requested their presence and they tried to make it. John noticed me the minute I set foot in the living room, his blue eyes trailing to me. Jacob must have realized his brother got distracted and turned around to face me.

"Took you long enough, marshal."

The way his eyes took me in from head to toe made me anxious. I shifted uncomfortably on my feet, trying to ignore the little smirk which played on his lips. There was no way he didn't know what transpired between John and me. You just had to glance at John and then at me to verify it.

"I'm sorry." I apologized quietly, staring at my feet.

"Jacob," John warned, thankfully letting his brother know to keep quiet about the obvious.

Jacob ignored his little brother, "You had your fun, now let's head to the car."

My cheeks heated, my eyes flickering to John who looked awkward as well. I stepped forward, remembering John told me to do whatever he says. I didn't want Jacob to think I was disposable. The elder Seed brother looked pleased I moved without needing to be told twice. I headed to the front door, I didn't have to say goodbye to John since we more or less did that in bed. When I opened the door I glanced over my shoulder to see the brothers sharing a hug. Jacob placed his hands on John's shoulders and whispered something in his brother's ears. John looked amused, shaking his head at his brother. Jacob chuckled quietly and then pulled away, his eyes flickering to me.

"Let's move to the truck, marshal."

Doing as told I walked out of the ranch and moved to his red colored truck. It was flashy and though I figured it was something John would drive Jacob proved me wrong. The younger Seed brother drove a black pick-up truck. I knew he also loved flying his plane but I hadn't been beside him long enough to know what it looked like. There was also the little promise of John flying us through Holland Valley with his beloved plane. I wondered if it would ever happen. I hopped into the truck and placed my bag near my feet, putting on my seatbelt and quietly waiting for Jacob to get behind the wheel. Once he did he started the car, soft music playing in the background as he drove away from the ranch. I glanced over my shoulder to the ranch, hoping John would keep his promise and try and convince the father to let me stay beside him again.

"The fact that you two don't hide that you're fucking is why Joseph agreed to let me take you away from John."

I did not want to have this conversation with Jacob, but we were having it because he wouldn't let it go.

"We tried to hide it."

Jacob changed the station, the little grumble that came from him made me think he didn't prefer the Eden's Gate station. I noticed that John loved it. They were so different, these two. But I knew Jacob cared a lot for his younger brother. Always keeping his eye on him, always making sure John was safe. Being nosy and reading about their private parts of their lives in the book of Joseph sounded very intriguing right about now.

"What a good job you did." He muttered sarcastically.

I glanced at him, trying not to stare at his wounds too much. I tore my gaze away from him and stared out of the window instead. It was early morning, the sun rising while there were already people working on the farmlands we passed.

"What are you going to do with me?" I asked.

"Joseph made it clear he wants you unharmed." He informed me.

"You made it clear you don't like me," I muttered.

"I don't like you being a threat to my brothers." He glanced at me, "But since you're fucking John things are different, are they not?"

I avoided looking back at him, making sure to keep focused on the lands we passed, "I'd never do anything to make John lose his trust in me. He's the only person I have in this damn county."

Jacob chuckled, "True. You've lost everyone's trust when you stabbed them in their back."

So there were still people in the resistance who weren't caught by Jacob and John that night. That was a relief. It surprised me when I heard Jacob humming along with a song playing on the radio station. I recognized it, I heard it before when I sat on John's pick-up truck. It seemed to brighten his mood a little. It made me relax, leaning back in my seat and quietly humming along as well. I didn't even notice I was doing it. A peaceful moment settled between us and the ride to the mountains proved to be not so bad after all.

* * *

I didn't think I'd be staying at a veteran center from now on, we passed so many cute little cabins when we headed to Jacob's base. Then again the cabins did look very small so we'd be in each other's space all the time which didn't sound that appealing to me. The veteran center was spacious, we could avoid each other if we wanted to. Joseph warned Jacob about me so, for now, I didn't have to be scared of ending up being sacrificed or whatever Jacob kept promoting. The tapes were on repeat but I couldn't focus on his preaching because the man himself led me through the center to the room I'd be staying in. My heart jumped when deputy Pratt met up with us.

"Peaches." The deputy stepped forward, Jacob took my bag from me and handed it to deputy Pratt who looked like a shell of his former self. It made me swallow painfully seeing him so jumpy, "You get her what she needs."

The deputy opened the door to the room I was going to stay in. I didn't step inside which made the elder Seed fold his arms across his chest and stare me down, "What?" He demanded to know.

I got into his space which made him raise an eyebrow at him, "So you take me away from Holland Valley but have no clue what to do with me?"

The way his eyes darkened made me step back, this is what John told me not to do. I was such an idiot. I might not like marking people and torture them in isolated rooms but I sure as hell did have outbursts like the man I was attracted to. I needed to control it, unlike John Seed, I wouldn't be able to get away with it.

"What was that?" Jacob asked.

"Nothing," I muttered, looking away from him.

He didn't let it slide though. He dropped his arms to the side and stepped to me, grabbing my collar and forcing me to look him in the eyes, "I was wondering when you'd show me this side of yours." He released my collar and tapped two of his fingers against my temple, "I wanted you here because I wanted to explore that side of yours. Joseph has other plans though." He stepped back and gestured to the room, "So until I find something for you to do you're going to stay in there, quietly."

I sighed, "Great." I whispered.

"Peaches, she causes trouble you let my hunters know." He turned his back to me, already on the move, "One arrow should do the trick." He called and was out of sight then.

I turned to look at the deputy, "You okay?" I asked.

He stepped into the room, it was small and only held a bed and bedside table in it. He placed my bag on the bed, his eyes scanning my face.

"I know what you did." He spoke quietly.

"I'm sorry." I was sorry for what I did, but I couldn't turn back time, "I didn't want them to get hurt."

"You do what you have to do to survive."

The change in tone worried me. Something dark, something sinister flashed through his eyes and I didn't like it.

"Well, that's true, but they didn't deserve that."

"They were weak." The deputy muttered, "Some of them are going through Jacob's trials others were send to Faith's bunker."

"Are they alive?" I asked, hope spreading through me.

"For now." He then walked to the door, "Don't wander around. Jacob wants you to stay in your room. If you need anything let me know."

"How do I do that?" I asked, "If I can't leave this room it'd be hard to let people know I need something. Like a shower and food, you know."

He nodded, "I'll ask Jacob if we can give you a radio."

He left the room, leaving me in the small room which felt quite similar to my cell in John's bunker. I'd stay put though, I watched as deputy Hudson got shot with an arrow, I didn't want to go through that as well. I doubted Jacob's threat was empty, he wasn't allowed to hurt me but I was sure Joseph would allow an arrow to the thigh if it meant I was kept obedient. I sat on my bed and went through my clothes in the small bag, having nothing better to do. Jacob would find something for me to do, at least I hoped he wouldn't forget I was at his base. I didn't want to lose my mind to boredom.


	11. The Change

**Chapter eleven – The Change**

* * *

It had been a week since Jacob took me to Whitetail Mountains. A week of losing my mind in this confined space with nothing to do and no one to talk to. It was worse than my cell in John's bunker. At least the people working for John somewhat had a sense of humor. The chosen and hunters who were around at the veteran center were dead serious and sometimes a little scary. I hated it here. Deputy Pratt wasn't better company either. He was always around Jacob, doing the man's bidding without complaint. Sometimes it even looked like Pratt enjoyed taking care of Jacob Seed. It was terrifying to see what Jacob could do to a person without actually using the bliss the same way Faith used it. It gave me comfort knowing Joseph warned Jacob not to do it with me. It pissed the elder Seed off though. The only reason he brought me here, to begin with, was so he could mess around with my head. It startled me when sudden static reached my ear and then Jacob's calm voice echoed through the room.

"You good with a sniper rifle?" He asked.

"No, I'm not."

It took him a while to talk to her again like he was mulling over her words.

"Whatever, you're still coming with me."

I was eager to leave my room for more than just taking a shower and brushing my teeth. I didn't even mind Jacob being my company. We managed to survive a car trip together to the mountains, surely we would survive the plans he made which a sniper rifle was needed.

"Marshal."

I looked at the door, Pratt standing in the doorway looking his jumpy usual self.

"Deputy." I greeted back, "Where am I going?" I asked him quietly.

"He wants to go hunting and he is taking you with him."

"H-Hunting?"

"Yes, so you should grab a jacket and follow me."

Doing as told by the broken deputy I followed him to a large office. Jacob was standing by a large table, papers and maps scattered across it. He looked up, his eyes taking me in. His face gave nothing away but the disapproval radiating from him was suffocating enough. The deputy stood by the door, his eyes trailed down to the floor while he quietly stood there.

"How come you can't handle a rifle?" Jacob demanded to know.

I looked at him as if he lost his damn mind, I was a marshal, not a soldier. I was okay with my firearm but it wasn't an appropriate gun to take out hunting. Jacob folded his arms across his chest, his feet slightly apart while his stance was full of dominance. This man always made me nervous.

"I didn't need to handle a rifle on the job."

He rolled his eyes at me, "You will learn." He brushed me off and turned his back to me. I noticed the hunting knife he shoved into its holster and then grabbed a duffel bag, throwing it Pratt's way who caught it easily as if it was a daily occurrence.

I repeated John's words over and over again in my head. I had to go with the flow, keep quiet as possible and not challenge this man. If I followed the rules I'd survive and maybe even have the privilege of moving back to the ranch.

"Keep up," Jacob ordered in that low smooth tone of his.

If he wasn't so damn scary I'd call him attractive, especially when he talked, but this wasn't a perfect world. Jacob Seed was scary as fuck and from what I heard he was also quite sinister. I wondered if they thought John was more wicked than Jacob. I couldn't give my opinion on the subject since John was kind of nice to me due to us sleeping together. I was too lost in my damn thoughts to notice that both Pratt and Seed were not around anymore. I lost them! Panicking I quickly jogged in the direction I thought they headed in ended up in the courtyard instead. I covered my mouth, feeling my breakfast coming back up when I noticed the cages filled with people living in their own filth. It was disgusting. I think I actually gagged.

"I told you to keep up."

Jacob's voice which ringed behind me made me jump.

"W-What is this?" I quietly asked.

"What does it look like?" Jacob asked, "Figure it out yourself, marshal." He then gestured behind him, "Stop stalling. I need to show you how to use a rifle before we can start."

I stepped closer to him, "Jacob-"

He narrowed his eyes at me, "I get that your whatever-" He gestured to me, "Works on John but don't try that shit with me. My brothers want me to keep you motivated so you don't end up losing your mind." The smirk that followed didn't sit well with me, "I'm convinced I can put you back together when you do lose it."

He was worse than John, without a doubt.

"I'm sorry." I muttered, "I got distracted. It won't happen again."

"See that it don't, surely you know how dangerous it can be when you don't handle a gun with care." He then was on the move again and I followed after him quickly, leaving barely any space between us because I had a feeling that if I pissed him off I'd end up in one of those cages.

We reached his red truck, it shining brightly in the lighting. It still struck me as odd that Jacob preferred such a flashy car. It didn't fit his character I felt like but apparently, I was wrong. He got behind the wheel and I quickly got in. Pratt dumped the duffel bag in the truck and stepped back, watching us settle in.

"Go back to your duties, peaches," Jacob ordered.

Pratt wasn't going to join us, it was going to be me and Jacob out in the wilderness together. If he wanted to kill me and bury the evidence he'd get the chance. I bit my lip, clenching my fists on my lap as I tried to hide my fear. Jacob smelled the fear of me I assumed as he commented on it.

"Would you relax, marshal?" He asked, "I'm not gonna kill ya."

"It's not reassuring at all after the promises you made," I muttered, glancing out the window.

I felt his eyes on me but I refused to look into those blue eyes of his, "John told you to behave, did he not?"

My heart skipped a beat and not for the right reasons either, my hands felt clammy because of how nervous this man made me feel.

"He might have," I whispered.

Jacob chuckled, he reached for the radio and started to fiddle with it. He pulled away when he settled for a station, a familiar song playing in the background. It was the same song he hummed along with when he took me to the mountains. I could only assume this was his favorite song. I didn't comment on it, I just listened to him humming along with the song, leaning my forehead against the window. I hated to admit it but his gentle humming actually calmed me down. It made him almost appear like a caring human.

* * *

Jacob showed me how to assemble my rifle, I tried to pay close attention. He made it seem effortless, explaining things calmly in that smooth, quiet tone of his. Then he grabbed his own rifle which was a vibrant red color. That was definitely not a surprise anymore. We laid on our bellies beside each other and Jacob made it perfectly clear that I needed to remain silent and patient. When a whitetail would hop around I needed to take the shot. A headshot preferably to kill it in one go. I could do this, I think. The waiting game was boring, I couldn't stay completely still like my hunting partner. At times I dared to believe Jacob wasn't even breathing. He was so focused, watching him was far more interesting than watching for whitetails showing up.

"Focus, marshal," Jacob whispered, the firm order making me observe the area again.

My eyes widened when I saw rustling in a bush, focusing on what the hell was going on there. I held my breath when a whitetail did poke its head through and quietly started to sit, enjoying the sun warming it. It made me hesitant to pull the trigger.

"Steady," Jacob warned me.

I shouldn't think about it, just aim and shoot. Aiming for its head I steadied the rifle by holding my breath. Pulling the trigger, my heart jumped when the calm whitetail fell down limply. Dead by my shot. I was silent for a while, taking in the situation. Then I got to my feet and threw my arms in the air, proud that I was able to make the shot, trying the first time. Jacob got to his feet as well, shaking his head at me.

"You'll scare other wildlife away." He grumbled, "Quiet down, marshal."

I felt him tense when I wrapped my arms around his waist, not even thinking about it as I shared my happiness with him. When I smelled light sweat and morning spring instead of the fresh cologne which I was used to I gasped and jumped back, realizing I crossed a line.

"I-I'm sorry." I stumbled, "I didn't mean to."

Jacob brushed it off like it was nothing, "Yeah I get it, first shot and all. You want to collect your prize, marshal?" He asked.

"No!"

His blue eyes glittered amusingly, "Then stay here, kitten. I'll collect it"

Did he call me that since he thought I was a scaredy-cat? I wasn't a mountain girl who picked up a rifle in the weekend to hunt wildlife and collected their skin and meat. The very thought made me want to throw up. I didn't though. I was sure the big man I just hugged wouldn't appreciate it. I didn't notice him bringing a cooler with him but he moved to the truck so Pratt probably loaded up the car like an obedient servant. I tried to shake the thought off and sat down, brushing my fingers over the rifle I got acquainted with. It took Jacob a while to join me and when he did the smell of the mountains really stuck with him. It wasn't unpleasant, it was manly and weirdly enough it suited him but it reminded me of John and how put together he was. I missed him.

* * *

The days that followed after were a lot more eventful. Jacob no longer expected me to stay in my small room, doing absolutely nothing to pass time. I was allowed in his office, cleaning up after him. It involved organizing papers he scattered across the large table and keeping track of food rations. He gave me things to do and didn't make me feel like I'd do any second by his hand anymore. I think shooting that whitetail made him respect me a little more though refusing to collect my prize afterward caused him to call me kitten. I was seated at the large table, stacking up some papers when static of a radio echoed through the room.

"Jacob, you there?"

The papers slipped through my fingers when I heard John's voice. Jacob left his radio in his office while he checked up with the prisoners in their cages. I glanced at the door making sure the man wasn't standing in the doorway, observing me. He wasn't so I reached for the radio and quickly answered it.

"John!"

"Gabriella?" He sounded surprised to hear me.

I was hesitant as I answered, "D-Did you talk to Joseph?"

It was silent for a while, it worried me. Jacob could come back any minute now and John was taking his damn sweet time. I also didn't like how he needed time to respond to me while I was so excited to finally hear his voice. Was Joseph right about him after all?

"I'm working on it."

It was a lie, I could hear it in his voice. It was the tone he used, gentle and soft. Like when he was speaking in front of a camera, recording a PR video. I tightened my grip on the radio, feeling lost. He was the one person I relied on yet it felt like the trust we build was kicked down the minute Jacob dragged me with him to the mountains.

"You want me to rely a message to Jacob?"

"No, that's okay." The soft chuckle which followed sounded hollow, "I'll talk to him later."

My eyes trailed to the door when I heard footsteps coming my way. Jacob stood in the doorway looking amused to see me with his radio and John's voice echoing through the room.

"Jacob just arrived." I stepped to the elder Seed and handed him his radio, "John wants to talk to you." I moved to the large table and sat on top of it, watching Jacob like a hawk.

The glittering in his blue eyes told me he was quite amused with me.

"John." Jacob greeted, moving into his office and closing the door behind him.

"They'll deliver it in two weeks."

I narrowed my eyes at the elder Seed who never looked away from me.

"Good."

Jacob wasn't a man of many words with his siblings either, I guess he was actually being nice to me when we went hunting together.

"How did the hunting trip go?"

I tilted my head to the side, confused as to why John was talking to Jacob as if I wasn't in the room. Maybe he thought Jacob asked of me to leave the room so they could talk. The elder Seed didn't comment on me making myself at home. I think he didn't even mind I was listening in and observing him.

"The marshal is a good shot."

"Just keep her entertained for the time being."

I raised an eyebrow at Jacob who merely smirked in return, "I'll keep her entertained."

I knew Jacob said it to tease me and probably provoke his brother to talk about his feelings, he didn't mean anything by it I assumed but it still got to me. I hated blushing like a little school girl in front of this soldier build like a bear. I was pretty sure this man wrestled with alligators in his free time. There was no hugging him or being cute in front of him. He already told me not to try that shit with him.

"What are you getting at?" John's tone didn't change, it still sounded emotionless and distant. It hurt listening to him talk this way about me. While I patiently waited for him to convince Joseph, he already forgot about me.

"Figure it out yourself." Jacob threw back.

It was silent for a while, Jacob and I staring at each other. He wasn't doing this to tease his brother, he was making a point to me. It worked because I figured out that I was the only one feeling a loss while not being at the ranch.

"If that what it takes to keep her compliant."

Jacob moved the radio to his mouth, "Got ya." He then placed the radio back on his belt, "You okay, kitten?"

I folded my arms across my chest, "I want to shoot something."

I wasn't going to talk about my feelings, I knew Jacob didn't want to be a listening ear while I complained. He would have no objections to shooting a gun I figured. It would be therapeutic, I hoped. I'd pretend it was John's traitorous face I was shooting at.

"How do you feel about a bow and arrow?"

I hopped off the desk, "Your hunters use a bow, right?"

He nodded. Humor left his eyes as he quietly stared at me. Weirdly enough it felt like this was some sort of test. Like he wanted to see what I'd do after dealing with an emotional setback. I wouldn't lie and say I wouldn't cry when I was alone. I would. But right now I was just pissed.

"Let's try it."

His lips curled up to a subtle smile, "Follow me."

We walked out of his office together, heading to the armory to grab the equipment we needed. I wasn't allowed at the armory before but Jacob must have felt bad enough for me to suggest teaching me how to handle a bow and arrow. Jacob left things to deputy Pratt and his men while we headed out of the center, still close enough for the soldier to head back if problems occurred. We took our time outside the center. Jacob was good at teaching me the routine, it was pretty straightforward. It just took time and patience to perfect the skill. Thankfully for me, I had so much time on my hands I could practice handling a bow and arrow every day.

"It's getting dark, let's head inside."

I followed after Jacob, watching his confident stride. Back at the ranch, I assumed living together with this man before I would be my worst nightmare. It wasn't so bad though. Boring at first, but after getting to know me somewhat Jacob kept me entertained enough for me not to lose my mind. It wasn't in the way John assumed, but it was still enjoyable. I was also learning new skills It couldn't be a bad thing knowing how to handle a rifle and a bow. In the mountains, it might be pretty useful.

"I'll become so good at this shit, you'll beg me to join your hunters."

Jacob stopped in his tracks, turning around to face me, "Oh yeah?" The chuckle which followed held so much more emotion to it than when John laughed at what I told him, "I have to see it before believing it, marshal."

Defiantly I held my chin up and stared straight into those blue eyes, "Then wait and see, old man."

He moved to me, grabbing my collar and pulling me forward with so much ease I was honestly impressed, "If you fail I have to sacrifice you."

I smirked at him, "That's not what Joseph wants."

He pushed me back, turning on his heels again and moving forward like a man on a mission. I did catch him whistling that damn song he loved so much. I quietly followed after him, a bit confused as what just transpired between us. We were getting along, I assumed. Jacob entered his office, I stood in the doorway knowing he didn't want me around anymore.

"Take her to her room, Peaches," Jacob ordered.

The deputy was on the move and gestured for me to follow him. I glanced over my shoulder, looking at Jacob who stood at the head of the table, glancing at the huge map he had pinned to the wall. I glanced at the deputy who tapped me on the shoulder when I didn't move.

"Please, marshal."

"I'm sorry." I didn't want to stall and get the deputy in trouble, I knew that Jacob wasn't exactly nice to Pratt. I didn't want the man to get hurt because of my actions.

"I'll bring you some food." He promised me when we reached my room.

"I want to have a shower afterward." I quickly added, wanting to wash the dirt and sweat away before heading to bed.

The deputy who stood in the doorway while I settled on top of my bed nodded, "Yes, of course." He lingered in the doorway which made me raise an eyebrow at him, "I overheard a conversation between Joseph and Jacob before." I trailed his eyes down, not being able to face me which actually kind of worried me, "Jacob took you away from the ranch because Joseph asked that of him."

"I know." Joseph himself mentioned it to me.

The deputy looked at me, a fire burning in his eyes as he stepped closer, "It's not what you think. He was upset and Jacob had to calm him down."

I bit my lip, knowing exactly why Joseph was upset. Lust was a sin after all. Joseph did mention knowing John slept around. I didn't understand why it was such a big deal John and I slept together. There were women before me the younger Seed charmed and the father seemed okay with that. It didn't make sense my lustful relationship with John became such a problem. Unless the father seemed to think I'd become the death of John Seed. Then I could understand since both Jacob and Joseph seemed to be very protective over their little brother.

"John and I-"

"Are sleeping together, Jacob was very clear about that." The deputy brushed it off, not even blinking when he said something so personal about me. He seemed passionate about sharing the truth about my stay at the center so I decided to remain silent for now.

"Joseph wants you at the compound."

That didn't seem right, he didn't want that before.

"John told me that Joseph was okay with me being at the ranch."

"Something changed recently." The deputy looked paranoid, glancing over his shoulder as if he thought Jacob would suddenly show up out of thin air, "Joseph told Jacob The Voice made it clear you're supposed to be at the compound now. Jacob didn't agree."

"So I'm here," I whispered.

"I need to go." The deputy left my room in a rush.

Nothing made sense to me anymore. Joseph made it seem that he wanted me at the veteran center because John and I were using each other. At least that's what he believed. Now Pratt told me something more was going on. Could I actually believe that Jacob was on my side? There was no way. The only people he cared about were his brothers. If he did keep me away from the compound it was because he was doing John a favor. John being distant from me now must be because of Joseph suddenly showing interest in me. What changed? I wanted to know but the deputy didn't seem to know the answer to it. I needed to find out myself.


	12. Guilt

**Chapter twelve – Guilt**

* * *

It's been two weeks since I last heard John's voice, I was longing to hear his voice again despite him behaving so cold last time we spoke. He tried to cover it up by being his charming self, but I liked to think I knew him better than that. Doubt was spreading across me like wildfire but I had to fight it. The things the deputy told me could very much prove that it was Joseph who wanted John to treat me that way. The question was why did Joseph suddenly take an interest in me? He didn't care before. I was currently at Jacob's office, the man himself was standing on the balcony overlooking the courtyard. He was thinking, remaining silent with his hands behind his back. I didn't dare to make a sound when Jacob was thinking so I quietly sat on top of the large table assembling the rifle Jacob lent to me for hunting. I tried to get as good at it as the soldier himself, but I was still lacking the efficiency.

"You're getting good at it."

I looked up, staring into emotionless pools of blue.

"Practice makes perfect, right?" I joked, hoping to lighten the mood between us.

His eyes scanned over the rifle, "Routine is important."

I didn't feel the hostility radiating off him like it did weeks ago whenever we were in the same room. He might have gotten used to my presence.

"I want to see how you handle a bow and arrow now." He stepped to the head of the table and grabbed his radio to strap it on his belt, "Go grab your shit and meet me at the courtyard."

Not wanting to keep the man waiting I hopped off the desk and started moving. Since I got more freedom at the center I could move around on my own. Jacob did warn me that his hunters would shoot at the scene if I tried to escape. I didn't want to escape though. I left the rifle on my bed and grabbed the bow Jacob gave me tossing it in a bag together with the arrows. I rushed out of my room, meeting up with the soldier in the courtyard as promised. Like last time we didn't go far from the center. I didn't dare to ask him about my progress, the fact he didn't bark out orders made me think that I impressed him enough.

"You're still not on their level." He told me as we walked back to the center.

"I will get there," I said confidently.

He glanced over his shoulder, his smirk making me sigh in relief, "We'll see."

When the electric gates opened Jacob took a protective stance before me, grabbing his gun and holding it up to a disheveled looking man. Jacob's hunters already surrounded the man so he had nowhere to go. Howls of wolfs echoing behind me made me step forward and grab the end of Jacob's jacket, my breathing picking up.

"Peaches," Jacob called.

The deputy showed himself, his eyes on his feet while he looked more scared than I was.

"He knocked me out when I was cleaning his cage."

"Pathetic." Jacob muttered, he then lowered his gun, "Take care of him." He ordered.

I think to no one in particular. The man begging for mercy made tears run down my face. It reminded me of Hudson who I betrayed. She wasn't at the center so I knew she was in Faith's hands. John made it clear that ending up in Faith's hands was worse than going through Jacob's training. I just didn't want anyone around me who begged for their lives to go through that feeling. I wanted to stop it so I dashed around Jacob and stood before the pleading man. My back to him while I faced Jacob. He looked surprised, he probably didn't see that coming since I had been clinging to his jacket like my life depended on it.

"Step away from him, kitten." Jacob ordered, his voice strict while his blue eyes glimmered with anger, "That's an order."

I'd lie if I said I didn't fear the soldier because I did, but I couldn't allow this man to be killed at the spot. If I was right Jacob wouldn't let me get hurt. For whatever reason, he wanted me at the center to protect me, even if it meant to protect me from his brother Joseph. It was an odd situation which I needed to get to the bottom of it but right now I just needed to make sure the man behind me wouldn't die.

"I'm not one of your soldiers." I pointed out, "So I don't actually take orders from you."

He put his red shiny firearm back in its holster, a hollow chuckle rumbling from his chest as he viewed me with amusement sparkling in those blue eyes.

"That's quite daring of you, kitten."

We were so focused on each other we didn't pay attention to the man who had been living in his own filth for maybe weeks. My heart nearly popped when I felt metal press against my throat while the man wrapped an arm around my waist to keep me close, using me as a human shield.

"Don't come any closer. I'll fucking kill her."

The man sounded angry, the blade piercing my skin which made my heart squeeze painfully out of fear. It was clear to me that I might end up dead right then and there trying to save someone.

"Then do it." Jacob taunted him.

My breathing hitched in my throat, I didn't think the soldier would plainly tell the prisoner to kill me. I thought I was residing at the center because he was watching over me.

Jacob folded his arms across his chest, watching us with a grin spread across his face, "I told Joseph I wouldn't hurt her but if you end her I kept my word to my brother. It works out that way." He gestured to me, "So go ahead."

The man behind me seemed hesitant, maybe he didn't intend to kill me at all. He might have assumed I had some worth to Jacob Seed just like I did. We both got disappointed by the soldier. Tears streamed down my face when I felt him drawing blood, his anger or wrath as John would call it making him push the blade deeper into my skin.

"Call off your hunters!" The man demanded.

Jacob stepped aside and made a hand gesture which I assumed was him calling off his hunters, "Go ahead." He told the confused prisoner, "Run for your life."

The soldier didn't seem worried at all, I was sure the minute the prisoner stepped out of center Jacob's judges would be on his trail, ready to cull the herd.

"What are you waiting for?" The soldier taunted.

The man pushed me away from him, I landed on my knees and kept myself up by quickly pushing back with my palms. It hurt, I was sure I scraped my palms and my knees. I heard frantic movement but focused on pulling myself together. I felt a cramp in my lower part of my body, making me inhale sharply to breathe to the pain. I couldn't get my period right now. This was not the right time. Another cramp hit me hard and when I felt warm liquid running down my thighs I knew something was wrong. Jacob stepped to me and kneeled down, scanning my face.

"You can get up now."

I shook my head, "I can't."

The pain was too much it wasn't the same kind of pain I endured when I actually had my period. It didn't feel right.

"S-Something is wrong with me." I breathed.

Jacob observed me and within a split second, he was barking orders. I didn't listen to him all I heard was call a medic and John. I tried to breathe through the pain so my focus was on my breathing rather than my surroundings. But I did notice movement all around me. I whined when I was lifted up, feeling the warm liquid stain my pants. If the pain wasn't so bad I felt like dying I would have been embarrassed being in Jacob's arms while I bled.

"Fuck." He mumbled which made me groan in response.

"I-I didn't plan for this." I grabbed onto the front of his shirt, clutching with everything I had.

"It means he was fucking right."

"John?"

Jacob chuckled, "No kitten, Joseph."

He didn't take me to my room, he took me to the medical bay and placed me on the awaiting bed. It wasn't just a medic who was present, there was a woman wearing a stethoscope also present in the room. She took one look at me and then turned to Jacob.

"We'd need some privacy."

Jacob looked at me, his hand squeezing my shoulder in some sort of reassurance I suppose, "I'll contact John." He then left the medical bay and left me in the hands of strangers.

By this point, I also understood what was going on. Jacob figured out in an instant and thankfully took charge because I was freaking out. I didn't know what to feel and right now the pain was too much. I couldn't think about anything else but get through this.

* * *

I woke up feeling groggy, tensing up when I felt a hand gently run down my arm in a soothing manner. Glancing up I looked into the eyes of the man I missed so much.

"John?"

He hushed me, leaning in to kiss me gently against the lips. He was standing at my right side, his fingers gently brushing up and down my left arm. His face looked gentle, his eyes soft yet red. I didn't remember John getting here but Jacob did mention he was contacting his brother.

"You'll be okay." He whispered to me.

I knew he spoke words of encouragement, trying to help me get through this but now I didn't feel like I'd die because of cramps realization hit me like a moving truck. Tears streamed down my face, I was sobbing without restraint. John gently moved me to my side and settled down on the bed beside me. He held me to him, his hand gently resting on the back of my head while he let me cry against his chest.

"It's going to be okay." He whispered.

All he did was whisper sweet words to me, promising me to take me home with him. That he'd be there for me. It was unlike him but his red eyes were definitely not like him either. My miscarriage also affected him. I heard guilt in his voice which didn't make any sense. It was my fault this happened. I should have stayed behind Jacob and let him deal with the prisoner but I interfered and put our child in danger. It was my fault.

"We didn't think Joseph was right about this. You didn't show any signs." He whispered, "Jacob was keeping a close eye on you." A hollow chuckle left his lips, the same kind of laugh I heard over the radio the other day, "We should have trusted Joseph's words." He whispered, "The father is always right."

It didn't make sense Joseph knew about my pregnancy when I didn't even know about it. I had my period, it was light but it was there. Jacob was apparently keeping a close eye on me to look for any signs but there were none. It made me cry louder as I realized I was actually a bad mother. I should have seen the signs. This was my body after all. I tightly held onto John, not wanting to hear him take the blame.

"We'll be okay." He whispered, kissing my hair a few times.

He held me until I couldn't cry anymore. I was hiccupping, barely holding onto John as he rubbed my back gently. His touch almost ghosting up and down.

"We'll head to the ranch tomorrow."

I nodded. It made him kiss my hair again. I didn't talk much, maybe I didn't talk at all but John didn't seem to mind. He kept talking as if he knew I needed to hear his voice. It was quiet but never lost the charming tone which I really liked. I fell in and out of consciousness because I was tired of sobbing. I did notice when John left me for a bit, Jacob standing in the doorway whispering something to him. John looked tired, running his fingers through his usually sleeked back hair. It was all over the place now. Jacob's eyes shifted to me, he then leaned in and whispered something to John. The soldier turned on his heels and left. John sighed, he took his time before he faced me again and moved to the bed with a small smile spread across his face. He was trying to keep strong for me. Something was going on between the Seeds but I couldn't overhear their quiet conversation. It was bad news though.

"Go to sleep." John whispered, "You need your rest."

He was running his fingers through my hair gently, trying to soothe me. My lips twitched when I heard John gently hum. It was the song Jacob loved so much. I was pretty sure it was the song dedicated to him. Closing my eyes I tried to get some rest.


	13. Old and Grey

**Chapter thirteen – Old and Grey**

* * *

The next morning I woke up to John running his fingers through my hair. He greeted me with a gentle smile. His eyes soft and the redness gone. Glancing around the room I realized I was still in the medical bay. They never moved me to my room.

"Do you need help to get ready?" John asked.

"I'll manage."

I wasn't sure I could manage but I wanted to use the bathroom alone. The doctor made it clear I needed to use pads for a while and I didn't want John with me as I cleaned up.

"Call me if you do need help."

He leaned in and kissed my head, pulling away he held his hand out to me, helping me out of bed. The pain I felt yesterday was gone but I still felt sluggish and I could feel the wetness between my thighs. The doctor warned me about this, it's why I wanted to use the bathroom on my own.

"Thanks," I muttered.

"I'm going to grab you clean clothes from your room."

I smiled at him, standing in the doorway of the clinical looking bathroom, "You can't call that a room." I joked.

John's eyes lightened up, the blues in his eyes so much brighter which made my smile widen. He must have been happy I was trying to lighten the mood. It had been intense yesterday, both of us emotionally raw. We didn't talk about the pregnancy, but I knew that conversation would eventually come up. Right now John was just giving me time to heal up.

"Well, nothing can compare to the ranch." The arrogance in his voice made me laugh.

We smiled at each other, the mood between us so much better.

"True." I agreed quietly.

"Okay, I'll be right back."

I watched John left the medical bay and then stepped into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. Everything I needed to freshen up and feel human again was there, thankfully Jacob's staff was efficient and thorough. I freshened up, brushing my teeth and taking a quick shower to clean up the mess. My quick shower took longer than I thought it would, but when I finished I felt a lot better. John handed me my clean clothes when I peeked into the main room. He picked a navy blue tee and grey joggers which didn't belong to me. They were a bit too big on me and I had to roll it up. He picked comfortable clothing because we were heading back to the ranch today. Putting on my socks and boots I grabbed the box of pads and left the bathroom, stuffing the box in the awaiting bag on the bed I occupied before.

"We'll eat something first before we head home," John informed me.

It was a long trip back to the ranch so I knew I had to eat something. I had no appetite though.

"They prepared a light soup for you." He informed me, "Something light to fill you up."

John walked up to me, zipping up my bag and lifting it up effortlessly. He held his free hand out to me, waiting for me to take it. Slipping my hand in his I let him guide me out of the room. I recognized where we were going. I walked these hallways so many times before. Reaching the double doors we entered Jacob's office. The soldier was standing on the balcony, one hand on the railing while the other held onto his radio. He was talking to someone and he sounded annoyed.

"They're heading to the ranch in a few minutes. You should stay at the compound."

The compound which meant he was talking to Joseph. John sounded like a small child when he talked about Joseph yesterday. He was angry at himself for not listening to Joseph. He fell apart because of something Joseph had said which came true. I wanted to comfort him but I honestly had no idea where to start.

Jacob turned around and looked at us, "I need to run." He strapped his radio to his belt and stepped into his office, "You look better kitten."

John tensed beside me, clearly, he didn't like Jacob calling me that. I liked it though, it reminded me of the time we bonded together. Jacob taught me a lot even when he sometimes sounded exasperated when dealing with me.

"Thank you." I murmured, knowing Jacob got it.

John beside me shifted, "If you're quite done making googly eyes at my brother, take a seat and eat your soup."

His envy was showing and he didn't even try to hide it. It made Jacob chuckle, the eldest Seed brother wasn't worried. I took a seat at the desk, my eyes focused on the soup. Grabbing the spoon I took a sip, it tasted good. John and Jacob retreated to the balcony, quietly talking but I wasn't so out of it that I couldn't follow their conversation. They were discussing Joseph and his intentions. John was lost, hating himself for not trusting the word of the father. Jacob placed his hand on John's shoulder, giving it a squeeze. Comforting words never came from him though. That little touch was all John got from his older brother.

"We couldn't know for sure, Joseph isn't always right, you know." Jacob reminded his younger brother.

John shook his head, "No, he is right all the damn time."

Jacob sighed, "If you say so." The soldier leaned against the railing and faced me. His face was pulled into an impassive mask, I couldn't tell what he was thinking.

The deputy came walking in, handing John and Jacob a cup of something. Was it coffee? I couldn't tell from where I was sitting. I needed to finish my soup instead of observing the Seed brothers. Their conversation was about me though, which made it hard for me to only focus on filling up my stomach. When the deputy left the Seed brothers to themselves on the balcony he threw me a knowing look.

"Peaches, load up John's truck," Jacob ordered.

"Yes, sir." The deputy muttered.

The deputy left the office, leaving me alone with the Seed brothers again. I was nearly done with my soup, John glanced at me, his lips curling up to a smile.

"You okay?" He asked.

"I'm fine." I immediately answered back.

Jacob sipped his drink, "She's strong after all."

John rolled his eyes at that, "You almost done, darling? We need to leave soon."

My cheeks heated, he never called me a cute pet name in front of his siblings. Jacob hid his smirk by sipping his drink. He was entertained by us though. It was a good atmosphere despite what happened yesterday. I wanted to crawl into bed and just sleep. I quickly finished my soup. John noticed I finished my food and was on the move. He wanted to head back to Holland Valley even more than I did. I got used to the center, I got used to having Jacob around. The big man did make me feel safe despite his harsh words at times.

"Joseph might show up at the ranch," Jacob told John who was helping me out of my chair.

"I know." John spoke to his brother while he brushed my hair out of my face, "You want to use the bathroom before we leave?" He asked quietly.

It was probably a good idea so I went to the bathroom the deputy always led me to when I stayed in the small room. Jacob and John were moving to the courtyard, waiting for me by John's pick-up truck. I quickly freshened up, looking at myself in the mirror. I had no color in my face and my eyes looked tired. Still red due to all the crying. Not wanting to stare at myself for too long because it wasn't getting any better I left the bathroom and met up with the Seed brothers at the awaiting black pick-up. I glanced up at Jacob who looked intimidating no matter what the situation was. Yet I didn't feel scared anymore. I knew he cared, he just didn't know how to express it or show it. Always the tough guy.

"Thanks." I said quietly, "For everything."

He nodded, the soldier stepped aside and held the door open to the passenger seat.

"Get in, kitten."

John rolled his eyes again, he was like a little kid who didn't like to share. Climbing into the car I settled in the seat, trying to get as comfortable as possible. I watched as Jacob grabbed John's shoulder and leaned in, whispering something in his ear and then pulled away. John looked despondent, his shoulders slumping. Narrowing my eyes on the Baptist I watched him walk around the hood and get into the driver's seat.

"Joseph might pay us a visit tonight."

I glanced at him, "Do I need to be present for it?"

He placed his hand on my thigh, "He wants to talk to you, pray for you."

It was nice and all but the bad feeling I had concerning this man didn't fade. The fact that Jacob didn't want me at Joseph's compound only made that feeling worse.

"He might not show up, right?"

John gave my thigh a squeeze, "Joseph loves his children, Gabriella." He glanced at me, "I'll help you see it."

I glanced down at the hand resting on my thigh. The ink on his hand was alluring, I brushed my fingers gently over his fingers, it felt great having him this close to me again.

"You'll march me right through Eden's gate?" I asked, "Are you feeling bold and brave, John?"

I squealed when he gave my side a pinch. Pain shot through my sluggish body but it was worth it. He wasn't looking at me as if I was a lost puppy. I liked it when John was indeed bold and brave. It was what attracted me to him in the first place.

"Make fun of me all you want now." He warned me, "But remind yourself that eventually, you'll feel better." The way his voice trailed off made a shiver run down my spine.

I made a face of absolute surprise, "Are you threatening the woman who just lost our child?"

He had the decency to look guilty for even trying to threaten me. I didn't care much about his threat though, I knew he wouldn't actually go through with it. I laced our fingers together, smiling brightly when the song came on which I now loved as well. Singing along with only you made John loudly huff and pull away from me, both hands at the steering wheel while he clenched his jaw. He was trying to contain his outburst.

"So you and Jacob are pals now?" He asked, his voice gentle yet his blue eyes were burning.

"He taught me how to use a sniper rifle and a bow and arrow." I admitted to him, "I think that makes us close friends in Jacob's book."

John snorted, "My brother isn't keen on strangers."

"I'm pretty sure he took me in because he knew I was pregnant with your child before it even happened, I think. That made him consider me family of some sort." I narrowed my eyes at John, "From the whispers I've heard I can conclude Joseph somehow predicted this. So Joseph wanted me at the compound and Jacob said no. You agreed with Jacob and treated me coldly because you were afraid word got out to Joseph somehow. You didn't want the father to know you cared. Am I right about everything?"

His grip on the steering wheel got so tight I was worried he'd rip it apart. He thankfully didn't though, so we weren't stuck in the middle of the road between Whitetail Mountains and Holland Valley.

"Jacob and I weren't convinced Joseph was right about this." He trailed his eyes to my stomach, regret flashing through those clear blue eyes, "If I had listened to Joseph none of this would have happened. You would have been safe at the compound."

I wasn't so sure about that, maybe because I trusted Jacob more than I should. I just knew that the soldier was good at protecting those he cared about. He might not care much for me but the baby I carried for a little while was someone he cared about, even if it only lasted a few weeks.

"Jacob didn't think I'd be safe at the compound."

"Well, Jacob." The way John raised his voice scared me, it was like I was in his torture room again, "Won't tell me why he believes Joseph could be a threat to my child. Our child." He corrected himself which made me smile despite him having one of his usual rants, "So I can't say I made the right decision even if he keeps telling me I did."

I didn't want John to be upset with his older brother, Jacob did what he could. I didn't blame him for anything and neither should John.

"I jumped in front of that guy, that had nothing to do with Jacob."

John exhaled through his nose, he was trying to calm himself down. His shoulders slumping told me he calmed down somewhat.

"I know, I just need some time." He then looked at me, the threatening look in his eyes making me swallow nervously, "You fawning over my big brother isn't helping so could you stop being infatuated with him."

I let out a soft laugh, "You serious?" I asked him, "I never went there."

"Of course you didn't."

Jacob was only joking when he taunted John over the radio. I thought he knew that since he answered so calmly. He was throwing it all in my face now, I wasn't even recovered yet. I thought the lawyer had more sense than that.

"I didn't." I clarified firmly, "Envy is a sin, John." I reminded him, "I think the father would love to hear about it." I wouldn't actually tell Joseph about this conversation but the Baptist just pissed me off by assuming things which weren't true.

The ride back to his ranch was a bit uncomfortable. We didn't speak to each other, only listening to the Peggie station. I wanted to sing along with the song 'Oh John' occasionally but I knew the man himself wouldn't appreciate it. It was so catchy though. I ignored 'Only You' completely because John's envy was to be feared. By the time we arrived at the ranch the sun was high up the sky, making me feel sweaty. I was desperate for a shower, but that had to wait because Joseph and Faith decided to pay us a visit.

"Jacob is family, I know he'll never hurt you." John whispered to me, "Don't trust her though." I knew he was referring to Faith, "She'll tell you nothing but lies to get you to like her. Once she knows she got you she'll try and manipulate you. She ruins lives."

I nodded, "I won't trust her." I promised him.

We climbed out of the pickup, Joseph holding his arms open for his little brother. John looked at me before he moved forward and let Joseph place his hands on his shoulders. The father leaned in and pressed his forehead gently against John's. I slowly walked up the ranch as well, flashing Faith a small smile in return.

"You'll grow even stronger." Joseph whispered to his brother, "You will be blessed with another child. I've seen it."

John closed his eyes, so much pain painted on his face it made me cry. I jumped when Faith appeared beside me, gently placing her hand on my arm.

"Let's get you inside." She quietly spoke, "It's been a long trip, I'm sure you want to get comfortable."

I glanced over my shoulder, "My bag."

"I'll get it." She smiled.

Letting her grab my stuff I walked up the steps and headed into the ranch. It felt like home the minute I set foot in it. The center was big and cold, it never quite felt like it was a home. Then again it wasn't meant to be a home. It was Jacob's headquarters I assumed. The ranch was different though. It was the place John felt like he could be himself. He came to this place to unwind. I didn't want to leave this place ever again.

"I've got your bag." Faith sounded so cheerful, so full of life it was hard to imagine the things John said about her, "Do I need to get you anything?" She asked, "Brother John usually keeps his pantry stocked. I'm sure I could make you some tea."

I took the bag from her, "Thank you. I'd love some tea." I admitted to her.

She giggled, "Then I'll make us some tea."

I headed up to the guest room, feeling more comfortable using that room instead of John's. I freshened up and met up with Faith in the kitchen. She made me a cup of tea just like she promised. We settled on the living room couch and a few minutes later Joseph and John joined us. I held my breath when Joseph approached me, sitting down next to me. He placed his hand on my head, I leaned in knowing that's what he intended to do. He pressed his forehead against mine and then pulled away.

"I know you're in pain right now, things will get better." He assured me, "Things will get better for the two of you." He glanced from John to me, "You two will grow old together, have a family to love."

Last time we spoke he was convinced John and I were not doing the right thing. The pregnancy changed his opinion entirely. I didn't want to question him though. I wasn't Jacob, I wasn't strong enough to keep my ground when talking to the man who led a flock. John wasn't strong enough either. It was best if we just appeased the father and let him go on his way.

"I just need some time."

"Of course, I've told you before. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh. Good things are going to happen to you in the near future." He reassured me, "And for the time being your family will be here, helping you in every way that they can." He glanced at Faith who smiled in return.

I'm sure Faith was nice and all but I didn't need her to stick around. I had John, we might not always get along but he was all I needed. He never hid his feelings, he was always honest. I needed that.

"John and I will manage." I smiled at him, "I think right now we just need each other."

John quickly agreed which surprised me after his rant in the car. I think he didn't want to have Faith around either. It was quite amusing to see him struggling with keeping his opinions to himself. The Baptist had his outburst, he knew about it too. He tried to control it around Joseph it seemed.

"You are right." The father gently spoke up, "You have each other."

The father and Faith left the ranch after we finished our tea. John insisted I got some rest, he made sure I crawled into bed. His bed. Things were slowly settling down, I could close my eyes for a little while and just rely on John. The father saw us grow old together, that meant John and I had a happy ending together. At least I assumed we'd be happy when we were grey, having a family of our own.


	14. The Father

**Chapter fourteen – The Father**

* * *

After two weeks of recovering at the ranch and getting spoiled by John, Joseph invited us to attend a sermon at his compound. We couldn't refuse, he might have asked politely but the look John threw me let me know that we had to attend the sermon. I was feeling a lot better physically and mentally so I wasn't completely against it. I also didn't want John to suffer more. I was aware Joseph had some kind of hold on his younger brother, John sometimes looked like a scared little puppy when he did something Joseph disapproved off. I didn't want to see him like that so I agreed.

"That dress looks lovely on you." The Baptist leaned against the doorpost, his arms folded across his chest.

I glanced down, the flowy blue dressed reached a little over my knees. It was modest and perfectly hid my body. It was fine, I didn't feel like this was the type of dress which John would like. It made me suspicious of him.

"Are just saying that?" I asked, "Because this does not look like a dress you'd like to see me in."

He pushed himself away from the doorpost, "Of course not, darling." That overly sweet tone made me even more suspicious of him. When he approached me and tried to wrap his arms around me to pull me in for a kiss I kept him at arm's length, "You are a beautiful woman, anything looks good on you."

He was being overly charming, he definitely did not like this long, flowy dress.

"Am I wearing this to please Joseph?" I asked.

"Yeah, mostly to show Joseph that you fully accepted the Project." He murmured.

I raised an eyebrow at him, gesturing to the dress I was wearing, "I'm doing that by simply wearing a dress."

John sighed, "It's us showing that we're not all about indulging in pleasures of the flesh."

I pressed my lips to a thin line, trying hard not to laugh at the pouty looking man. John was definitely the younger Seed, it was clear in everything he did. Spoiled by his older brothers who wanted to give him everything now that they were older and could protect themselves. But also the brother they shook their heads at and sighed. I grabbed onto his hands, admiring the ink which covered them.

"I'll do whatever I can to get on his good side, okay?" I promised.

He seemed taken back by my gentle words and show of affection. I could tell he was getting a bit uncomfortable with not knowing how to react to me.

"How do you plan on doing that?" He asked his voice wavering which made me hide another smile, "You aren't convinced the dress will work so tell me, Gabriella, are you going to have a riveting conversation with the father about Eden's Gate teachings? Because I have to be honest with you, darling. You won't be convincing anyone since you always fall asleep when reading the Book of Joseph."

I looked away, "Because it's so boring." I whispered and forced a smile on my face when John made a displeased noise, "I made Jacob Seed, the man who doesn't like anybody but his siblings like me. And you can say it's only because I was carrying baby Seed but I know better. We definitely bonded."

John clenched his jaw, making me step back because I knew he was now losing his patience with me. I always forgot that the man I was attracted to usually had outbursts so bad he destroyed everything on his path. He wouldn't hurt me, I believed that with every fiber of my being but seeing him riled up like that still scared me a little.

"Could we not involve my big brother into every conversation we're having?" He asked me.

He sounded out of breath, he tried hard to contain his anger, his wrath. I nodded, not wanting to see him this upset before Joseph's sermon.

"Okay, I won't do it again."

He narrowed his blue eyes at me, "Good, then let's head to the car." His lips curling up to his usual charming smile, "Darling." He added like it was an afterthought or him forcing to be affectionate after being quite demanding. I didn't want to question it and merely smiled in response.

He grabbed my hand and led me down the stairs to his awaiting pick-up. We ignored the Peggies who were patrolling the place, I'm sure by now everyone was informed about our relationship. Ignoring people staring at us was the best thing to do. John helped me climb in first and then settled behind the wheel, the Peggie station turning on once he started the car.

I grinned at the man whose eyes were still filled with wrath, "It's my favorite song."

He couldn't help but smile considering it was his song, "Is it now?"

"Oh, John." I sang along with the loud background singers, making the man beside me laugh quietly, "What?" I asked him, noticing the change in his eyes.

He glanced at me, "I'd love to hear you say that under different circumstances, marshal." The way he lowered his voice when he called me marshal made me clench my thighs together. We could not be doing any of that for a while so it was unfair he was teasing me.

"Pleasures of the flesh." I reminded him.

Unlike me, he was in a good mood the entire trip to the compound. Right about now I wished Joseph would say something to make that smug look disappear from his cute face. When we arrived at the compound people were already strolling in. Jacob stood by the church doors, keeping his eye on things like always. He acknowledged us with a nod and then scanned the area again. Always the protector. I smiled and faced John, holding out my hand to him. He stared at it as if I just asked him to strip naked and streak across the compound.

"Seriously?" I asked him.

He grabbed my hand and raised it up, kissing my wrist, "Just messing with you."

"Keep this up and I'll hit you where it hurts." I warned him quietly, leaning in to whisper in his ear, "I know what you love the most in Hope County and it ain't your love for the Project or the ranch." I whispered, I then pulled away from him and beamed at him.

He tightened his grip on my hand, "I think someone is eager to confess again."

To others, it might look like we were having an intimate conversation. We were whispering to each other and smiling like we were the happiest people in the damn County. If people only knew. I pulled away from John when a giggle met my ears.

"You two are so cute together, aren't you?" It didn't sound like Faith meant any of it, but her bright smile never left her beautiful face, "The father has planned something special for the couple who are meant to be." She giggled, "Don't waste too much time out here." She then headed to the church and passed Jacob, their eyes meeting as she walked in.

I turned to look at the man who looked annoyed now, "We're meant to be?" I asked him.

"If the father says we are then it must be true." He told me in quite a serious tone which made me keep all the jokes to myself. Those would be inappropriate now.

He laced our fingers together and marched up to the church, bold and brave John was leading me straight through the doors of Joseph's church. To me it felt like the night I entered the church together with Cameron and the sheriff. I hated feeling anxious and scared. I imagined Joseph loudly preaching about a lamb again. Thankfully he wasn't preaching right now. It gave me time to calm down. We sat down in the first pew as always. John didn't walk up the stage and stand up there together with his siblings. I leaned into him, loving the way his fresh cologne wrapped around us.

"Do you know what Joseph has planned for us?" I whispered to him.

"There is no need to be concerned, my child." Joseph's voice breaking the silence made me gulp and grab onto John's hand for dear life, "All I want to do is welcome you to the family."

I was confused, "We've done that already, right?" I asked him.

"You are part of the Project and the flock is your family." He confirmed with a gentle smile, "But I'm talking about you and John." His eyes trailed to John who also stiffened at the sight of Joseph, "I'll welcome you to my family." He placed his hand on John's shoulder.

He walked up the stage without explaining himself, "Is he?"

John immediately responded, "I think he is."

"Like now?" I asked, staring at Joseph who was preparing to start his sermon.

John tried to make light of it all, acting like Joseph didn't make a life-changing decision for us. I knew in his eyes the father could do no wrong, but from the beginning, Joseph has been controlling our lives and he was still doing it.

"Well, darling, we are sinning."

I smiled at him, "Well, John, you've been sinning with a lot of women." I scanned the church, watching the room getting filled completely, "You were sinning with a woman quite recently. You know, before I came into the picture."

"Is sinning the new word for fucking?" Jacob asked.

He didn't even try to keep his voice down which made people around us look appalled. I wanted to laugh, the soldier was brave and bold, unlike his younger brother who looked kind of scared right now. John glared at me.

"Gabriella is taking advantage of her situation, she should remind herself that she'll heal up eventually. That is, in fact, a threat my dear future wife."

Jacob glanced from John to me and then gestured between us, "I don't want to get involved in whatever is going on right now." He let us know and then headed up the stage.

We made the soldier feel awkward around us, no doubt those around us were feeling the same way. John and I pulled away from each other, sitting up straight in the pew. Things between us were always so intense. It was how we got into this messy situation in the first place. We just needed to cool down. Joseph started his preaching, it was the usual religious rambling like always. Always telling us about the collapse approaching and preparing for it. I didn't quite understand what the collapse was. All I knew is that they expected us to live in the bunker for seven years. I glanced at John, wondering how that would work out. I heard rumors of people already living in his bunker. When I was sleeping in one of the cells I did hear the pleading voices of other people. I just never saw them. John probably made sure of it. While at the veteran center Jacob didn't try to conceal what he was doing. He wasn't ashamed of it. I think the fact that John tried to hide it from me said a lot. Without looking at me John gently grabbed my face and made me look at the father, he then pulled away.

"Pay attention." He whispered.

I always got lost in my own thoughts, I was aware of that. John didn't seem to mind before. Focusing on the father my cheeks heated up when I noticed he stared right back at me. When we locked eyes a subtle smile spread across his face, he tore his gaze away and started talking to his followers again.

John scooted close to me, reaching for my hand to hold it gently in his, "You got caught." He whispered to me, his voice light and teasing.

"Shut up," I whispered back.

He clenched my hand, making me sit up straighter.

"Welcoming others to our family can only succeed by opening our hearts to love. My brother John has opened his heart to love and found a woman who helps him grow stronger not only as your loving Herald but also as your Baptist. Uniting these two in marriage will be an honor."

I was glad he didn't mention the loss of our baby, I wouldn't be able to handle it. I was also quite relieved we weren't called up there with him to get married right away. I needed more time to prepare myself mentally.

"Next Sunday there will be no sermon, we will be celebrating their marriage instead."

John and I shared a look. The father wasted no time but at least we had a week to prepare. John's hand around mine became sweaty, now that it was official he didn't seem as confident as before. The father needed to finish his preaching so John and I could leave. Both of us had enough and needed some alone time. The minute the father did end his preaching John got to his feet and pulled me up as well. His touch was gentle yet the look in his eyes was cold and distant.

"Brother John." Faith's sweet voice made us stop in our tracks, facing the woman who called herself their little sister, "May I come over soon?" She asked, "The father asked of me to help prepare for your wedding." She informed him quietly, "I'd like to discuss the details with you if you don't mind."

Her words were cautious, spoken in a sweet quiet voice. It was like she was afraid of John. John never spoke highly of Faith, but he never quite said he disliked her either. Faith could tell John wasn't impressed by her though. It showed in the way she spoke to him and the way she looked at him. John's eyes flickered to Joseph who was talking to members of his flock. He didn't want to turn this woman down because Joseph wouldn't like it. Forcing that charming smile on his face, John placed his hand on my back and quietly answered Faith.

"Of course you can come over."

It sounded forced and unlike him.

Faith giggled, "Does tomorrow afternoon work for you? We only have a few days left so I want to get together as soon as possible."

"Sure."

Faith reached for his free hand and gently held it in both of hers, "I'm happy for you." She whispered and then pulled away, heading back to Joseph's side.

Her posture changed, she didn't look at ease standing there. She tried to hide it with a soft smile, it fooled everyone except those close to her. John wrapped his arm around my waist and spun us around, heading for the double doors without looking back. He didn't say goodbye to his brothers nor did give anyone his attention. The Baptist helped me climb into his pickup and then walked around the hood. When he was about to climb into the driver's seat, Joseph stopped him. That man moved quiet and fast much like a predator. Being nosy I pulled the window down just a bit so I could hear their conversation. Luckily they didn't seem to notice.

"John." Joseph stepped to his younger brother and placed his hands on John's shoulder, "I know you're in pain. I know how much it hurts losing a child. But you must remind yourself that good things will be awaiting you in the near future. You are loved and you have loved. The Lord sees it all and he will be righteous to those who deserve it."

I've read the book of Joseph so many times yet I couldn't recall him mentioning a child. There was a lot of praise for John's ability to wear a mask without much effort. It praised Jacob for his military skills but never did it mention Joseph's loss. It made me wonder if he was manipulating his younger brother. I held my breath when John leaned in, crying silently while Joseph held him. It was too much, I couldn't look at them because it broke my heart. John never shared with me how much this miscarriage affected him. Now I realized he was just trying to be strong for me. Putting on a mask to guide me through this difficult time while he suffered inside. Eventually, Joseph pulled away, his eyes trailing to me. He flashed me his warm smile.

"You two should spend some time together." He stepped back, "Your sister will help you with the preparations for the wedding. Let her help you, it's okay to lean onto others when you're going through a difficult time."

John nodded. He then climbed into the pickup, his eyes meeting mine, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I told him, "You needed some time with your brother."

John started the car, songs from the Peggie station softly playing in the background while we were heading to the ranch.

"Joseph had a child?" I asked.

I knew that gave away I listened to their conversation but I wanted to know.

John glanced at me, "Excuse me?" He looked utterly confused by my question.

"The father mentioned he knows the pain of losing a child. I didn't know he had a child, it was never mentioned in the book of Joseph."

John's look hardened. He may or may not know the truth but he wasn't going to share it with me. His harsh look told me enough.

"We are all his children, every day Joseph goes through the pain of losing one of his children."

I would have believed it if John didn't sound so detached. He probably knew the truth but he was definitely not sharing it with me. It reminded me of the pages in the book of Joseph where the father described John trading in favors. He managed to get a lot of dirt on people in power and used it wisely. It was what helped him become a great lawyer.

"Ah, I see. Confessions are private. I apologize for being so curious. I just didn't want to consider your brother manipulating you to steer you in whatever direction he wanted."

I observed John closely, his grip on the steering wheel became so tight I feared he'd rip it apart. That didn't happen though. We reached the ranch safely. The minute he turned off the engine, John jumped out and walked around the hood with determined steps. He helped me out of the pick-up truck as well and guided me into the ranch.

"What would you like for dinner?" He asked.

He did not once look at me, he was being kind despite being angry with me. He didn't like hearing people talk that way about the father, I knew that. Yet he couldn't lose his patience with me. I was the woman who carried his child and now I was the woman he was going to marry. He refused to look at me to maintain his composure.

"I can whip up something quick." I suggested, "I'm sure you have a lot to do."

He still refused to look at me, "That would be helpful."

"Okay, I'll call you once dinner is ready."

He left the living space and headed to his office. Once he was out of sight I dared to breathe again and started going through the cupboards of his luxurious kitchen. I settled for boiling some pasta and making a tomato sauce. John had a huge collection of spices laying around in his kitchen yet they were never used. I was sure he rarely cooked for himself. Maybe he ate at the bunker or the compound. Maybe one of the Peggies cooked him dinner when he came home late. I wanted to be good to him despite things been strained between us right now. John proved he wouldn't hurt me. Couples argued we could move past it and be ourselves again. I wanted to believe that.


	15. Concerns

**Chapter fifteen – Concerns**

* * *

John and I fell into a routine. In the morning he'd work as the lawyer of the Project. In the afternoon he'd leave the ranch to check on his outposts, talking to his followers to get as much information on his region as possible. John liked to be on top of things. In the evening he'd either Baptize people or spend time in his torture room at John's Gate. He didn't take me with him in the evening, he wanted me to stay safe and sound at the ranch. I didn't mind though. The ranch had everything I needed. If it didn't John would make sure I would get what I needed. It only took us a few days to get used to each other's presence like this. We both knew this would be our routine from now on. Our relationship revolved around John being the Baptist and he expected of me to adapt to it. I did it much easier than he probably assumed.

"The dress is quite conservative."

Faith and I were seated on John's bed in the bedroom we now shared. I was showing her the dress John and I picked out together. It was a long white empire dress with a flowy skirt. The sleeves made out of lace. It had a silk bow around the waist, giving the dress some shape. It wasn't over the top which I assumed Faith thought the dress would be. It described John so well after all. He was an over the top kind of man.

"John preferred this dress," I explained.

Faith trailed her eyes over the dress, "Why?"

I put the dress back in the walk-in closet which mostly consisted of a huge collection of shirts and vests in John's taste. I owned a little section of the closet. As I observed it I couldn't help but smile. I joined Faith in the bedroom and sat down beside her.

"He's been like that ever since I lost the baby."

Faith then nodded in understanding, "I see, he thinks it was his punishment."

"He doesn't want to disappoint Joseph."

Faith glanced over her shoulder, she looked paranoid of someone walking in. When she was certain we were alone she spoke up.

"We should follow Joseph." She quietly said, it almost sounded like she was scared, "But this was his child and the woman he cared for. It was in his right to make a decision about your wellbeing. Brother Jacob is our protector. John's reasoning wasn't wrong. The father himself believes that Jacob can protect us from all evil. What happened to you was nobody's fault. Sometimes bad things just happen to us."

I knew why Faith kept her voice down and looked kind of paranoid. She was referred to as the voice of the Project. She was supposed to follow Joseph's word blindly. The fire in her eyes told me otherwise though. Maybe the girl she was before she became Faith peeked through.

"John thinks this happened because he didn't do as the father told him."

Faith closed her eyes, it looked as if she was in pain. When she opened her eyes again she smiled brightly at me. The girl who peeked through for a minute was gone now. She fell back to being this character which Joseph had created. She showed me enough though.

"The father has seen a future where you two grow old together. Having raised a family of your own." A soft laugh followed, her hand placed upon mine, "Sunday you'll be united by the father and you'll work on that future together with Brother John."

"Faith."

She got to her feet and greeted John with a smile, "Brother John."

It was a good thing Faith was cautious of her surroundings because she caught John sneaking in. Maybe he didn't sneak in but his steps were so quiet I didn't hear him come home. It was almost terrifying how well the woman before me played this character so well. Her words always loving when she referred to Joseph.

"Are you staying for dinner?" He asked, shrugging off his beloved jacket and tossing it on the bed beside me.

She glanced at me, "I'm actually staying the night." She then looked at John again and quickly added, "If you don't mind, of course."

"Of course you can stay." He rolled his sleeves up, showing the ink I loved looking at, "I'm staying home tonight so I'll take care of dinner." He told me "You can stay up here with Faith. I'm sure you want to catch up." He grabbed his jacket and walked into the closet to put it away.

When he left the bedroom and closed the door behind him Faith sat down beside me again, her shoulders slumping in relief.

"So the preparations are finished?" I asked, referring to the wedding so the tension between us didn't linger.

"Yes, it's going to be a beautiful ceremony. Brother John pulled it all together without much effort."

"John does know how to throw a party."

She knew I was referring to what I read about the man in the book of Joseph. It wasn't to judge him though, it didn't matter what kind of man he was before I met him. I still fell for him despite him drugging me the first week I was in their grasp and the physical torture. There were little things about his personality which attracted me. A lot of people would probably question my sanity for it.

Faith stood up, "Should we join him?" She asked, "I didn't know brother John could cook a proper meal, I'm curious."

Smiling I got to my feet and followed her out of the room. I think there was a lot she didn't know about Jacob or John. They both made it clear they didn't consider Faith as their younger sister. John sometimes let it slip that he didn't even respect her. Jacob just ignored her. Probably only paying attention to her when Joseph asked. Faith made her way into the kitchen, standing quite a distance away from John who was cutting up some fresh vegetables.

"Need some help?" I asked John, walking past Faith to approach him.

"I'm good." He leaned in pressing his lips against my temple.

John didn't want our help and I wouldn't push him so I turned to Faith, "Want some tea."

"That'd be lovely."

Making us some tea we sat on the living room couch in front of the fireplace. Sipping our tea we talked about Joseph's plans for next Sunday. He never canceled a sermon so it was quite a big deal he did in order to celebrate. A pause on his rambling about the end of the world and what his flock needed to do in order to survive. People were talking, the news also reaching people outside Eden's Gate. It worried Faith. John who heard our conversation never once reacted. He did look annoyed when I shot him a glance. He looked tense, his fists clenching and unclenching. When he noticed I observed him from a distance he put up a smile so bright it could blind you. He didn't want me to know. If Faith was worried about the news reaching outsiders it had me worried too. I was the one who betrayed those people from the resistance. If they wanted revenge the wedding would provide them with the perfect opportunity to kill a Seed or two. Now I was worried too.

* * *

John let me get ready for bed first, his eyes followed me everywhere. The intense look in his blue eyes making me anxious. I could tell he wanted to talk to me, but he never spoke up. The hostility radiating off him ever since Faith went to the guest room to retire was scaring me. I tried not to let it show though. After my shower I dressed in an oversized grey tee, not wearing any pants. I crawled into bed and stared into the blue eyes of my future husband. John brushed his fingers gently through my hair and then gripped it, hurting me a little.

"Do you remember what I've told you?" He asked me quietly.

I shook my head, not knowing what he was referring to.

"She might play nice but don't trust her." He warned me.

I did remember him telling me that before. So far Faith hadn't done anything to hurt me. If anything she was quite nice. Showing me a side of her not a lot of people probably saw. She was also the only female friend I had around here. It was nice having her around. I didn't want to upset John though. So I nodded, giving him what he wanted.

"I remember," I whispered back.

He loosened his fingers around my hair and trailed them down my arm, "Good." He then leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to my lips, "Well, it's my turn to get ready for bed. Joseph wants me to give Faith a ride." He sighed, "So I'm heading out early."

"Can I come?" I asked.

He narrowed his eyes at me, "You're safe here." He told me, "Just stay at the ranch and wait for me to come home."

"So it's not safe out there?" I asked, "The wrong kind of people did hear about our wedding?"

"That is not something for you to concern yourself with." He quickly stopped me from interfering with something he obviously didn't want to discuss with me. The cold look in his eyes and the clench of his jaw said that much, "Jacob is taking care of it."

He rolled out of bed and started to unbutton his shirt, heading to the ensuite. That conversation was over and done with. John wouldn't answer more questions. If I'd push him he'd probably lose his shit. Until now he managed to control his anger. He didn't have one of his outburst and he did speak quietly to me even when annoyed. John made it sound like he trusted Jacob completely. He didn't sound worried. I knew Jacob was capable, he'd protect his family with everything he had. If there was something going on no doubt Jacob had a tight control over the situation. I rolled to my side and started to drift off. I blinked when I felt John crawl in beside me. He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me closer. He brushed his lips against my neck, murmuring into my skin.

"This is killing me." He breathed, "You're so close and yet there is nothing I can do about this."

I felt his erection press against my bum, it made me feel bad for him. Rolling over I pressed my lips against his jaw and trailed my hand down his stomach, hearing his breathing pick up. I slipped my hand in his joggers and gently brushed my fingers over his painfully hard erection. Gripping him through his silk boxers John leaned in and kissed me roughly. He muffled his own sounds of pleasure as I pushed my hand in his boxers and pleasured him. It made me feel powerful hearing his muffled sounds, letting me know he enjoyed my touch. I didn't want to tease him, I gave him the release he needed and had to hold back my laughter when he fawned over me to get cleaned up. When we settled in bed again John was more relaxed. My back pressed against his front while his arm was around my waist. His touch gentle. After a few minutes of cuddling his breathing deepened, letting me know he drifted off. Placing my hand over his I also closed my eyes, slipping into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

John got up early to give Faith a ride to her bunker. The woman said her goodbyes and then got into John's pickup. My future husband wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me close to him. His lips pressed against my temple.

"Stay inside and be a good girl." He warned me.

"I will," I promised him.

He chuckled, pulling away from me, "I'll know when you're up to no good."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "I'm not going to do anything which will upset you."

It was like he wanted me to break his rules so he could get upset with me. Not wanting to think too much of it pulled away from him, wrapped my arms around me and watched him head to his truck to get behind the wheel. That would be one awkward ride. I wanted to tag along, knowing Faith would appreciate it. John just didn't want to take any risks when it came to me. Security at the ranch was doubled, Jacob sent two of his chosen to take the lead. Heading inside the ranch I busied myself with getting some cleaning done. There wasn't much I could do around here so I'd make the ranch sparkle. Maybe when John came back he'd praise me and make me feel like I wasn't wasting my life away here.


	16. Envy

**Chapter sixteen – Envy**

* * *

Saturday evening the Seed siblings came over to the ranch. Jacob stood at the head of the dining table, arms folded across his chest while he went over the wedding from beginning to end. He didn't want any surprises. He was informing them and giving orders without blinking an eye. It amazed me how indifferent he looked and how stern he sounded. He wanted to keep them safe so they needed to do as told. Joseph's flock wanted to give their blessing to their Baptist so a lot of people were going to pay a quick visit. He didn't like it. Not only did they need to keep their regions safe they also needed a lot of manpower at Joseph's compound. I wanted to suggest not going through with the wedding because it felt to me like it was becoming a big deal, but that meant going against the father's will. No one wanted that. So I kept quiet and refilled everyone's glass and focused on cleaning the table. Faith got to her feet, helping me clean up. We shared a look when I walked past John to head into the kitchen he gave my side a sharp pinch. He always reminded me not to become close to Faith. Holding back a squeal I entered the kitchen, ready to start the dishes. Faith stood beside me, her eyes focused on the Seed brothers at the dining table. Ever since John gave the woman a ride back to her bunker she barely talked to me. She did talk, but she kept it short and never let her guard down around me again. I knew he said something to her. I wouldn't be surprised if the Baptist threatened her despite knowing she was Joseph's favorite.

"How many times do I need to repeat it?" John's voice trailed into the kitchen.

My future husband sounded annoyed, glancing over my shoulder I noticed how Jacob didn't even flinch at the harsh tone of his young brother.

"As many times it's necessary for it to become routine, Johnny."

John growled, "Don't call me that."

Joseph stepped in, "Just do as Jacob says, he knows what he's doing."

John huffed, "Fine." He still sounded angry but repeated after his older brother anyway.

Faith grabbed the dish towel from me when I was about to start drying the dishes I just washed and rinsed. She smiled at me.

"Let me."

I turned around and nearly ran into Joseph. I was so glad the man wore a shirt today, it would have become so awkward if I ran into his naked upper body. His eyes trailed from Faith to me. I had a feeling she suggested drying the dishes because she noticed Joseph heading our way. He held his hands out to me, not wanting to be rude I quickly grabbed onto his hands.

"I want to talk to you." He showed me a gentle smile, it never quite reached his eyes behind his yellow glasses. I couldn't refuse though, "Let's head outside, get some fresh air."

He let go of my hands and gestured for me to walk ahead. I did as told and walked past an annoyed looking John and an indifferent looking Jacob. John kept repeating what he needed to do in whatever scenario Jacob came up with. From kidnapping to a bombing on our wedding day. Every scenario he came up with frightened me even more. I felt their eyes on me but neither one of them spoke up. Joseph and I stepped out of the ranch. The night was cool but it wasn't unbearable. I wrapped my arms around myself and watched the father carefully.

"Things are going well between you two." The father looked at me as he spoke quietly, "It reassures me to see you loving John. He might not be ready to accept it yet but I know he will get there." He placed his hands on my shoulders, "I've seen people give into John without him having to use violence. I've seen them bend to his will with him only looking at them. He has a gift but he abuses it by giving into his sins. You will go through hardships and your love for him will get tested. But give him time. I know he'll let you love him and I know a future filled with happiness awaits you two"

I expected Joseph to give me some kind of warning wrapped around in a bow of kind words but he was actually being kind. His words full of love toward his younger brother. It caught me by surprise. Joseph must have noticed it because he softly laughed.

"I know that you are lost. You feel guilty for betraying those you were supposed to help when coming to Hope County. It's why you decided to make things difficult for Jacob who promised John you'd be safe with him. John always admired Jacob, looking up at him with hopeful eyes as a child. You made him question his role as our Baptist, rethink his way of living."

"It's not my intention to distance John from his family or from his role in the Project. I think he needs you around to keep grounded. I also think that he can do a lot of good when he doesn't lose his patience."

Joseph placed his hand on my shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze, "That now includes you too."

The creaking of floorboards made Joseph and I stare at the front door which was pushed open. John stood in the doorway, watching us with careful eyes.

"Did you finish your exercises with Jacob?" Joseph asked calmly, pulling away from me to walk over to his younger brother.

"Yes, Joseph." He answered like an obedient child, "Jacob wants to go through them with Gabriella now." He trailed his eyes to me, the docile look replaced with something harsh and cold, "Don't keep the man waiting for too long now, darling."

I walked up to John, brushing my fingers over his arm in an attempt to see those blue eyes of his soften. They didn't lose the harsh look in them. I clenched my jaw when he wrapped his hand around my wrist tightly. I glanced at the door but Joseph was no longer there. He gave us some privacy but I wasn't sure if I wanted that when John looked angry with me.

"What were you two doing out here?" He asked, his voice quiet and gentle yet the squeeze on my wrist told me he was indeed angry.

"I don't understand." I whispered, not wanting his siblings to hear our conversation, "I was just having a conversation with the father."

"That close?" He asked.

I placed my hand on his exposed skin, his heat flowing through my body. He didn't expect me to touch him so casually, he looked surprised. I glanced at his carving in his chest, his bunker key dangling right below my hand.

"You know the father always talks to his children like that." I whispered, "You know that John." I felt him relax under my touch, I trailed my eyes up and held his now softened gaze, "I am marrying you, John Seed." He let go of my wrist which gave me the opportunity to wrap my arms around his waist and lean in close, "And if the father is right we'll be having a family of our own soon."

He breathed out a laugh, his arms wrapping around me and holding me tight to him. He brushed his lips over my hair and let go, "Go see Jacob." He whispered.

I walked past him, gasping when I felt a slap on my rear. That did not just happen! Not when the father was around. Glancing over my shoulder I met John's teasing look. That definitely did happen. My cheeks heating I escaped inside the ranch, kicking the door closed behind me. The bang of the door closing echoed through the spacious living room making Faith and Joseph look at me. They were seated on the couch, both of them throwing me curious looks. Apologizing, I made my way to the dining table. Jacob was seated at the head of the table, fiddling around with his radio. I took a seat at his right. He placed his radio on the table and looked at me.

"Let's do this kitten."

We heard a cough coming from the living room, Jacob leaned back in his chair and pointed at his younger brother, "Don't make me get up from my chair." He warned his little brother.

I tried to hide my laugh with a cough, watching John take a seat beside Joseph and quieting down. Staying at veteran center and having Jacob teach me all these new skills like handling a sniper rifle made me aware of how he liked to do things. He liked efficiency. Instructing his soldiers in a calm manner yet his words were firm. He never left room for arguments either which is probably why John clashed with him. John was a talker, he liked to discuss things. Going through simple routines wasn't supposed to take hours but John managed to take up a lot of Jacob's time. The elder Seed was tired and probably wanted to retreat back to the mountains. But then the next day he had to get up bright and early again to deal with us some more. He had it rough.

"I'm ready." I let Jacob know.

After going through the routines and pleasing Jacob by repeating everything without effort made the elder Seed sigh in relief and get up from his chair. He sauntered over to his little brother and pointed at me.

"That's how it's supposed to go, Johnny."

I smiled at my future husband, "Don't worry, if something happens I'll save you."

John narrowed his eyes at me, "Is that pride I'm hearing?" He asked.

I glared at him, "No, that's me stating a fact. Or did you forget that I used to be a marshal? I do have some combat skills, you know. Jacob also thought me how to handle a rifle and a bow. So if we get stranded we can probably survive for a few days, the least."

"You'll survive," Jacob told me.

The fact that he faced me and turned his back to John made a statement. We all knew what the soldier thought of John in that scenario. I covered my mouth with my hand, trying to hide my amusement. Faith wasn't so lucky to hide her giggle. Her sudden gentle laughter made all eyes trail to her. She lowered her head, clearing her throat and trying to hide behind her hair.

"I think it's time you all leave."

My eyes widened hearing the change in John's voice. Did he suddenly have an accent? I tried to analyze him but he gave me no time. He was up to his feet, ignoring the amused look of Jacob while Joseph merely shook his head at the man who was showing a rather childish side to him.

"It's will be a long day tomorrow." Joseph stepped into John's space, I gave him a look because it was exactly what the father had done to me, "Get some rest, brother." He gave John an affectionate pat on the head and headed to the door.

Faith looked at me, "I'll see you tomorrow morning."

She offered to do my hair at Joseph's compound, I expected since it would make things easier for me. John had expectations though. He already shared with Faith how my hair was supposed to look like in my white dress. A half braid with soft curls and flowers, he gave Faith tons of pictures to review. It was admirable how much of a control freak the man was when it came to organizing the perfect party. In this case, the perfect cult wedding.

"See you tomorrow." I waved at her.

She followed after Joseph, both of them waiting for Jacob who'd drive them to Joseph's compound. Jacob lingered which confused me. He stepped to his younger brother, towering over him. John did look a bit taken back by Jacob being in his space like that.

"You have someone besides yourself to take care of, remind yourself of that before you make rash decisions. One wrong move and it's over."

John did not look pleased getting preached at by his older brother, Jacob ignored it. The soldier didn't wait for John to speak up and strolled out, leading the way to his truck. I walked to the door to close it and turned to look at my future husband. He looked pissed, he needed a minute to control himself.

"I'm going to get ready for bed."

"Wait," John growled.

I stopped in my tracks, not being able to escape his anger. He held his hand out to me.

"Come here." He ordered.

I stepped to him without hesitation. He placed his hand on the back of my head and laced his fingers in my hair. It hurt a little but he gave me no time to focus on that. He tilted my head back so I could look into those cold blue eyes.

"I don't want you to get close to them."

"To your brothers?" I asked confused, "John, we've been over this like a second ago."

He tightened his grip on my hair, "Just say that you won't get close to them."

Tears pricked behind my eyes due to his grip on my hair. I didn't want to cry in front of him, I wasn't filled with sadness. It was anger I felt for him thinking I'd go there. From the start, it had been him alone. His brothers never showed interest in me in that way and I was sure I never showed interest in them in that way. Joseph was being kind because he believed I was some kind of miracle sent to help John find himself again. Jacob was nice to me because I was together with John. The little brother just didn't see it. Maybe Joseph was right and John was indeed fuelled by his sins. He couldn't see what was right in front of him because of his envy. Joseph also told me I needed to have patience. So despite my first instinct was to throw angry words back at him I remained calm. I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned in, brushing my lips against the corner of his mouth. I could hear the sharp inhale of breath. His grip on my hair loosened.

"Listen to me, John." I spoke quietly, "Your brothers are only nice to me because I am marrying you. They've said that much to me." I tried to reassure him by speaking calmly, making sure to keep all anger locked up in a box, "It will only ever be you, okay?"

He sighed, closing his eyes while he pressed his forehead against mine. He looked lost. I closed my eyes as well, feeling John relax before me.

"I hate that he calls you kitten." He spat the words out like it was some curse word which someone dared to shout in Joseph's little white church.

"It's more an insult than a show of affection." I told him, "He means nothing by it."

John slightly pulled away from me, his hands cupping my face, "I know that." Those words almost sounded painful coming from him, "But you're mine. I don't like it when seeing you close to someone else."

I smiled, "Even though they're your brothers and might come over here for dinner occasionally?"

He groaned, "Then we never invite them over for dinner?"

"John." I sighed, "They're your brothers and you know you'll miss them if they're not around."

He rolled his eyes, staring at the ceiling, "Fine, but do we have to invite her along as well?"

"Faith?"

I didn't hate having her around but clearly, John didn't like her company that much. I think I'd never quite understand why he didn't like his adoptive sister that much. We never get to spend time together because not only John but Joseph also made sure we were never too long in one room together. I didn't know what they were so scared of but clearly, they thought something bad would happen if Faith and I got close. So there was always someone around to keep an eye on us. It was creepy and they thought we didn't notice. But we did.

"Do you think Joseph will allow you to exclude your little sister?"

He clenched his jaw, "She's not my sister." He muttered and then let go of me. He gestured to the stairs, "Go get ready for bed. We have a big day tomorrow."

"You coming to bed as well?" I asked.

"I'll be there in a minute."

I headed upstairs and walked straight to our shared bedroom. I got ready for bed, taking a quick shower, brushing my teeth and slipping on one of John's shirt. The fabric was gentle to the touch and so comfy to sleep in. He had so many options to choose from in his walk-in that it didn't matter if I borrowed one shirt. That damn blue silk shirt seemed to be his favorite shirt, he liked to wear it often. Always showing off his crossed out sin. Crawling into bed I rolled to my side, closing my eyes. I listened to John moving around. He took some time in the bathroom and then joined me in bed, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me close. Once he settled behind me I drifted off.


	17. Charade of a Wedding

**Chapter seventeen – Charade of a Wedding**

* * *

John woke me up at the crack of dawn, I didn't feel rested. I felt like I could use another four hours of sleep or so but it wasn't allowed. The look he gave me said enough. The Baptist used the shower first, taking his sweet time in our ensuite which gave me time to find my brain and wake the fuck up. When he finally stepped out of the bathroom he looked perfect, the fresh scent following him intoxicating me. I rolled out of bed and freshened up too. I didn't take as long as John which said a lot since I washed my hair, shaved almost all parts of my body and scrubbed away at my body with a grapefruit scented body scrub which cost so much I stared at John for spending way too much money on products like that. He didn't care though so I just needed to forget about the price tag on some of the things he shipped over to Hope County. I blow dried my hair and walked out of the bathroom in only a towel. John had laid out my outfit for the day, it wasn't my wedding dress. We'd take our outfits with us to Joseph's compound. I didn't think it was necessary to look my best when I'd just get dressed at the compound and my face must have said so because John narrowed his clear blue eyes at me.

"There are always people around, my wife should look her best no matter the time and place."

That was most definitely _**pride**_.

I wanted to say it so bad but I held my tongue. I came to realize that even though I was becoming his wife John would also lose his temper with me. The only way I could make him calm down was either mentioning my miscarriage or being gentle with him. At this point, I didn't want to mention the loss of that pregnancy again. I wanted to move forward from that. So being patient and gentle with John was my only option.

"I'll get dressed then."

His lips curled up to a grin, "Good, meet me downstairs when you're done. We need to head out soon." He grabbed the black and white sleeves which held our clothes for the wedding ceremony. He left the bedroom whistling Jacob's favorite song 'Only You'.

I couldn't contain my laughter, holding my towel tighter to my body when John glanced over his shoulder, the grin fading from his handsome face.

"Do share with me what has you crying with laughter, my dear wife."

I grinned at him, "I'm not your wife yet."

"It's a matter of hours." He reminded me.

"Anything could happen in a few hours, John."

He pointed at me, ready to probably threaten me for even mentioning it. I had no intention of running, I accepted my fate. The fact that today was a good day for Eden's Gate didn't mean that others were feeling the same way about today. Some resistance member might show up, wanting to get even with the Seed family. I wouldn't hold it against them. A lot of people were driven by revenge. If I had some fight left in me I would have probably held it against John for ignoring me when I stayed at the Veteran Center. He might have had his reasons at the time, I couldn't magically stop feeling hurt though. The human mind didn't work that way. Before John could start with the threats I interrupted him.

"I didn't mean it like that." I explained, "There is always the possibility that you know, something will happen."

"Jacob will never let that happen."

I raised an eyebrow at him, "Jacob is skilled, I won't disagree with that. But he's only one man. It's why he went over those scenarios with us. You better remember them well."

"Do you know who you are talking to, sweetheart?" He asked, "Instead of stalling time just get dressed. We have a lot to do today."

He left the room, giving me some privacy to get dressed. I threw on my outfit which consisted of a pair of nice fitting jeans and a blue button up shirt which oddly enough matched John's quite well. I tucked one of the front tails into my pants and left the first two buttons unbuttoned. Letting my hair down I left the room and met up with John in the living room. He was seated on the big couch and raised to his feet immediately when he spotted me.

"Ah, you look absolutely stunning."

I smirked at him, "Why does this outfit look so familiar to me?"

The gleam in his eyes told me he knew exactly what he did, but he didn't own up to it.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I could hear the smile in his voice so I knew he was messing with me, "Now, let us head to the compound." He held his hand out to me.

Taking it, he tightly held onto my hand and led me to an awaiting pick-up truck. It was a standard white Eden's Gate pickup. John wasn't driving himself. Chosen soldiers were seated in the front, guiding us to Joseph's compound. Those men with red masks always scared me despite me living with them for a week or so at the center. I knew what they were capable of, knew the kind of training they went through. I joked with Jacob about me joining his army, but we both knew I wasn't strong enough to actually go through with it. I might have the skills, I didn't have the determination. He'd need to break me and put me back together but as John's wife, that wasn't going to happen. I glanced at my future husband, taking him in. He kept bouncing his leg, his lips pressed to a tight line. I noticed he clenched his fist, it rested on his thighs. He had placed our clothes protected by their sleeves between us. The ride was awkward because John was retreating in his head, I had no idea why he suddenly became so quiet. I wasn't used to it. Faith's song was playing on Eden's Gate station which made me ask if the Chosen soldier in front of me could turn up the volume. He did as asked, the sound filling the car.

* * *

The minute I climbed out of the car Faith approached me with a soft smile playing on the lips. She turned to her brother first, grabbing his hands and holding on. She looked gentle despite John's annoyed look.

"You must be concerned about today, brother." I noticed how John's look softened, "We're here to help out, just ask. We'll do whatever we can to help." She assured him, she then let go and looked at me, "Ready to get changed?"

I scanned the compound, noticing the filming equipment being set up. The Peggies decorating the place faded to the background, all I could see was this wedding becoming another promotional video for Eden's Gate. I glared at John but he ignored my look. He grabbed our clothes from the backseat and handed Faith the white sleeve.

"She needs to look perfect."

"She will look perfect." Faith promised him.

Without another word John left our sight, heading to Joseph's church. He was acting like a different person, distant and cold. It was like that time I spoke to him through the radio at the center. It was like he was brushing me off despite us getting married. I didn't like this feeling but Faith didn't give me time to ponder over things. She grabbed my hand and guided me to a small white cabin protected by iron gates. At one point this place must have looked beautiful, currently, it looked like a military camp. It wasn't pretty at all.

"Brother John wants things to go exactly as planned. He is seen all across the County so mistakes are not acceptable in his book when it comes to these videos."

"What happens when things don't go as planned?" I asked, following after Faith while I took in everything at the compound.

Faith's grip in on my hand tightened. She glanced over her shoulder and giggled, "He'll get disappointed." She pushed through the door of the little cabin and stepped aside to let me pass. She closed the door behind me, "It's okay, Gabriella, you can head inside."

The cabin was sparsely decorated. A small kitchen right beside the door along with a small table and two hairs. A couch was shoved by the window a coffee table placed in front of it. In the back of the cabin was a double bed pushed against the wall with a lot of stuff covering it. A chair placed in front of it and a tall mirror right in the corner. I assumed I was supposed to sit in that chair after swapping my casual clothing for my wedding dress.

"My dress?" I turned to Faith and held my hand out.

She handed me the white sleeve, "Do you want some tea?" She asked, going through the cupboards of the small kitchen to grab two cups.

She didn't wait for me to answer she was already making the tea.

"Sure, thanks," I told her, not having much of a choice.

I walked to the bed and started to undress, folding my clothes neatly and placing it on the bed. I zipped the white sleeve open and took my wedding dress out. I carefully slipped the dress on, loving the feel of the soft fabric against my skin. Faith appeared behind me and zipped my dress up for me.

"This dress actually suits you." She stepped back and watched me as I faced her, "It's made for you." She opened a bag which was placed on the bed and turned to me, "You can put your clothes in this bag."

We looked at the door when a soft knock echoed through the cabin. I put my stuff away while Faith made her way to the door and greeted John who stepped inside.

"I brought you your shoes." He held out a box, his eyes trailing me from head to toe, "You look perfect." He told me, "This shoes will finish the outfit." He stepped to me and handed me the box.

The sound of the kettle screeching made us glance at Faith who was humming while pouring boiled water into the cups. John suddenly cupped my face, making me look at him. He brushed his thumbs gently over my cheeks, the look in his eyes softening.

"You're my gift from God." He said in a gentle voice which contradicted his actions from before. This man was messing with my emotions. Always going from hot to cold, "I will cherish you, my dear." His lips curled up to a warm smile, "The father will give us his blessing, our marriage will be an example to our flock. Showing them how love is what keeps our family together."

John pressed his forehead against mine, it was something the Seed family loved to do. When he pulled away Faith approached us and handed me a cup of tea.

"Your tea." She smiled, she then glanced at her brother, "I don't think you were supposed to see your bride in her dress yet."

John stepped aside, "I couldn't stay away from my bride-to-be." He joked, his usual charming smile plastered on his face again, "I will leave you to it then."

Faith gestured to the chair, "Come, sit." She told me, "I should start on your hair, it will take some time since brother John did pick a rather detailed hairstyle."

I sipped my tea while Faith occupied herself with my hair. The tea was sweet, it tasted like the water John gave me when I was recovering from my time in the confession room. I stared at it, realizing they were drugging me. John distracted me from looking at Faith, his words didn't mean anything.

"Drink up, Gabriella. It will help you."

The woman John was seeing before me warned me not to drink it. It messes with your head she told me. I knew it did since I experienced it. Yet I couldn't refuse now. They expected me to be more susceptible to their beliefs. The tea was supposed to help with that. Letting my shoulders slump I drank the tea. Faith grabbed my shoulders, meeting my gaze in the mirror. My vision was blurred while her voice sounded far away yet so close at the same time. She was talking to me about my marriage and the visions the father had about me and John.

" _You will have faith in the father and you will have faith in his Heralds to guide you the right way. You will follow them, asking no questions. They love you and they only want what's best for you."_

"I have faith in the father," I repeated quietly.

She smiled at me, giving my shoulders a squeeze, "Now let's finish up. We shouldn't keep them waiting for us."

Faith guided me through the crowd, she handed me over to Jacob who stood before the church doors. I couldn't focus on him, he was surrounded by butterflies. They all looked pretty, he looked pretty. I reached for him, but Jacob didn't let me touch him. He grabbed my hands and tightly held onto them.

"You messed up the measurements." Jacob sounded angry, but that couldn't be right. He was so beautiful, such a gentle creature surrounded by sparkling butterflies, "How is she supposed to marry John like this?"

I giggled, "I love John."

Faith turned to look at me, "You love your family, don't you, Gabriella?" She asked in a gentle voice.

I nodded, "I do. I love them. I will have faith in them."

She smiled, placing her hand gently on my arm, "Jacob will guide you to John and you will stand before the father together. You will remain silent until the father asks you to say I do. You will be united in marriage with John and let him guide you from there on." She spoke in a quiet, calm voice. It sounded like she was singing to me. I nodded at everything she told me.

"John agreed to this?" Jacob asked, letting go of my hands and let me wrap my hands around his arm, "Hold on kitten."

I held on for dear life because Jacob asked me to.

"He did." Faith stepped back, her giggle sounding melodious, "Everything needs to be perfect."

Jacob made a sound which reminded me of the judges, it made me laugh. Jacob grabbed onto my chin and made me look at him, "It will be over soon." He promised and then let go.

He pushed through the doors of the church, guiding me to the father. John stood before him just like Faith told me. I couldn't talk anymore. I needed to be silent and stand beside John. Everything around me was blurry, I didn't see anyone else except for the Seed family. In the back of my head, I knew this wasn't right but I couldn't focus. All I could do was listen to what Faith had told me. John smiled at me when Jacob and I reached him. John took my hands in his, his beautiful face was all I could see while Jacob stood at the side together with Faith. The father started talking about love and acceptance of each other and Eden's Gate. Bright lights were surrounding us, it high lightened John and his blue eyes and handsome smile. Joseph asked the question which I needed to reply to.

"I do," I said clearly, it made John show me a full on white teethed smile.

He surprised me when he leaned in and wrapped his arms around me. He didn't kiss me, he held me to him while I heard voices in the background blessing our marriage. John then turned me to face the bright lights. I lowered my eyes, the bright lights hurting my eyes and causing my head to ache.

"We at Eden's Gate take care of our family. We love them and protect them." He raised my hand to his lips and kissed my wrist, "It is never too late to ask for forgiveness. We will welcome you with open arms. All you have to do is say 'yes'."

The bright lights faded while my headache remained.

"You should rest my dear." John quietly spoke to me, "Faith will stay with you in the cabin."

I didn't take Faith's hand, instead, I closed the distance between John and I and wrapped my arms around his waist. I could hear the sharp intake of breath, I could also feel the way his body tensed up. I rested my head against his chest and closed my eyes.

"My head hurts," I whispered.

He gently wrapped his arms around me, "It will pass." He whispered back, "Be a good girl and go with Faith. I will come for you later." He placed his hands on my shoulders and gently pulled me away from him. His thumb brushed over my lower lip, "It's okay." He assured me.

I then took Faith's hand and let her guide me through the crowd. A lot of voices were heard but I saw no one. Everything blurred together. All I could hear was Faith's giggle and her gentle praises. We walked back to the cabin and the minute we entered I kicked off my shoes and swayed as I approached the bed. I laid down, closing my eyes. My head was spinning, it felt like I was falling faster and faster. When I hit the ground I lost consciousness.


	18. Dutiful Husband

**Chapter eighteen – Dutiful Husband**

* * *

I think John never expected the first day of married life to turn out the way it did. Two armed followers entered the ranch, looking between their Herald and me. I was holding up a pan, threatening John with it. I already threw a knife and a plate at him. He dodged both of them which made me even angrier.

"How could you?" I asked him, holding the pan up ready to strike.

He trailed his eyes to the armed followers, "Leave us." He ordered.

Clearly, he didn't want any witnesses when we discussed our wedding. An event in my life which was supposed to be a beautiful moment yet I couldn't remember any of it. All because of this man and the bliss he made me drink.

"Now." John threatened when the armed followers hadn't moved.

"Brother John-"

John threw them a look, at first he looked ready to tear them apart with his bare hands. His glare, however, faded completely as snow before the sun. A charming smile spread across his stupidly handsome face instead.

"This is just a little argument between husband and wife. My wife's wrath will simmer down soon enough." He explained, "Then she'll need to confess and atone and we do that in private, don't we?"

They left as quickly as they entered, not wanting to get on John's bad side. His charming smile fooled no one. His followers didn't look at him with respect. I recognized the look in their eyes. It's how I looked at Jacob whenever he got in my space. He wouldn't hurt me, but his presence was threatening all the same. I swallowed when I realized John was approaching me. All humor left his blue eyes.

"Stay back!" I warned him.

He grabbed my wrist, squeezing it while he glared down at me, "You drank it all on your own. I didn't force you to do anything you didn't want."

"You gave me no choice!" I dropped the pan which clattered right beside our feet, "You distracted me when Faith made the tea and when I drank it I knew it's what you wanted. What was I supposed to do?"

"Obey." His iron grip on my wrist made me scream out in pain, I felt like he'd break it any second now, "You obey, that's what you do."

I wanted to kick him in his sensitive place again but he saw it coming. He let go of my wrist and stepped back, laughing at me as if he lost his damn mind. I stepped back, scared of his sudden change in mood. I noticed he did it often. One minute he was all threatening and scary not quite as threatening as Jacob but he was up there. The next minute he was showing me insanity. To the point, I wanted to run from him because he became unpredictable. Joseph told me to be patient with him though. So I stayed where I was despite fear gripping me.

"John."

John and I both froze hearing Joseph's voice echoing through the room. I looked around my heart racing. The man wasn't around though. John reached for the radio strapped to his side, the crackling of his radio making my cheeks heat up. I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't even realize Joseph's voice sounded a lot deeper.

"Brother," John replied calmly. He eyed me, the dark look in his blue eyes keeping me frozen to the spot.

"I got a concern call from one of your followers." Joseph started.

That was my cue to leave. I didn't want to be around John when his older brother preached to him. It might take minutes or hours. Joseph loved preaching. I honestly liked listening to John preach a lot more, he had more character, but to each their own. I was about to pass my husband when his hand reached out and grabbed my wrist, keeping me in place.

"We just had a little argument, nothing to be worried about," John replied.

"Don't let your sins ruin this, John," Joseph warned him in a quiet voice.

I stared at my husband, noticing how quiet he became. His grip on me loosened while the fire burning in his blue eyes faded. Joseph could turn this unpredictable man into a trembling mess. Instead of pulling away which I originally wanted to do I wrapped an arm around his waist and leaned in. I tried to comfort him with my warmth while I reached for the radio he was holding. He let me take it, lost in his thoughts. I pushed the button and reassured Joseph, hoping it would settle the concerns within John.

"Father," I called quietly.

"Child, is everything okay?"

Joseph didn't sound concerned, he sounded suspicious. I leaned more into John and was relieved when he wrapped his arms around me and held me. The tension we both felt settled.

"Everything is fine." I answered quickly, "We just had an argument." I confirmed what John had told him. "I'm sorry you got dragged into this. It won't happen again." I promised.

I closed my eyes when I felt John's lips brush my hair. He was a lot calmer now, it filled me with pride that I was able to calm him down by simply holding him and taking his side. It confused me as to why Joseph scared my husband so much but I was certain he'd never tell me. My eyes trailed to the carved out words which he displayed with pride. I couldn't help but wonder if Joseph was the one who put those words on him. Sloth was scratched out. Didn't that mean he overcame his sin? John grabbed the radio and held it up to his lips.

"I apologize for the inconvenience, brother. Gabriella and I are fine. I will reassure my followers. Like my wife said, it won't happen again."

John clasped the radio back on his belt. He cupped my face in his hands and leaned in, surprising me with a needy kiss. His lips bruised mine, coaxing me into opening my mouth. I couldn't do much but relent. I held onto his sides, opening my mouth and letting him take control. He pushed his tongue in my mouth, kissing me deep and wet. He started moving, guiding us to the couch. I gasped when he pushed me down on the couch, hovering over me with hungry looking eyes. He was going to devour me. We hadn't done this after I lost the baby. I was fine now, my body has healed completely after it. But I wasn't sure if it was okay to happen on his couch. His followers proved that they could enter at any time. I didn't want to be seen in that position. I placed my hands against his firm chest and slightly pushed him away.

"I can't," I whispered. His face dropped which made me regret my choice of words, "Not here."

He leaned his head against my shoulder, chuckling, "You're right, darling."

I wrapped my arms around him and just held him close, the fresh scent of his cologne wrapping around us. He stayed in my arms, getting comfortable on top of me. I gently ran my fingers through his hair, carefully taking off the blue shades and tossing it on the armchair beside us. John let out a sigh, closing his eyes while we just laid there on the couch. Eventually, his breathing got deeper, his body felt heavier too. He fell asleep on top of me which made it hard for me to breathe. I wiggled around until I felt more comfortable with this heavy man on top of me. It surprised me that my wiggling didn't wake him. He must be exhausted. I quietly hummed 'only you' to him while softly running my fingers through his hair. He was calm, napping away while the mess in the kitchen was completely forgotten.

* * *

I woke up by the sound of loud cursing along with cluttering of kitchenware. My vision slowly got clear while I sat up on the couch. The fire was crackling away in the fireplace, bathing the living area in warm lighting. It was the only light in the living area. It felt comforting, keeping my body warm. I trailed my eyes to the kitchen. The bright light bleeding into the living area hurting my eyes. I jumped hearing yet another curse from my husband. Getting to my feet I ran my fingers through my hair to fix it while walking into the kitchen.

"John?"

My husband turned around, showing me the object of his loud curses.

I smiled, "Did you get hurt?" I asked.

He grumbled, "I figured it out eventually." He told me, placing the baking tray on the table, "These are not very appealing to the eyes, are they?" He asked holding up his hands covered in white oven mitts which were decorated in pine trees.

I held back a giggle, shaking my head at him, "I think you look good no matter what you do."

He tossed the oven mitts on the counter, a smirk tugging on his lips, "You trying to get in my pants?" He stepped to me and wrapped his arms around my waist, "Because you don't have to try that hard, my dear. I'm happy to perform my duty as your husband."

I kissed the corner of his mouth, his perfectly groomed beard tickling my chin.

"What did you make us?" I asked, pulling away from him to observe his work.

John stood behind me as he peered over my shoulder to observe his work with me, "Lasagne." He grumbled.

It looked a little burnt, also a little dry. I couldn't judge it without tasting it though. I glanced over my shoulder and smiled at him, "You know, it might taste amazing. Don't judge a book by its cover and all."

"That doesn't apply here." John pointed out.

I turned around, wrapping my arms around his neck, "Dinner by the fireplace?" I asked, "I think you are the one trying to get in my pants and I must admit that it's working." I kissed him once on the lips, "You are so getting laid tonight, John Seed."

His laughter resonated through my body. We went from threatening each other in this kitchen to teasing each other in the hope of indulging into something sinful in bed together. Besides learning that John was not the best cook around I also learned that he went all soft and warm when handled with care. I could imagine this backfiring on me. He also showed he was incapable of controlling his anger. There was a bruise forming on my wrist but I chose to ignore it. Joseph's words kept echoing through my mind. Just having patience with this man was going to save our marriage. I hoped they were right when they said the father always knew what's best.

* * *

"Oh, John!" Was the only phrase leaving my lips.

His persistent fingers rubbed at my oversensitive clit, making me squirm around. He placed a firm hand on my stomach to keep me in place. I arched my back as another wave of pleasure washed over me. I felt embarrassed when I felt the liquid rush out of me. At this point, the bed was just soaked in my juices.

"One more."

I tried to roll away but he kept me in place, "No!" I whined, shaking my head.

It was even more embarrassing that John still had his pants on. His shirt unbuttoned and revealing his firm chest to me. His sleeves were rolled up while my juices ran up his right arm. I was completely naked before him. My thighs spread while he kneeled between my legs. His eyes were observing me, a smirk tugging on his lips. He was torturing me at this point.

"That's not what I like to hear, darling."

"Oh, fuck you." I groaned.

He chuckled, "I don't think you can take me at this point."

He made me scream when he rubbed my clit again, my body tensing up. I couldn't think straight, my brain was mush. Sweat was covering my body, my hair damp and feeling icky. I felt icky. I needed a shower, but I feared standing underneath the hot rays of the shower. Even a little breeze would probably make me come with how strung up I was. My eyes snapped open to stare at John in utter fear when I heard him undo his belt. The clinging sound being the most terrifying sound I've heard in a while.

"No." I muttered, shaking my head, "No."

He looked amused, "Don't worry, I won't push you."

He unzipped his jeans and pulled himself out of his silk boxers. Precum looked from the swollen head. He looked bigger than I remember. He gripped his erection with a firm grip, a hiss leaving his lips. He rubbed himself, fast and hard. It intrigued me hearing the sounds of pleasure coming from his lips. I was too tired to do anything but watch him. The precum leaked down to his wrist he didn't seem bothered with it. He closed his eyes tightly, his body tensing up as he came. The warm seed shot across my stomach, making a mess of me. I needed a shower anyway. I didn't mind. I was just glad he didn't push inside me because I wouldn't be able to handle it. John opened his eyes, his blue eyes locking with mine.

"Bath?" He asked.

"Yes, please."

He grinned, "Now that's what I like to hear."


	19. Kitten

**Chapter nineteen – Kitten**

* * *

Sundays were reserved for Joseph. John and I got up early had breakfast together and prepared to attend Joseph's stupid sermons. The flock ate up everything he said but after four weeks of listening to his intense preaching, I was getting tired of it. I didn't want to spend my Sundays at his beat down church anymore but I couldn't speak up about it. I couldn't even confess it to John. He'd lose it. John showed fear whenever he spoke to Joseph. I felt like the one who needed to be feared was Jacob. The man could wrestle a bear and win the match without much effort yet it was the damn preacher John feared. It made no sense to me at all.

"Hurry up, woman," John called from the living room.

I was standing in front of the tall mirror in our bedroom, the bedroom door ajar. I could hear the impatience in my husband's voice. He'd come up here in a minute and then he'd be all dramatic and all John. I grabbed the red flannel shirt which John hated on me and shrugged it on over my black tank top. I kept my hair down, running my fingers through my dark locks to fix it. Grabbing the radio John provided me with so I could talk to Faith or Jacob whenever I felt like it I strapped it on my belt at my hip. I wished my husband would give me a gun too but I knew he didn't trust me with it. Whenever the subject came up he brushed it off. We were married but I didn't have his trust. Not really. It made me realize that I shouldn't trust him either. Or his family.

"Gabriella Cross if I need to come up there-"

I slammed the bedroom door shut after me and walked down the stairs, "Excuse you. It's Gabriella Seed now."

He rolled his eyes at me when I stood before him and placed my hand against the exposed skin of his chest, "Don't try and be cute now. What took you so long?"

I pressed my lips against his neck, his beard scratching my nose and cheeks.

"This hair takes a while to take care of." I pulled away running my fingers through the ends of it to make my point, "You should know since you take hours to groom your beard with oils and what not."

He stared at the ceiling letting out an exasperated sigh, "There is a time and place for grooming. Sundays are for sermons and you know it." He flickered his eyes to me, his blue eyes glittering with anger, "I know you've been losing faith in the father."

He was too observant for his own good or I was just not good at acting. Bad actress of the year award should probably go to me. I needed my husband's theatrics to rub off on me. John wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me to him, my chest pressed up against him tightly.

"If I can tell so can he." John spoke in a low, threatening voice, "You better make your act more believable or the father might suggest you staying with Faith to restore your beliefs." His hand slipped to my hip, grabbing it tightly, "The last thing I want is an angel for a wife."

His grip was tight, it would leave bruises but it was something I got used to now. John had his little outbursts from time to time. Nothing too serious and also nothing I couldn't handle. I just kept reminding myself of what Joseph told me.

"I don't think Faith would turn me into an angel."

His other hand was placed on the back of my head, he laced his fingers through my hair which he did so many times before and gripped it tightly.

"If you truly believe that than Faith got to you. It's what she does. She lies, she manipulates people to wrap them around her finger and let them do their bidding. She cares for no one but herself. That woman turned her back to her friends, she chose that for herself and then made it into a sad sob story. Everybody believes it. It's when she lures them into her trap."

I grabbed onto his firm biceps, tilting my head to the side as I scanned his face carefully, "You sound like you respect her for it."

He clenched his jaw, he didn't disagree which told me that I was right. He pressed his lips firmly against mine, a gasp leaving my lips. The kiss was rough but quick. He let go of me and pulled away, his blue eyes narrowed at me.

"We're late and it's all because of you."

He walked out of the ranch with quick, angry steps. I followed after him, trying to keep up with the man. Thankfully one of his followers parked his truck right in front of the door. I climbed in while John got behind the wheel.

"I'll apologize to the father."

"Well, yes, it's your fault after all."

He was like a grumpy kid, his tone was quite similar to one too. I tried not to smile, it wasn't the right time to be amused by my husband's behavior. I was reaching for the radio to play some music, John wasn't having it though. He slapped my hand away.

"Seriously?" I asked, glaring at him.

"I'm not in the mood." He muttered.

He tightened his grip on the steering wheel. He was in one of his moods again, trying to control his anger. Not wanting him to give into his wrath I stared out the window and pretended he wasn't even there. He just needed a minute.

"If you want to talk." I trailed off.

"I want to fuck." That was straight to the point.

Pressing my lips together I tried to hide my smile. I turned to look at my husband again, surprised that he met my gaze.

"You can pull over." I suggested, "I don't mind riding you until you're satisfied."

He poked my side where he carved lust into my body, "Don't tempt me, Jezebel."

He thought about it, I could tell by the glint in his eyes. His blue eyes darkened with lust, he would pull over if I touched him a certain way. If I leaned over and kissed his neck he'd be lost. I might be a woman who gave into her desires. I didn't feel that way about anyone else though, just him.

I snorted, "Should I remind you of your vows to me, dear husband?"

We nearly reached Joseph's island, John had stepped on the gas and raced us there. It was a miracle we reached the island safely. My husband did have some skills besides being a smooth talker. The road to the compound was straight, closed in by iron fences and patrol cars to ensure the father was safe. There was only one way in and out, by car that is. I did notice there was a dock near Joseph's church. If someone was bold enough they could reach the island by boat. Until now no one from the resistance tried though. It was almost disappointing.

"Almost there." I looked out the window, "You sure stepped on that gas."

"Where are you?"

My heart raced hearing Jacob's quiet, raspy voice. I glanced at my husband, he reached for his radio and moved it to his lips.

"We'll be there in five minutes."

"Be safe," Jacob grunted.

John shot me a glance, I merely shrugged in response, "Jacob didn't sound angry with us. Just concerned."

John focused on the road again, I could see the church in the distance. We were there yet my husband still had this anger radiating off him. I suppose only Joseph's preaching could calm him now. I'd apologize to the father. I didn't want Joseph to make John feel any less by mentioning his disappointment. That phrase always chipped away a little confidence of my husband. If the father continued there wouldn't be anything left of the John I loved. I was aware that it might be Joseph's intention to get rid of that confidence which made John who he was. Faith wasn't the only one skilled in the art of manipulation. She might just learned a thing or two by watching the father.

"Jacob isn't much of a religious man."

I knew that much, he didn't care for the preaching or Eden's Gate for that matter. All he did was playing his role as the protector. Protecting his family, fighting a war in the name of Joseph, not in the name of the father. He used that phrase to get what he wanted, what he needed to fight his battles but I could tell he was more like me.

"You don't say," I muttered.

"He's just-"

"An older brother who'd go to hell and back to keep you safe?"

John looked taken back by that. He parked the car in front of the church, the soldier standing before the closed doors with his arms folded across his chest. John was at a loss for words, stumbling out of the car because of what I said. Jacob watched us with curious eyes, his blue eyes alight with amusement.

"How is married life treating you, Johnny?" The mocking clear in his raspy voice.

John pulled himself together in a matter of seconds, he straightened his waistcoat and approached his older brother with a charming smile. Jacob raised an eyebrow at his younger brother, almost daring him with his eyes to make the next move. John wasn't one to back off though. He gave his brother a firm pat against the arm.

"Very well, brother."

Jacob stepped aside, letting his younger brother open the doors to Joseph's church. I followed after him sharing a look with Jacob. Joseph already started his sermon, his eyes following John and me every move. We made our way to the pew in the front. Joseph's flock knew better than to sit there, it was more or less property of John and me now. No one else sat with us. John sat down first, he held his hand out to me pulling me beside him. I smiled at him and then faced the father. Joseph looked unamused but he continued not a hitch in his dramatic preaching. He was talking about the collapse which was close. His preaching became quite dark, about taking what rightfully belonged to the project and only the chosen surviving God's righteous fire. I glanced at John, he only tightened his grip on my hand in response. After his dramatic preaching, I pulled my hand away from John and approached the father. The followers who noticed me approaching the father stepped aside. Joseph held his hands out to me and I took them without question.

"Good morning, sister."

I smiled at him, "Good morning, father." I knew he liked it whenever we called him father in his church. Since I had to apologize to him it was best to butter him up too, "I apologize for our late arrival. I was not myself this morning."

"Is something troubling you?"

I glanced at my feet. A lot was troubling me but I couldn't share that with Joseph. John was right, his brother would send me away to get blissed up by Faith. Despite us getting along she'd follow orders. Since he preached about the end of the world being near I could lie just a little. There was no way he could tell. I doubted he was a mind reader.

"I have a weird feeling lately."

His hands gave mine a squeeze, "This unease you're feeling will pass. Your family is here for you. Sometimes their actions might make you have doubt, just remind yourself that everything they're doing is to create a safe place for the chosen."

I glanced at John, noticing how tense he looked. He had his arms folded behind his back, his posture straight. No one dared to approach him, even his own followers were terrified of that man. Yet all I could feel was his love when he looked at me. He was concerned for me, probably praying I wouldn't say anything which would make Joseph suspicious of me.

"I love him."

It surprised me that my whispered confession made Joseph quietly laugh, "I can tell."

I looked back at Joseph, "The feelings are sometimes-" I sighed as I tried to come up with a word for it, "Intense."

Joseph let go of my hands, he placed his hand on my back and guided me through the crowd. I felt John looking at me, his fists clenched at his sides. He wanted to follow us but he didn't. He probably couldn't. Joseph and I stood by John's car. Jacob kept his eyes on us.

"It's okay to feel that way."

That didn't sound like something the father would say. I could argue that it was something a brother would say in regards to his younger brother's happiness but I didn't buy it.

I shook my head, "Isn't that a sin?"

Joseph smiled at me, his hands grabbing gently onto my arms, "You are married, child. It is okay to love your husband. There is nothing wrong with it."

He was trying to manipulate me with gentle words, I could see it now. He couldn't know that I saw through his act. John called me a bad actress, but maybe he was just too good at reading people. He used to be a pretty good lawyer, he was a fucking amazing lawyer now.

"I don't want that to happen when the world is about to end."

"You are scared." Joseph concluded, "You've been through a lot ever since you set foot in Hope County. Big changes happened in your life. Your fear is understandable, not something to be ashamed of."

"Brother."

Jacob called Joseph, it then occurred to me just how close Joseph and I were standing. As I glanced at the older Seed's direction I could see John standing beside him with a dangerous look in his eyes. He showed me before he could get jealous. Deep down he knew it was ridiculous to be jealous of the father but he couldn't control that emotion that well. I had to reassure him it was nothing.

"Just have faith," Joseph told me.

He let go of me and met up with his brothers. They were discussing something quietly, I didn't bother to approach them. They probably needed their little moment. I leaned against John's car, watching my husband carefully. Maybe I didn't have to reassure him, Joseph was doing it. He grabbed onto his brother's shoulders an pulled him in. They hugged, Jacob looked away. I quietly laughed, shaking my head at the soldier. He noticed, narrowing his blue eyes on me. Joseph and John pulled away, both of them looking at me. My smile faded while I straightened my back. John nodded at something Joseph said, he said his goodbyes to his brothers and met up with me at his truck.

"Let's head home."

"You okay?" I asked him cautiously.

He didn't look pissed at me, he looked settled. Joseph did a pretty good job at quieting his brother down.

"More than okay." He held the door open to his truck for me, "We'll talk once we're out of here."

I climbed into his truck, smiling at him when he closed the door. He walked around the hood of the car and then settled in the driver's seat. Once he turned the key the truck came to life and he sped off from the church. I reached for the radio, this time he didn't slap my hand away. Things were a lot better. Joseph's words must have been magical.

"I guess you are a better actress than I thought you were."

I grinned at him, "Joseph was almost like my older brother."

John snorted, "He is your brother."

It was a firm response as if to remind me about my relationship with that man.

"So what did he say to make you smile like that?" I gestured to the smile playing on his lips.

John grabbed my hand, raising it to his lips and kissing my wrist. I didn't expect him to show me gentle affection. It was loving and kind and so different from our ride to the church earlier. He didn't mention wanting to fuck me either. He seemed pleased with just holding my hand. He placed my hand on his thigh, he wanted me to keep my hand there so I did.

"He said that he trusts you."

That made me tense up. He must have felt it but he ignored it.

"That us being together is a good thing."

Joseph settled the unease John felt about me, I guess deep down he still had his concerns. The father was definitely up to something. I wasn't that good of an actress. I only told him half lies, he filled in the blanks because these Seed siblings loved the sound of their own voices. I just didn't know what Joseph wanted me to do.

"I'm dropping you off at the ranch." John told me, "I need to head to the bunker for confessions this afternoon."

"Are you coming home for dinner?"

"No, I have a baptism at night."

"I see."

He gave my hand which rested upon his thigh a pat, "Don't worry, my dear, I'll make some time for your soon. I recall a certain promise you made me. I am going to keep you to it."

"It wasn't actually a promise, it was more a suggestion."

"Do you want to argue with me on that?" John asked me, his tone teasing.

I observed him for a while, then I turned up the radio listening to the song about Jacob setting free the sinners and glanced out the window.

"You'd win despite me being right."

"That's no fun." He was looking for a challenge, it was something he enjoyed. It was what started our complicated relationship, "Thought you'd show me your claws before you'd eventually tell me I was right."

I didn't want to send him off on a bad note but I couldn't help myself. Maybe John wasn't the only one who couldn't control their emotions.

"I assumed Jacob called me kitten because he thought I was a coward, but maybe it's because he also quite enjoys me showing him my claws."

He stepped on the brakes without warning. I fell forward but John kept me in place by holding his arm out. It knocked the breath out of me, he gave me no time to find my bearings. He pulled me on his lap, my back hitting the steering wheel which made his truck honk loudly. He cupped my face and pulled me in, kissing me roughly. He used a lot of teeth, pulling my bottom lip between his teeth. I placed my hands on his shoulders to keep my balance. We were in the middle of the road or I assumed we were. Making out, his hard-on pressing against me told me he was planning so much more. If we got caught we could always say the father told us that it was okay.


	20. The Soldier's Mission

**Chapter twenty – The Soldier's Mission**

* * *

A week after that sermon of Joseph I realized what the father had done. John became dedicated to his job like no other. He was rarely at home, I rarely saw him. He even slept at the bunker now, only contacting me to let me know he couldn't come home. I missed him. I missed hearing his voice, that excited tone. I even missed his outburst which was kind of cute at times. I was seated on the couch before the fireplace, scanning the living area with a scrunched up nose. This place seriously needed to be redecorated yet with the world coming to an end I doubted John would do that for me. There was no point. Then again said man hadn't been home for days now. I could do whatever I wanted to my living room. I felt determined, maybe a little vengeful. I stalked to the porch, gesturing for a follower who was patrolling to come closer. He looked spooked at first, not quite sure what to do. He did approach me, looking a little awkward as he stared at me

"Sister?"

"Could you round up more people, I need to do a little redecorating."

"Now?" He asked.

It was a little over eight in the evening so it wasn't odd that he was confused. I wasn't going to back off though, I made my decision.

"Yes, please. Round up as many as you can. I want all those dead animals out of my living room."

He walked away, going around the ranch to find the people we needed to get rid of all the animals in the living room which kept staring at me. If John wanted things to remain the same he should have been here with me. It was now my ranch so I could do whatever the hell I wanted with it.

" _Kitten."_

I froze in the doorway to the ranch, that voice did not belong to my husband. It was a raspy whisper which made fear consume me. I reached for my radio and raised it to my mouth to speak up.

"Jacob."

" _What are you doing?"_

I stepped into the ranch and glanced around, eager to get rid of the animals, "A little redecorating. Getting rid of these creepy dead animals."

"You know I was the one who got John those animals."

It made sense, John wasn't a hunter. I doubted he could hunt a wolf let alone a bear and make a creepy rug out of it. I sat down on the couch and gestured for the group of five followers to enter. They stood before me, waiting for orders.

"I want all these animals out of here, store them in the hanger."

Neither one of them started moving, probably afraid of what John might do to them if he found out. John wasn't here though. He hasn't been at the ranch for days so I made the call. They needed to be afraid of the angry woman in front of them. Not the little child looking for his brother's approval which he'd never get.

"Now," I ordered in a firmer tone.

They scrambled away, making quick work of the living room. I smiled and leaned back in my seat, getting comfortable in front of the fireplace again.

"Don't worry, I asked the followers to store them in the hanger."

Jacob's low chuckle made me press my thighs together. No way his voice was doing that to me, I needed to shut that feeling down immediately.

" _Oh, John is going to love that."_

I smiled, "His beloved animals with his beloved Affirmation, he should be ecstatic about that."

" _What are you trying to do?"_

I pulled my legs under me, I was completely relaxed on the living room couch. No more dead animals surrounding me, a fire burning to keep me warm and John's silk blue shirt oversized and comfortable. Life was kind of good. All I wanted was for my husband to be here with me. Joseph took care of that though. The father was manipulative, knew how to make people do his bidding and thank him for it. I wasn't one of those people. The bliss wore off a long time ago.

"I'm trying to get comfortable in my own home."

" _You do what you have to. So what are you doing?"_

"You need me for something?"

" _Yes."_

I didn't understand why Jacob would need me. I wasn't like the chosen or the hunters. I did confidently tell him I could be part of his army but that was just me and my big mouth. I didn't possess their skills, I wasn't trained by the big bad wolf himself.

"I don't know if there is anything I can help you with."

 _A light chuckle which sounded pretty hollow to me followed, "Thought you had more confidence than that, kitten. Weren't you telling me you'd be good enough to become one of my hunters?"_

I rolled my eyes. I should have known he'd throw that back at me at some point. Jacob Seed needing a favor of me didn't sound good at all. I doubted he wanted me to come over and organize his papers. He said he enjoyed my cooking but I doubted that was it too.

" _Come on, kitten." He continued when I didn't respond, "I know what you're doing. Do you think you're going to achieve anything by throwing some dead animals into his hanger? You need to work his emotions. You're a smart girl, you know what'd really get to him._

"I'm not destroying Affirmation."

Another chuckle followed, this time it sounded genuine though.

" _Nah, I'm not asking of you to do anything to his toys. He'll just cry about it."_

I'm pretty sure he'd bring a knife to bed with him, but Jacob could make light about it. His little brother would never do anything to hurt him. I was sure John wouldn't kill me, but he wouldn't be happy with me either. I knew he wouldn't mind making me go through a whole lot of pain. He didn't believe in pain. He said he didn't feel it anymore. Well, I still felt a whole lot of pain and I wouldn't be able to take another screwdriver to the thigh.

"Okay, then what do you want from me?" I asked cautiously.

" _I need you to do some scouting for me. In Fall's end."_

I sat up, watching as the last of the dead animals were being dragged off by the followers. They didn't bother me knowing I was talking to Jacob so they quietly left the living room and closed the door behind them.

"What? Don't you have people to do that?"

" _This might not be anything of relevance so I don't need to waste their time when you're just as capable."_

It was a good thing Jacob and I weren't in the same room, he wouldn't appreciate how many times I rolled my eyes at something he said. He got unreliable information about something going on in Fall's End, he didn't want to waste manpower so he decided to give me a call. Such a dick this man was.

"That's an insult and we both know that but fine. I'll go check out Fall's End."

" _Go in soft."_

So my plan to take the truck and just simply driving over wasn't good enough. I suppose they did know who I was. John broadcasted our important moments together. It was better to go in soft but then I wanted to be able to protect myself. I couldn't do that right now since John took my guns.

"Your brother took away my guns. So you get me equipment to protect myself with then I'll head over to this Godforsaken town to spy on people Eden's Gate pissed off."

" _I'll get you a bow. You'll only get so many bliss arrows so if you get caught make them count."_

So he would barely give me any. This was definitely a test or maybe he just didn't trust me with bliss arrows. It was smart, there was always the chance of me using it when John and I had an argument. I'm sure if I didn't use my equipment he'd take it back.

"When do you need me to head over there?"

I walked around the couch when the front door opened. I had hope that John would walk through the door but he didn't. It was a chosen with creepy red ski mask and all. He stalked up to me with confident steps and dropped a duffel bag on the couch.

"It contains one compound bow and five arrows."

I dropped the radio beside the bag and zipped it open, staring at the basic bow and arrows. The chosen was already on his way to leave but I quickly ran after him, grabbing his massive arm.

"Just five arrows?"

"Yes, so make it count."

He pulled away from me and left the ranch as quick as he arrived. Fucking Jacob Seed was definitely playing games with me. I wondered if it was because he couldn't do whatever he had planned originally. The pregnancy messed up all their plans with me. Taking a deep breath I calmed down as much as I could and walked back to the couch to grab the radio.

"I suggest you head out at night time." Jacob's voice made me jump.

It was only a little over two right now so I had enough time to prepare. I grabbed the duffel bag and headed upstairs. Dropping the bag on foot of the bed I switched John's silk shirt for a black casual tee which I owned. I owned a few pieces of clothing John bought me. The black tee might have looked casual but it was soft to the couch. I was also certain I didn't want to know the price tag of it. I braided my hair into a side braid to have it out of the way. I switched my sneakers for the combats boots which John hated on me. Said it didn't quite suit me. Well, they were handy when you had to do crappy missions for a crazy old soldier. I grabbed the olive green jacket and shrugged it on. It would keep me warm when I left the ranch tonight. Moving to the duffel bag I grabbed the holster for the bliss arrows. I carefully placed the arrows inside and tried to adjust the holster to my size. Once I was happy with the way it felt strapped on my back I took it off and left it on the bed. I also shrugged off my jacket, tossing it on top of the bow and arrow and heading back downstairs. I grabbed my radio, strapped it on my belt and walked to the kitchen to start with dinner. I made extra so if John did to come home, finally, he'd have something to eat.

* * *

Like Jacob suggested I headed out fully geared around nine in the evening. John didn't come home. He didn't even let me know this time that he wasn't coming home. My mind wandered to Holly, I couldn't help it. I knew he was seeing her before I came to Hope Count, maybe now that things settled down he decided that he wanted to get back together with her. It was driving myself insane thinking about my husband and that woman. I needed a clear mind when doing this crappy mission for the eldest Seed. I parked the car a few miles away from Fall's End, they didn't need to hear me driving by. Climbing out of the truck I borrowed from a Chosen I slipped my hood on and grabbed my compound bow. Quietly I walked to the little town John had total control over. I stayed in the shadows, noticing a few Eden's Gate people who were patrolling the town. If John had people patrolling Fall's End I didn't quite get what Jacob wanted me to do. I switched off my radio, I didn't want it to alert anyone. Staying low, I quietly made my way to the church which Pastor Jerome preached at. It looked broken down, but not worse than the father's church. I held my breath when I heard a deep voice. It came from inside the church so I tried to get a little closer. I was watchful of my steps, not wanting to break a twig or trip over a rock or something.

" _If we turn our back to him then we're no better than Eden's Gate. He seeks forgiveness and wants to return to his family. We should help him in his time of need."_

That sounded like something a pastor would say. Eden's Gate would have killed someone who dared to change their mind and walk out of the project. They'd see it as treacherous. I was well aware of how fucked up my new family was. I had a deep respect for this pastor who wasn't going to turn away a Peggie who wanted to go back to his family.

" _Pastor I get it, I really fucking do. But we don't have the manpower. I haven't heard from Eli in a while. I'm afraid Jacob fucking Seed got to him."_

Jacob was always up to something. I had seen pictures of Eli and his whitetails in Jacob's headquarters. He was trailing that man, planning and waiting for the right moment to kill him. He was going to cull the herd. The whitetails were weak in his eyes and deserved no mercy. The fact that there was no manpower left could partially be because of my betrayal. The thought made me sick.

" _Lately we're lacking manpower too."_

" _I hate to say this but the Seeds are winning this battle."_

" _We can never lose Faith, Dutch."_

" _There is nothing left to believe in, Pastor. All we can do now is hide and hope these psychopaths won't get to us."_

I hated hearing their despair. It sounded like they were really giving up. It was wise to pick your battles, but I couldn't help but feel responsible. I came out of hiding and walked up to the church. I entered it through the side entrance which made the pastor get out of his wooden chair and stare at me in shock.

"Can I help you?"

"I think I may be able to help you."

He seemed suspicious of me and I couldn't blame him.

"Who are you?" He asked.

I lowered my hood which made him step back.

"We don't need your help."

"You have no one left, pastor. If there is someone out there who wants to leave the project and go back to his family then I want to help him. Not all of us can accept our new fate and roll with it. It can break their mind."

"We were going to help you, you betrayed those who cared about you." He gestured around the room, "Do you even know what your family has done with them?"

"I can imagine." I admitted, "They were divided between Faith and Jacob. They are either culled or blissed. Neither one of those options is good. I know what I've done is horrible and I feel guilty about it. I chose my life over theirs. It was a selfish decision that's all it was."

His shoulders dropped. I knew deep down he couldn't blame me for wanting to live. Sometimes people made fucked up decisions in order to survive. He didn't agree with my decision, that was clear. But he wasn't condemning me either.

He sighed, "There is a defector out in Silver Lake Trailer Park. He wants to leave the project but Eden's Gate won't let him. You need to get him out of there and move him to the docks. I have a few people coming in by boat to get him to safety."

"I'll help." I held my bow up, "Jacob Seed only provided me with five bliss arrows. If you have a gun for me to use along with some ammo I could do a lot more."

He raised an eyebrow at me in question. I knew Eden's Gate was better equipped. They were armed to the tooth, but the family didn't trust me with weapons. So I had to ask them for their equipment.

"They don't trust me, pastor."

"I'll get you a gun and ammo." He grumbled.

Staying true to his promise the pastor came back with a handgun, a silencer, and ammo. It was good, I could handle a handgun. The silencer meant I could get this done without the followers noticing me. I hoped I didn't have to use it but that would be wishful thinking. These people were aggressive when it came to betrayal. Joseph gauging that man's eyes out with his thumbs was not forgotten. I needed to remind myself that the father was not as gentle as he tried to appear to be. He was manipulative and showed no mercy. He just pretended that he did.

"You sure you can do this?"

I looked up, smiling at the pastor, "Yes, I'll be fine."

He didn't seem to believe me, "If the family finds out about what you're doing your life might be in danger." He warned me, "You can still go back, marshal."

I loaded the gun up, double checked to make sure the safety was on and then shoved it into the waistband of my pants. I didn't have a holster for it. I still had my bliss arrows, I'd use those first and would switch to the gun if it was necessary. I pocketed the spare bullets and silencer and headed out the door.

"Be careful out there, marshal."

I walked back to my car, this time there was no need for me to sneak around. Fall's End was like a ghost town, there weren't many people around. I had a feeling the mission Jacob gave me was to find out what the pastor and the remaining members of the resistance would do about this defector. He wanted me to report back to him. That was unfortunately not going to happen. I was definitely not blissed out of my mind right now. The right thing to do was to help these people. I'd go in and out without hopefully anyone noticing me. Then I'd go back to my ranch, take a bath and go to bed. Sunday was approaching fast, I needed to have the right mindset to sit through another one of Joseph's fanatic ramblings.

* * *

I heard gunshots and yelling when I approached the trailer park. They were already at it. I put the hood on, hoping it would conceal me. With soft steps I approached the noise, making sure to keep in the shadows. The compound bow provided by Jacob was held tightly in my hands. The fight was happening on the porch in front of the house. I walked in through the back door, staying low. All the lights were on, the defector who was tied and laying on the ground got a good look at me. I placed my bow down and reached for the ropes.

"I'm going to untie you. You need to walk with me to the docks, can you do that?"

"S-Sister?"

He definitely recognized me.

"Do you want to see your family or not?"

"Yes, please." He sat up.

I noticed how the color of his eyes wasn't quite right. I had no doubt that Eden's Gate tried to persuade him by giving him bliss. It was how Faith worked. The resistance who tried to help this man probably feared what he could do while being under the influence of this drugs. I wasn't afraid though, I've been through this.

"Then let me help you."

"John is not going to like this." He said quietly.

"John locked himself up in his bunker so he might not even find out." I whispered, "If we do this quick we'll both get away with it."

He nodded. I got to my feet and held my hand out, "Come on, we need to leave."

"What about them?"

They'd probably freak out when they didn't find the defector tied up on the kitchen floor. Their friends at the docks would call it in though. At least I hoped. We didn't have time to hang around, the followers of Eden's Gate were relentless, they wouldn't give up. It wasn't in their nature.

"We need to leave now." I grabbed my bow and took the lead, "Stay close to me." I called over my shoulder.

We took the dirt trail to the docks, making sure to conceal ourselves by staying near the bushes and trees. It was going well so far, we were moving around like Jacob's hunters. They were scary, making no noise whatsoever and always hovering. They saw it all. Right now I was feeling a little paranoid. Jacob mentioned he didn't have the luxury to send over his people but what if this was a test? His hunters could be hovering and I wouldn't know unless they wanted to be found.

"We're almost there." The guy whispered.

He sounded out of breath, he swayed from left to right but somehow still managed to follow after me. I couldn't carry him, I didn't have superhuman strength so I was relieved he managed to walk with me. I could see the docks up ahead but now that we were close to getting this man out of here the followers of Eden's Gate popped up like unwanted weed.

"They're never going to let me leave" He grabbed my arm tightly which actually hurt, "Or you for that matter."

I pulled my arm away and glared at him, "Calm down. Run to the docks and get on that boat. I'll distract them."

I grabbed my first arrow, pressed my back against the tree and peeked at my right. These followers were loud, they probably didn't train at the chalet with Jacob. If they did the soldier would have their heads for forgetting about their training. I got my sights on the guy with a leather coat, heavily armed. I aimed at his shoulder but then decided the leather would probably make it hard for the arrow to go through. I held my breath when my shot was lined up and let go. The arrow stuck to his thigh, making him drop his assault rifle and bend down with loud yells about someone being out there. He then fell down to his back with a loud thud. That would work as a distraction.

"Over there!" One of them screamed.

"Show yourself!" They demanded.

I grabbed another arrow, it felt exciting to mess around a little. After being locked up at the ranch by myself for almost a week now it felt great getting out my frustration. I just had to imagine that it was John taking these arrows. It would give me so much more satisfaction.

I went through my five arrows quickly, I think that was enough as a distraction. I didn't catch the followers saying they got the target. I lowered my bow and walked back to the trailer park. I parked my car a bit away from it. There was no noise coming from the trailer park either so I'd say mission accomplished. I was glad the guy managed to get away. I reached the white truck which one of the followers arranged for me, the bow slipping through my fingers when I met the blue gaze of the soldier who was leaning against the side of my truck.

"Jacob." I breathed.

"Hello, sister." The mocking clear in his voice, "Why don't you get in the truck? We have lots to discuss, don't we, kitten?"


	21. Best Friends with John

**Chapter twenty – one – Best Friends with John**

* * *

I was scared, there was no denying that. There was also no room for false bravery, it was like Jacob could smell the fear radiating from me. It would make it more enjoyable for him to make me squirm until I told him the truth. So it was best to stay true to myself. I glanced at the big man behind the wheel. He didn't look angry, he didn't look happy either. I wondered if he sent his chosen or his hunters after that defector. I hoped that man was okay. I didn't believe in this forcing people to join Eden's Gate.

"It was a test," I spoke up first.

"Yeah and you failed."

I gulped, playing with the hem of my shirt, "Obviously." I whispered.

When he looked at me I quickly looked away, I couldn't meet his mocking blue eyes. It was a good thing it was dark, but I could still partially see him. It was still a frightening sight.

"You're taking me to the bunker?" I asked, noticing the familiar route.

Jacob turned the radio on, keeping the volume low. The song about Faith was playing, the soft tunes breaking the tension just a little bit. I stared out the window, needing something to distract myself from the anxiety which was building in my stomach.

"I'd take you to the mountains to talk this over but you are John's wife so we're doing this John's way."

I rolled my eyes, "So confess and atone? Great."

Jacob changed the station, apparently, he wasn't a fan of the Eden's Gate station. Then again the family was aware that Jacob didn't quite believe in the ramblings of the father either. He was the older brother protecting his family. Nothing more, nothing less. Rock music was playing in the background now. It didn't help with the anxiety I was feeling.

"You talked to John?" I asked Jacob quietly.

"Did you talk to John?" He threw the question back at me.

I lost it then, "No, Jacob, I haven't had a normal conversation with my husband in days because of what the father told him. He's a good little worker these days. Doing amazing work as the Baptist of Eden's Gate but a shitty job as a husband."

"It might have been Joseph's intention to praise him so he'd be more motivated. It's all John wanted since the project started, you know. I don't quite understand why he's like that. He doesn't need to prove shit to Joseph. His accomplishments so far prove he is fucking amazing at what he does."

"Joseph might as well be the father figure he never had in his life," I muttered.

I felt Jacob's eyes on me, but I still refused to look at him. I preferred it if John stopped being so dependent on Joseph. That was never going to happen though. Tonight's mission might have screwed things up between us. It would probably take more than a simple confession to calm my husband down.

"Might be right, kitten."

Jacob parked the truck and hopped out. I stayed in the truck, it made the elder Seed shake his head at me and walk around the hood of the car. He opened the door and stepped aside.

"Either you get out on your own or I'll drag you out. Your choice."

Swallowing nervously I hopped out of the truck as well. Jacob closed the door and nodded to the entrance of John's Gate. He wanted me to move so I did. I knew it would be highly unpleasant to let Jacob drag me along. I already had a bruise forming on my arm due to that man who grabbed it earlier. There was no telling what John would do to me so avoiding Jacob's wrath was probably best.

"Heard you made those arrows count." Jacob's voice sounded close.

When I glanced behind me I noticed just how close the elder Seed was. It made my heart race. I tried to quicken my pace to create some distance between us. He noticed immediately and actually laughed at me. All this man did was mock me. If I didn't know any better I'd say we were like kids who teased each other because they had a little crush. I stopped in my tracks, staring straight at John who awaited us in the doorway. He stood straight with his hands behind his back. This reminded me of the first time I met the Seeds. He looked as menacing now as he looked then.

"Move along now, kitten."

I approached my husband and stood before him. I flashed him a smile.

"John."

He smiled back at me, "Gabriella."

I knew that behind me Jacob was rolling his eyes, I could practically hear it.

John stepped aside, "Let's head to the confession room, I think we have a few things to discuss." His eyes trailed to his older brother, "Privately." He added.

"Whatever." Jacob muttered, "Let your followers load up the truck. I'm heading back to the mountains. My hunters are chasing that defector, he won't get far."

He said it to provoke me. I turned around to face him and smiled, "Or he might just get away."

John glared at me, pointing down the stairs, "Confession room. Now." He said between clenched teeth.

Someone was definitely fucking pissed. Not lingering around to irk him some more. I made my way to the confession room without stalling. I pushed the heavy door open and held my breath when I noticed how much blood covered the metal floor. It was disgusting, the copper scent lingered and made me sick to the stomach. I couldn't enter this room, John couldn't expect that of me.

"I thought we made it clear that you obey."

Anger rose up in me, "Well, I'm not going to enter this room. It's disgusting. What the fuck have you been doing in here?" I turned around and faced my husband who looked just as pissed as me. He might be more pissed but that didn't matter to me, "This is not right, John."

"I'm doing my job." He explained firmly, "Those whose souls are too corrupt need to confess with a little more pain than others. Their sins will be ripped off their skin to rid their soul of the baggage they carry. Only then they can walk with us through Eden's Gate. You should know this since you've been dedicating yourself to the Book of Joseph."

I gasped when John suddenly grabbed me by the waist and lifted me up. He carried me to the chair in the middle of the room and dumped me in it. He pointed at me.

"Stay or we are going to have serious problems." He warned me.

I didn't dare to move, the copper scent was all around us. I feared he'd also rip my skin of my body which I didn't want. I loved my skin on my body. My eyes wandered to his workbench. I nearly did throw up seeing the pieces of skin stabled on the wooden column beside it. I pressed my hand against my chest to calm myself down. John closed the door to his torture room and approached me. I let my eyes wander my husband from his perfectly gelled hair to his leather shoes. I then noticed the blood splatters on his vest and jeans. You wouldn't notice if you quickly glanced at him. I had the right to ogle him so I noticed the blood. He definitely had someone in here recently.

"I'm not allowing you to rip my skin off my body, just to be clear."

John folded his arms across his chest, "Even though I should be ripping your sins off your body, I won't. That doesn't mean I can let this slide. When Joseph hears about this he'll demand you atone for your mistakes. We do not like traitors, we harshly punish them."

I rolled my eyes, "I know."

"So you knew yet you still made the decision to betray your family?"

His voice was slowly rising, he couldn't contain his anger anymore.

"When my family is forcing someone to be part of it despite them not wanting to then yeah, I don't care about betraying Joseph's trust. Honestly, I'm not mesmerized by the Father like everyone else. I like Jacob and Faith is okay, I guess. But there is something not quite right with the Father and it hurts me that you can't see it."

"Joseph is trying to save us!" John lost it then, "You completely lost it, I don't think there is any hope for you left." He grabbed his sunglasses and threw it on his workbench. His beloved designer glasses nearly broke but he didn't care. He ran his fingers through his hair, gripping it with all his might, "What am I supposed to do with you?"

We both snapped our attention to the heavy door which opened, Jacob stood in the doorway glancing from John to me. He looked wary, his eyes narrowed.

"I'm heading back to the mountain." He announced, "Unless you still need me?"

He didn't want to leave, he wouldn't linger like that if he thought we'd be fine.

"No, you can go home-"

I jumped out of the chair when the sound of an alarm started blaring through the bunker. It was loud and obnoxious and it scared the crap out of me. I grabbed onto John, holding on for dear life. He wrapped his arms around me, the man who didn't know what to do with me still had some love for me hidden deep within.

"Fuck." Jacob muttered, "I'm heading to the control room."

"I'll meet you there in a minute," John told him.

John pulled away from me, grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the torture room. He led me through the bunker, followers were running everywhere. They were shouting things about the collapse and the Father being right. Dread gripped my heart. I just accused Joseph and if they were right about the world ending right now it meant that the Father was right all along. That couldn't be happening the world couldn't be ending right now. I didn't want John to worship that man even more. It would become unhealthy. John took me to a lower level, I froze when I noticed a few children running around. John tightened his hold on my hand, reassuring me. One boy around nine approached him with an unsure look on his face. His brown hair was swept to the side while his mother, I at least thought it was his mother who lingered in the doorway of their room.

"Is it time?" He asked.

It broke my heart when John placed his free hand on top of the boy's head, "It's time. Don't worry, we've prepared for this. You'll be safe in here."

"That's your wife." The boy glanced around John to look at me.

Of course, everyone in Eden's Gate knew who I was. Maybe the entire County knew who I was due to John's promotional videos.

"Yes." John pulled me forward, he let go of my hand and brushed it over the back of my head affectionately, "There are a few things I have to take care of. Could you show her to my room?"

"Sure!" The boy seemed ecstatic to have given a job by John Seed himself.

I grabbed John's hand, not wanting to let him go. Before he could respond I wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned my head against his chest, "Don't go." I whispered.

He cupped my face in his hands, his thumbs brushing over my cheeks to comfort me. I forgot about that little boy patiently waiting for us. I didn't want John to leave my side. I was scared he wouldn't come back. It was crazy how the people around us who were peeking at us were so calm. I guess John really prepared his followers for this moment. No one was as scared as I was. It was a little embarrassing.

"I need to reassure our people and help Jacob contact our family. We need to know if the Father is okay and of course our dear sister Faith too." I pressed my lips together hearing the less excited tone of his voice when referring to his sister, "Dare I say I feel even safer with Jacob here with us."

I laughed, tightening my hold on him, "Yeah, but I doubt his people in the mountains are happy with this. They won't be seeing their Herald for seven years."

"Yeah, poor them." John sounded a bit too amused for his sympathy to be genuine.

I let go of him, smiled, "Go and do your thing." I glanced at the boy who still waited for us to wrap things up, "We can figure things out, right?" I asked him.

"I can show you John's room. It's way in the back and is really cool. John lets me watch cartoons in his room. He has this big TV and tons of DVDs."

I had so many questions about his little story but I knew now was not the time to question my husband. John rolled his eyes, "It's the only way to make them shut up." He whispered he then turned on his heels and walked away, knowing I was in capable hands right now.

"My name is Caleb."

"I'm Gabriella."

"I know!" He turned and gestured to his mother who still kept her distance from me, "That's my mom. Dad is upstairs working. He helps in the control room. He has a pretty important job."

"Yes, but don't mention that out loud." I whispered, "The Father says we're all equals."

His eyes widened, he looked upset about what I said. I regretted scaring him like that. I should remind myself over and over again that these people worshipped the ground Joseph walked on. Just the little indication of the Father being displeased with them would upset them forever.

"Don't worry, it will be our little secret," I added.

He thought it over for a long while, he didn't want to keep secrets since that's what the preaching of Eden's Gate told him. He was probably completely brainwashed by the Father.

"Okay, I guess." He mumbled.

I nodded, "Okay, so can you show me my room? I heard something about a TV and awesome cartoons."

He took charge, marching up to John's room which was indeed far away from the rooms of the families who lived in his bunker. There was even a door separating them. I mean we got our privacy that's for sure but it also showed the mental state of this man. He confused me with his outbursts but then affectionate moments but I'm sure he confused himself even more.

"This door is never locked." Caleb told me when he pushed open the heavy door which led to the hallway to John's room, "John says he trusts us and if we lie he can tell."

"Oh, he can tell." I agreed, "John is very good at telling lies."

Caleb nodded, "Yes!"

I couldn't keep my laughter down, this boy knew what word was praised the most around here.

"You should say it with a little more confidence."

Caleb jumped on the bed with navy sheets. I sat down on the foot of the bed and brushed my hands over the sheets. It was so soft to the touch. It was either silk or Egyptian cotton. I chose the latter since it was more expensive. I glanced over my shoulder when Caleb tapped my shoulder and handed me a picture frame.

"You see, John, showed me this the other day."

I glanced at the picture, astounded to see us together in our wedding attire. I had no idea someone took our picture. I could tell by looking at this picture I wasn't quite there. Blissed up because John wanted the wedding to proceed without any flaws. But the fact that he kept this here meant something. I flickered my eyes to Caleb.

"You are friends with John?"

"I like to think so."

I nodded. Caleb's dark brown hair was almost the same shade as John's. The deep blue eyes weren't as clear as my husband's but they were also beautiful. He was talkative and very upbeat. Around eight or nine. I had a feeling John saw himself in this kid, it's why he couldn't say no to him.

"This is how I knew who you were. John told me about you, he said you are important to him."

"Oh, this is how you know me."

Maybe his parents didn't let him see those stupid promotional videos. I couldn't be more relieved.

"What do you want to watch?" He asked me.

"Let's watch one you like."

He got all excited, jumping off the bed and grabbing the DVD he wanted to watch. He knew his way around John's room. The room which smelled like my husband's fresh cologne. The room he slept in without me. This would be our room for seven years now. I'd get to know his little friend Caleb too. This little guy seemed to like my husband very much. John might have brushed it off but it proved to me that maybe it was time to start talking about our future. Surely the end of the world made him forget about my betrayal.

* * *

By the time John came to our room hours had passed. Surely it was morning already, maybe even early in the afternoon. John didn't have a clock hanging around, maybe he had spare watches in his small closet but I was too lazy to look. He closed the heavy door behind him and tiredly sat down on the foot of our bed. I had just showered, threw on some lingerie and covered my body up with a white button-up shirt belonging to my husband. It smelled like him. I kneeled on the bed behind him and wrapped my arms around him, kissing his cheek over and over again. His beard tickled me but I could deal.

He hummed, "Are you getting turned on by the world ending?"

I smiled, "No."

My hands trailed down his exposed skin, I was grateful he wanted to show off the sin which he overcame. It gave me easy access to his heated skin.

"You are breathing on me like some cat in heat, my dear."

"You'll be a great dad, John." I whispered to him, "That turns me on."

He froze. I wondered for a second if he was even breathing at this point. I moved around him and straddled his lap, my hands placed against his chest.

"You will be." I kissed his neck, rolling my hips against his.

He grabbed my waist and tightly held on, keeping me in place. John not wanting to have sex was something else. I knew he could control himself but he never really stopped me before. We had crazy car sex and got spotted by some Peggies who were driving by. They didn't stop, thankfully they kept driving, but they still saw us. He didn't stop then. This was more serious than I thought.

"I won't be and you know it."

I frowned, "Have you not seen how Caleb looks at you? You are his friend, but he also respects you. That is what a father should be. All the other stuff you'll learn along the way."

He shook his head at me, "It's not that simple, Gab."

I grinned at him, playing with the buttons of his shirt, "Did you just call me Gab?"

He flashed me a pointed look, "Your name is way too long and we both know it."

I cupped his face, my thumbs brushing over his beard, "You frustrate me most of the time but I still want to have your baby."

His grip on my waist tightened, he then flipped us over so fast I could barely process what was happening. His hands slid beneath the shirt I was wearing, brushing over my skin. His touch was soft yet it made me curl my toes. He pulled his hands out of the shirt, grabbed my hips and kissed me deeply. He rolled his hips, making me feel his erection. Without warning, he ripped his vest off along with his shirt. I giggled, grabbing onto him and pulling him back down to kiss him.

"I love you despite your antics." I quietly said in his ear.

He chuckled, hugging me tightly. He then pulled away and stood at the foot of our bed. He kicked his shoes off, also got rid of his socks. Only a man like John Seed could make that look sexy. He reached for his belt and undid it, the sound echoing through our room. I bit my lip watching him take off his pants, showing off his fit body and ink. He grabbed my ankle, spread my legs and crawled on top of me. Smirking I wrapped my legs around his waist and held him close.

"This doesn't mean we're done discussing your betrayal. You are going to atone so hard my dear, you'll see the face of God himself."

"Why does that sound so sexual?"

He looked me in the eyes, his blue eyes so clear that I could see right through his soul. At that moment he looked like a genuinely happy guy. His lips tugged up to a smirk.

"I can't help that my wife has a dirty mind."

That smirk totally meant he made it sound sexual on purpose. He knew what he was doing. If it meant he was getting his revenge by banging my brains out I didn't mind. I loved it when my husband was a little rough. It made me feel his love. He wasn't good with expressing those words but he sure as hell was good at making me feel it.


	22. The Perfect Follower

**Chapter twenty – two – The Perfect Follower**

* * *

In the bunker, it was almost impossible to know what time it was. John gifted me with one of his designer watches. The sleekness of it was sexy to look at for sure. The black band slid up and down my wrist as I got familiar with his closet. He had a select few items stored for me but I could tell he wasn't done stocking up. The collapse came too early.

"I'm sorry."

I glanced over my shoulder, meeting John's clear blue eyes.

"Hm?"

He stood behind me, his hands on my hips as he took in the items in his closet too. I was currently dressed in my lace bra and panties, his white button-up thrown over it. It was indecent to leave his room so I needed to get dressed into something less revealing.

"It's okay." I leaned my head toward him and kissed his neck, "What's yours is mine, right?"

He smirked at me, "I knew I should have made you sign a prenup."

I stared at him, "So you're okay with giving me your house but not your clothes?"

I closed my eyes when his hands trailed down to my thighs, leaning my head back against his shoulder to enjoy his delicious touch. His fingers tickled my inner thighs. He softly brushed a hand up and rested it upon my flat stomach. He pressed a kiss to my temple.

"I like you wearing my shirts." He whispered, "But unfortunately I can't have you leave our room like this. It's indecent and I really don't like the thought of others watching my wife with lustful eyes." He gripped my hips tightly in his hands, "Disgusting." He muttered.

I turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck, "Envy suits you quite well." I kissed him on the lips when he wanted to talk, he always wanted to talk since he liked the sound of his own voice, "That also turns me on." I whispered against his lips.

He slid his hands lower, gripping my ass tightly in his hands which made me moan. He looked very pleased with himself.

"See the pattern here, dear husband?" I asked, causing him to raise his eyebrows at me in question, "Everything you do basically turns me on. So you can reassure yourself that I'm not going to jump your brother."

He grunted, squeezing my bum again, "It doesn't work that way, darling." He brushed his nose against mine, his hands trailing up my back. His fingers slipped the white button-up shirt off my shoulders, "I'll always worry when it comes to you."

I giggled when he grabbed me by the hips again and hoisted me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist and leaned my head against his shoulder, giving it a kiss. He threw me on our bed and stared at me with darkened eyes. My panties were soaked with just that one look. His shirt which had been hanging on my arms I tossed aside. I raised my foot and pressed it against his crotch. He was hard for me. He wanted this as much as I did.

His eyes glittered, "Such a lustful wife I have on my hands."

"Don't pretend you don't like it."

He grabbed my ankle, pushing my foot away from his bulge. He reached for his vest, his inked fingers unbuttoning his vest and shirt. He was about to slid them off his shoulders when loud banging on the heavy door made us both jump.

We shared a look of horror.

"Jacob." We said in unison.

John shrugged his vest off, tossed it on the bed and then threw his shirt at me, "Cover yourself."

Rolling my eyes at John I did as told. I doubted Jacob was attracted to me like that, we teased each other and played around. But that was to keep the mood light. Whenever he looked at me he referred to me as John's wife or the mother of John's baby. My heart squeezed painfully as the miscarriage crossed my mind. Buttoning up the shirt which John had been wearing I rested a hand on my stomach unconsciously.

"You can fuck your wife after you talked to Joseph." My cheeks heated while John groaned.

"I'll be right there." My husband sighed.

I got to my feet and cautiously approached the brothers, "Morning." I said quietly.

Jacob flickered his eyes to me, "Morning, kitten."

I shyly smiled at him, "How is Joseph?"

"Good." Jacob informed me, he folded his arms across his firm chest, "Excited is a better way to describe it." He muttered.

John walked past me, retrieving the white button-up we discarded carelessly. He threw it in the hamper and retrieved a clean shirt from his closet. I looked back at Jacob who looked tired and annoyed. Thankfully he didn't lash out on me.

"Joseph is excited about the world ending?" I asked confused.

Jacob shrugged, "It means he's right once again."

I pointed at my husband, "The Father might need to schedule an appointment with the Baptist. I'm sure that celebrating the fact that he was right means his pride is showing more than ever." I grinned at John who looked ready to lash out on me while Jacob merely chuckled, "Pride is a sin. We both know it."

Jacob glanced at his younger brother who was putting himself back together in the image of perfection. He wore a black button-up, rolling up the sleeves the show off his ink like usual. He grabbed a watch from the closet, his eyes narrowed on me.

"She's got you there." Jacob pointed out.

I loved that we could team up against my husband who'd pout like a little kid.

"You can't preach what you don't practice."

John approached me when he was done dressing up. He grabbed me by my hair and brushed his lips roughly against mine. He kissed me to the point it hurt. I didn't dare to make a sound when Jacob was right there.

John pulled away and glared at me, "That's enough out of you." He whispered.

He faced his brother, "Let's see what Joseph wants then." He gestured to the door.

Jacob looked at me. His brother was already out the door, the elder Seed had a warm look in his eyes as he closed the door behind him. Now I was once again isolated from the rest of the bunker. It wasn't locked, I didn't hear them lock it so I knew I could wander off if I wanted to. I didn't want to keep wearing my soaked panties so I decided to quickly freshen up. I took a quick shower, wore John's abandoned shirt and grabbed a pair of jeans which were meant for me I assumed. It fitted me perfectly so I knew for sure John bought it for me. I slipped on some socks and then grabbed the black designer boots which looked way too fancy for me to wear inside a bunker. I had to go with it though. Once I was dressed and looked less like I rolled around in bed with my husband all day I left our room. Walking through the long hallway I was stunned at how lively it was today. Caleb ran up to me, standing before me with curious eyes.

"The Father will talk to us tonight." He announced.

"Joseph is giving a sermon?" I asked.

"Yes." He nodded, "Mom calls it that."

"You excited about it?" I asked.

I could tell he was looking forward to it. He was an Eden's Gate child, he didn't know any better than to be good whenever the Father talked. Anxiety boiled up in me. I did not want my future child to become brainwashed too. I didn't want them to love Joseph more than their parents. Maybe I was married to the wrong brother. I wanted John to think for himself, I wanted him to be more like Jacob when it came to Joseph and his preaching. The miscarriage along with the manipulative nice praises of Joseph my husband now became the perfect Herald.

"We haven't heard from the Father in a while." Caleb let me know, "Mom says we should show our respect by attending the sermon. The Father kept us safe when scary things happened upstairs."

I placed my hand on top of his head, "Yes, Joseph and his brothers kept us safe."

I didn't sound as excited about it as the boy before me, but I hoped I didn't spoil his good mood too much. I couldn't jump up and down about paying my respect to the Father.

"Oh, do you know where the cafeteria is?"

"No." I did need to eat something, "Can you take me there?"

"Of course I can."

"Shouldn't we ask your mom first?" I asked him quickly.

He shrugged, "Mom is working right now. She works in the laundry room."

"Oh, I see. Then should we grab something to eat?"

He grabbed my hand, "Yes, let's go."

* * *

Caleb and I were seated in the cafeteria, he got some fruit pieces while they prepared me some oatmeal. The female cultists were hovering, keeping an eye on me. It was scary how they were observing me from a distance but never quite approaching me. I had to accept that being John's wife made people look at me like that.

"The Father will talk to us after dinner," Caleb informed me.

"Where will this take place?"

"In the common room." Caleb sat across me, pointing at the door, "Right across this room. There is a prayer room too. We have to pray before breakfast."

Eden's Gate and their many rules to become pure beings who were chosen to live in the new world in about seven years. These seven years were going to become seven years of testing my patience.

"You pray every morning?" I asked him, "What about school?"

"They are still setting up the classrooms. John is working on it. Mom said that we will attend school next week." He made a face which made me laugh.

"You should attend class, it's good for you."

Caleb sitting up straight made me suspicious. I followed his gaze and watched my husband approach our table. He flashed the young boy a small smile and focused on me.

"Come with me."

I took his hand with he held out to me and let him pull me to my feet. I glanced at Caleb who looked like he wasn't even breathing right now.

"You should head back to your room after you finish up. Thank you for keeping me company."

"Bye." He whispered.

I smiled at him and then let John guide me out of the cafeteria. My breathing hitched in my throat as I noticed where he was taking me. I thought he had forgiven me for what happened when Jacob tested me. The fact that he was walking to the confession room proved me otherwise though. He unlocked the room with his key and gestured for me to head in first. I swallowed nervously and walked inside. I took a seat in the chair knowing John would put me there by force if I didn't do it.

"Why are we here?" I asked him.

I scanned the room. His torture room looked cleaner than last time. The copper scent didn't linger, this room, however, did still make me feel uncomfortable. John stood before me, he looked menacing and not much like my husband who lusted over me this morning. Joseph got to him.

"The Father says you do need to atone for your mistakes."

"Why? Isn't it enough for you to forgive me?" I asked him.

Fear washed over me when John stepped to his workbench and opened his toolbox. He grabbed his tattoo gun and assembled it with ease. It calmed me down a bit knowing he wouldn't use his knife on me. Maybe the perfect Herald wasn't capable of making me bleed to atone.

"Since Joseph isn't here I get to decide how you atone." John stepped away from the bench and smiled at him, "I'll just give you a little reminder of that night. Then you'll head to the prayer room and pray for forgiveness."

John grabbed the rolling chair and rolled over to me, grabbing my arm where he tattooed the symbol of Eden's Gate. He placed his tattoo gun on his thigh and gently rolled up my sleeve to reveal my inked skin to him. His fingers brushed over his work.

"Jacob told me you were amazing with your boy and arrow."

I smiled at him, "I told you I will protect you if I have to."

He grinned, "I know I will be safe with you."

He was joking around. It was odd seeing him in a good mood now. I guess the fact that he could use his tattoo gun again made him giddy.

"Do I really have to pray?" I asked him quietly.

He grabbed his tattoo gun once he settled on a spot and started on his work. It didn't hurt as much as before, I might have gotten used to the needle piercing my skin like that.

"Joseph says you will never carry my children if you keep defying the teachings."

My heart skipped a beat.

"You truly believe that?"

I licked my dry lips, hating how my heart was beating loudly. I was sure John could hear it. If he did hear it he was being a gentleman by not commenting on it.

"By now you should know the Father is always right." He glanced up, "Please, just go along with it. I don't want to go through that again." He spoke barely above a whisper, hearing the pain in his voice hurt more than Joseph more or less condemning me.

I brushed my trembling fingers over his cheek and beard, "I will go pray." I whispered to him, "I will also ask the Father for forgiveness if you think that's necessary."

He surprised me by pulling the gun away from my skin. I glanced down, my lips tugging to a small smile. He gave me a little arrow right below the symbol of Eden's Gate. John tossed his tattoo gun on the small table beside us and leaned in to press a kiss to the corner of my mouth.

"Thank you."

He pulled away before I could kiss him on the lips. I didn't pull him back knowing he was not in the mood. Whenever talking to the Father he became like this. I didn't want to hurt him more emotionally so I decided to give him what he wanted for now.

"Let's go pray together." John held his hand out to me.

I felt like crying then. Instead of taking his hand I hugged him tightly.

"We'll be okay, right?" I asked him.

He placed his hand on the back of my head and kept me to him, "I'm sure we will."

I smiled at hearing his reassuring words. It was scary being locked up in the bunker for seven years while everyone around us was following the Father's words without question. The same goes for my husband. I couldn't keep fighting it, it would only tire me out. I wouldn't settle down because I suddenly thought Joseph was a prophet who knew all. I would do it for John. I wanted to see him with a genuine smile on his face. I wanted to feel his love and I wanted to have a child with him. If Joseph thought I'd lose my child as punishment because I went against their teaching, John would always feel hesitant to start a family with me. I didn't know how many children we could have down here. One would be fine. Just one child who we could love and cherish. To get my wish fulfilled I needed to go and pray so I let John guide me out of the torture room and toward the room he prepared as a prayer room for his followers.


End file.
